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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking just because im a SAHM

22 replies

ziva · 05/03/2011 12:19

dosent mean im sat in the house all day every day.
hate when people ring and say i'll be up on saturday without giving a time or if you ask for a time then they never arrive at that time but just assume you will be there anyway.

OP posts:

gorionine · 05/03/2011 12:23

YANBU

The reason it ennoys me is a bit different to yours though, I have a family member who regularely tells me on the phone " I tried to call this morning but you were not there!" in a tone meaning "what on earth were you doing out?" and I really do not like the assumption that because I am a SAHM I have to be in all the time.

worraliberty · 05/03/2011 12:23

I've been a SAHM for 19yrs and I've never experienced that. Some people are just ignorant. Are you sure it's cos your'e a SAHM? I mean they could be like that to working mums too?

TheCrackFox · 05/03/2011 12:27

YANBU

I found when I was a SAHM that people became very cavalier with my time.

Now I work (a massive 10hrs a week) people actually are thoughtful enough to actually give me a proper time and stick to it. I keep it very quiet that I can choose my own hours and often do my work in the evenings when the DCs are in bed.

Original poster

ziva · 05/03/2011 12:28

no its mainly my in laws who always give sil a time and are never late (she works).if i go out they ring and ask where i am and say 'sure we said we'd be up'.
i get those calls too gorionine.

OP posts:

Original poster

ziva · 05/03/2011 12:30

like take today for example.they said they would be up around 12.its now half 12 and no sign.lets just see how long it is.

lol crackfox.

OP posts:

Glamour · 05/03/2011 12:38

ha! love this, my ds is just 4 and half months, but i think everyone expects me to be sat staring out the window waiting for a visitor! no one ever gives me a time anymore , and if i ask for one, i get asked ''why where are YOU going?'' ha! thought it was just me but glad im not going mad!!

PepsiPopcorn · 05/03/2011 12:45

YANBU. Do you get delivery men telling you how busy they are, too?

TheCrackFox · 05/03/2011 12:48

Oh, yes the busy delivery men. Are we supposed to sympathise?

Also I think what bugged me was if anyone (mainly family TBH) was told could you give me some sort of time when I can expect you I was always asked why. Er, I am not 12 anymore so shy should I have to justify/explain what I will be doing?

Ooopsadaisy · 05/03/2011 12:56

When I worked 6pm - midnight when dcs were little (to avoid needing childcare), My Mum decided she would get a NEXT directory and have stuff delivered to my house. She used to complain if I was out and the delivery was missed.

She then went on to get Lakeland, John Lewis, M&S....

Bloody cheek.

Eglu · 05/03/2011 16:20

I would just go out and when they call say you thought they weren't coming as you had agreed 12. They will soon be more respectful of your time.

NinkyNonker · 05/03/2011 16:48

Mu parents always do this, but my sister is the worst. They all snippy if I don't return calls if emails quickly, or am busy when they want to come round. Once I told them I was busy every weekday for the next fortnight, which is common and they were decidedly put out.

slipperandpjsmum · 05/03/2011 16:51

If they are saying Saturday isn't that because they assume you are busy all week?

TattyDevine · 05/03/2011 18:22

I have experienced this a bit - mainly with tradesmen. I have had all my bathrooms refubished over the years using the same bloke, who I love to bits. But I've heard him on the phone to the electrician etc saying "yes, she's in all the time" which I SODDING WELL AM NOT! Sure, I'm in when I know he's popping round but just because I dont work doesn't mean I'm in all the time. Anyway I chose not to correct him lest I sounded petty and of course said sparky turned up when I was out cue a frantic call to my mobile

To be fair I tend never to be too far away - always on the mobile and can generally drive home (unless I'm in the hairdresser with my hair full of foils or summat)

I did have one friend when she went back to work (only 3 days a week) try and sort of use me as her "secretary"...i.e it was her turn to host coffee for our little group and she emailed me to say "I dont have time to text everyone, can you send a text round and let everyone know coffee is at mine"... I did it once but when I got another email from her with another request I had to nip it in the bud! Cheeky cow.

Generally though, if you value your time and convey that to other people, they will too. This sometimes involves a bit of attitude...

skybluepearl · 05/03/2011 18:31

my IL's/parents can be very bad and turn up hours late. I have now started to say that I'l be out and about and can they ring me when they arrive at my door - I'll then pop home.

Original poster

ziva · 05/03/2011 18:31

they said saturday cause its dd's birthday.saturday is actually my busiest days cause im not stuck to the clock for schooltimes.they arrived at 3-35 btw.

OP posts:

positivesteps · 05/03/2011 18:52

I would have thought Saturdays are quite busy, if your out with your husbands/ partners when you dont see them in the week. I would have thought you would do more at weekends than during the week so I can see what you mean by Saturday is your busiest day.

I guess some people just think that your more flexible if you are not working say a 9-5 Monday to Friday. If your a SAHM their is more flexibility than say being stuck at a desk 9-5. Some People think similar with people who have jobs Working from home too. Just because you have more felxibility it doesnt mean that you can just drop something every 5 mins when your supposed to be working. They dont see that its working just the same as physically travelling to work and sitting say in an office all day working for somebody else.

lololizzy · 05/03/2011 20:48

i hadn't heard of the acronym SAHM till i joined MN..maybe should then be changed to SAHMBNNAHATTO? !
(stay at home mum but not necessarily at home all the time ok? !

lololizzy · 05/03/2011 20:49

or phonetically.. I am a Sambna-Hatto !

Carrotsandcelery · 05/03/2011 21:00

YANBU!
I get this from so many people. I live relatively close to where I grew up so when old friends come home to visit their parents they often come over to see me and the dcs.
I love that they come but it never seems to occur that we have a life and aren't just sitting there desperate for someone to come and visit.
We go and visit family, we make plans to go out, kids have parties, kids have activities which we pay for in advance etc.
There seems to be some vague notion that because I have stayed locally I am always on hand. They don't realise how many of them there are and that we can't just drop everything every single time someone is home for the weekend.
Then when they come they don't give a time, just say, Sunday morning etc. Am I supposed to just hang around for the whole morning waiting for them when they arrive at 11am? Have they not heard of dog walking or pyjama days etc?
I love that people come but wish they would warn in advance and give more specific times or plans.

balia · 05/03/2011 21:06

Doesn't just happen to SAHM's, though - my Dad used to get that all the time when he ran his own business from home - people would just assume he would arrange his work around them, even though he had deadlines and the work involved various processes that had to be done in a certain time.

JenniPenni · 05/03/2011 21:17

Being a childminder I work from home naturally... and will get text requests from my sister asking me to do this or that for her on my compy... go into her email and let so-and-so know about this or that etc. It used to happen LOADS. And if I didn't reply within 10 mins would get another text of 'where are you???'.

I am working. I have children to look after. I might go on the compy if I have time when the kids are asleep. IF they all go to sleep at the same time. IF I get some time off for some lunch.

She got the msg when I continually ignored her texts till after 6pm... when the kids had gone home.

Just because you are at home - whether working or not - does not make your time any less precious than someone who happens to work outside of the home.

chipmonkey · 05/03/2011 22:04

ziva YANBU but it's not just SAHMs. I work four days a week. Tradesmen assume that 1/ I am a SAHM. This is obviously because I am a woman, so therefore must be a SAHM. So they tell me they'll be up on Tuesday. I say I'll be in work on Tuesday. It will turn out that Tuesday is the only day when they can be in my area.

They also assume that I am called Mrs dhsurname which I am not, but that's another thread.

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