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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away this Christmas due to OH working AGAIN

17 replies

shinyshoes · 05/03/2011 10:46

I know it's too early to talk about the 'C' word but i've just recieved a revised rota for OH shifts until April next year and he's working over Christmas AGAIN.

He's emergency reponse for the elderly and vunerable.

I know he has a job to do but i'm sick and tired of sitting here with 3 children every Christmas by myself. The other rotas weren't too bad at least he finished around 4.00pm so we had a late lunch but this year it's 10.00pm !! Christmas is over and done with.

23rd 9.00am -6.00pm
24th 1.00pm - 10.00pm
25th 1.00 -10.00 pm

Boxing day and 27th he is off

I could have Christmas late but that's not the point.

AIBU to just piss off to Center Parcs over the Christmas period instead of looking at these 4 walls and getting the hump.

There is no other family.
I'd rather not spend the day with the inlaws#
Mysister hasn't got my mum this year and is having a quiet one
My other sister has got my mum and stepfather under protest and 2 very small children.

WWYD ?

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 05/03/2011 10:56

WINTER SUN

BringOnTheGoat · 05/03/2011 11:04

I would do what's best for the whole family. Do feel sorry for your DH though - is he miserable about new rota? Will he be sad not seeing his DC xmas morning? If not I second the winter sun vote!

WorzselMummage · 05/03/2011 11:08

I'd do it!

Where I work though (same kind of job) we all take it in turns. He shouldn't have to work late every Christmas, It's not on. Who gets the early shifts every year ?

Can't he refuse ?

squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 11:08

If you are there with 3 children, how can you be looking at the walls?

Centre parcs may be busier, but it will still be families doing their own thing, and that will probably piss you off even more. Plus its really not fair on your husband that he would work then come home to an empty house and not see his children at all. You can still have a fun xmas morning before he goes to work.

Why not invite your mum over to you?

What is wrong with the in-laws? you might end up having a great day with them, they are family too.

FakePlasticTrees · 05/03/2011 11:11

erm, what time does he have to leave for work then? Because he's got until 1pm! So he can do Christmas morning seeing the DCs open their gifts, have a huge family breakfast/brunch affair and then has the next day off - I'd hate it to wake up on Christmas morning alone. Sad

When you say your sister is having a 'quiet one' would she not like the idea of coming to yours for a lunch cooked for her?

Newgolddream · 05/03/2011 11:13

I have to agree with worzel here, taking turns is a far fairer way and if hes been in the same job and same shifts that sounds like it means someone else will be getting Christmas off all the time.

Im a Nurse (luckily working in the community Mon -Fri and get public holidays now) but I worked the wards for years and years - Christmas and New Year rota was a minefield - ok people will say your in a 24 hour job, people still need cared for at Christmas etc etc. But its about balancing and making it fair, generally people could request either Christmas or NY off and the rota was made up the best it could, not everyone got their preference but if someone was working Christmas 1 year they would get priority for having it off the next.

FabbyChic · 05/03/2011 11:23

Why doesn't he book it as annual leave?

Snorbs · 05/03/2011 11:29

I could have Christmas late but that's not the point.

So what is the point?

He could be there on Christmas morning so he'll be around when the DCs open their presents. Have a buffet-style lunch of party food then a proper family Christmas dinner all together on Boxing Day. Sure it's not ideal but it's workable.

Or, you could prevent the DCs from seeing their father and your DH from seeing the DCs over Christmas entirely by going off somewhere else. And rather than looking at the four walls of your own home, you'll be looking at the four walls of an impersonal hotel restaurant. Yay.

It's not unreasonable to be annoyed that your DH's job takes him out of the house at such times but to take the DCs away from him (and vice-versa) over Christmas seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face. Or almost like you're wanting to punish him for the requirements of his job.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 05/03/2011 11:30

I don't think he can book it as annual leave as everyone would be doing it and it's an emergency service.

They have had a few rota changes over the years and it just so happens it falls on him every Christmas, he won't complain though as 'it's just how the rota falls' . TBH as long as he sees the kids open their presents Christmas is no big deal to him

I don't want to spend it with the inlaws as I can't abide being around the MIL for too long she grates on me

The brunch idea sounds good I didn't think of it like that I suppose we still have the morning.

My sisters take it in turns every year to have the mother, there's alot of history there. It was my turn last year and my youngest sisters turn this year.

Now I know that some think INBU I might be looking at some winter sun Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
shinyshoes · 05/03/2011 11:32

Snorbs, I suppose I am, not punishing him directly as it's not his fault but I'm punishing the bloody system.

OP posts:
diddl · 05/03/2011 11:36

Blimey-you can have a Christmas breakfast & present opening together as a family-would you deny him that?

You can have a Christmas lunch on Boxing Day.

DoingTheBestICan · 05/03/2011 11:39

Its not just your Christmas though,what about your dc?

Wont they want to see their Daddy on Christmas morning?

Snorbs · 05/03/2011 11:50

It's a punishment that would have no effect at all on "the bloody system" but would hurt your DH and your DCs.

I also seriously doubt being away from home with three DCs to entertain for days, rather than just hours, on your own will actually make you any happier either.

If you feel his job is having too much of an impact on family life then you would not BU to make it clear that you're finding it hard and to encourage him to find a new job. If he were away for days at a time then, again, I'd say YANBU. But all this over a single nine-hour shift? That's unreasonable.

Buda · 05/03/2011 11:50

Well I can see that you are peed off and I think I would be too if it is every year. BUT. If I were you I would plan a nice Xmas morning with presents, nice brunch and then a lazy day with the children/tv/playing with toys etc. Do easy food. Prepare a lasagna or something or buy some nice bits from M&S. Kids to bed. Nice bottle of wine and some cheese/sausage rolls or what ever nice nibbles float your boat with DH when he gets in. Then you have your family Xmas dinner on Boxing Day. Maybe keep some presents to open on that day too.

annielouisa · 05/03/2011 11:59

I often have to work shifts over Christmas but the family work round it. I know you may feel down about the rota but I think you are BU to make your DH miss his DC on Christmas morning because you're upset about his rota.

OhCobblers · 05/03/2011 14:53

I completely agree with Buda's idea - vv good!!

very tough on all of you but you can make it work, but perhaps next year he can really make a point of telling his bosses how many Christmases in a row he's worked so that 2012 is different??

Malificence · 05/03/2011 15:16

YAB (massively) U.
A huge amount of people now work over Christmas, it's the norm now to be working, most people are lucky if they have a couple of days off at most.
I don't understand why you are so resentful quite honestly, you are being very petty.
He's off boxing day so have your xmas dinner then?

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