to expect a little support from my mum?

[RavenHairedPrincess]

Long story short my DH and I have seperated after nearly 4 years of marriage.
I think having 3 DC's in as many years has taken it's toll and tempers got flared and he hurt me, not seriously but enough that I know I cannot trust him to not do it again.
We are still friendly and have a lot to sort out and he supports my decision to leave as he understands my thoughts.

However everyone else doesn't believe a word of why we have seperated, I have had nothing but abuse from my sister and a lot of my friends have deserted me, but what takes the mick is my own mother, who I haven't spoke to went to DH place of work to ask him how he is, offered him a place to stay and slagged me off saying she don't believe a word of what shes heard (the truth) from my sister, DH put her right and told her it was all true, but not once has she asked me how I am or contacted me at anytime to see how the DC's are.
AIBU to expect her not to go running to my DH to help him but to support her own daughter?

Is it because you are the one that is leaving, as this is unusual when there are children? It depends on your previous relationship with your mother.

There may be rumours going round that you are not aware of , such as you having an affair, perhaps?

Sorry, reading back that wasn't very clear, I have left the relationship not the home, he has left.
It is definatly something my mother would do unfortunatly, my DH told me about it as soon as it happend and as I know a lot of people up the pub it wouldn't do him any good to lie as I would find out anywhere.

And yes that is one rumour going around but as far as I'm aware my mother hasn't heard it yet. However this rumour is corrected when someone says it to either me or DH.
As for an affair happening I would love to know where I would find time with 3 children under 3 years lol.

Oh he didn't rush to tell me but mentioned it when picking the DC's up this morning, one thing is he has never lied to me and I know he still loves me very much but until he resolves his anger issues he knows we have no future.

I had a similar thing when deciding to leave a relationship because it wasn't going anywhere and I was miserable. It was like my mum was HIS mum, and she doted on him while I was left dealing with the break-up of the flat we shared and all the emotional baggage by myself.

I felt really let down by her. Haven't really ever forgiven her deep down, it's been 10 years now. I just think wow - when I really needed you, you were there for him, not me.

No words of wisdom, just empathy - maybe it helps to know if happens to other people too.

I think my mum really thought he was good for me (he wasn't). Actually, I think she prob wished she had someone like him instead of my dad! Sad as it sounds, I think she couldn't understand why I was leaving. But so what!? I felt like she should support me no matter what, when it came to the crunch. Blood thicker than water etc etc. Ho hum, life goes on.

I ment with you saying some of your friends had deserted you.

Perhaps because people are keeping their distance so you can sort things out between you. It is better than everyone having an opinion on what you should be doing. It doesn't sound like you have a good reationship with your mother anyway,so she may not be of any support to you.

Only you can decide if the offer of putting your ex up is one of trying to be helpful without having to give 'hands on' support, or whether she wants to have a window on what is really going on. Distance yourself, as much as you can from pub gossip, its never helpful. If you are not getting back together, there is alot of planning to do.

YANBU, your mum sounds like she is acting out her own problems, instead of giving you support. If you want to cut her a bit of slack, you might think, She probably knows I will still be close to her as I am her daughter but is scared of losing this nice SiL, and perhaps also someone she thinks offers you stability.

Even so, it's not too much to ask for her to come running round to you first, instead of him!

I am really sorry things are tough just now and to add to it your mum is being a bit weird. Hope it works out for you.