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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell him to have the cat put to sleep?

13 replies

magicink · 05/03/2011 10:28

When I first met DH (before we lived together) he got a cat so she's always felt like his cat rather than ours and he does really care about her.

Poor cat (very old and a bit senile) developed a tumour on the back of her head/neck a few weeks ago. The vet said that she didnt appear to be in pain but that the tumour would grow (albeit slowly) and probably ulcerate at which point it would be time to put her to sleep. Since then the tumour has grown a fair bit and I noticed she was limping. She now has a small tumour on her leg. She doesnt eat much either unless you sit and feed her bits of food by hand.

Anyway, he keeps saying 'she isnt in pain'. I say that if you had a tumour about a third of the size of your head and you were limping are you telling me you wouldnt be in pain? Anyway this morning, after days of gently suggesting it was 'time' I lost my cool and told him he was being cruel and she would have been put down a week ago if the decision was mine. AIBU? Should I just have let him make the decision in his own time?

OP posts:

TheAllNewOoooh · 05/03/2011 10:35

My elderly dog (years ago) sprouted many tumours but they were benign, just wobbly lumps really, and she lived on for years with them and they didn't seem to bother her.

I guess I'd get another opinion from the vet as to your cat's quality of life, it can be difficult to know just on appearances.

Poor pud.

edam · 05/03/2011 10:42

Poor moggie. Agree with TANO, go back to the vet. But limping does suggest you are right and she is in pain.

Original poster

magicink · 05/03/2011 10:43

These arent those though sadly - I know just what you mean about the wobbly lumps(our lovely old dog has lots of those too). They are tumours which are growing and spreading. When I say she isnt eating much, she eats probably a desertspoonful of food morning and evening. She's terribly thin, limping and sleeps almost all the time and her coat is stary.

Dont want him to feel he has been pushed into it although its probably a bit late after my outburst

Not sure whether the vet could really assess her quality of life cos he doesnt see how she is on a day to day basis. As you say, poor poor little thing. She is well into her 20's now and she has had a very happy and healthy life.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 10:45

Its sad, but it does sound like she is suffering now. I would take her back to the vet and get his opinion. It would be cruel to let her live her last few months in a lot of pain.

PlasticLentilWeaver · 05/03/2011 10:56

Or, alternatively, the limp may be completely unrealted to the tumour, and may be something that can easily be resolved with pain relief (she may be arthritic) and/or antibiotics (it might be an abscess for example). Pain can reduce the appetite, and therefore, if managed can improve things in the short term at least. But, your description does sound like a cat who is no longer looking after herself very well, and may well have other problems.

It would certainly be worth having her reassessed anyway to make sure that continuing is not being unfair to her.

Honeydragon · 05/03/2011 11:00

I think your outburst show you do really care about the cat even though you feel its dh's. Give him a hug and say sorry for losing it and suggest he takes her to the vet for a impartial opinion?

BringOnTheGoat · 05/03/2011 11:01

YABU to lose your cool as he seems to be struggling with the decision but YANBU to think it's 'time'

Vallhala · 05/03/2011 11:01

Please, please take her to the vet and get his/her opinion, even if it's without your DH knowing that you are doing it. It sounds to me (cat and dog owner of many years and rescuer) that she IS suffering, poor mite, though what the cause is I couldn't possibly say of course.

If the vet confirms your worse fears remember this, and tell DH too... sometimes you have to be a big person and put the animal ahead of your own need to keep him. It's the very last act of love and kindness you can perform and always I think it's better to carry that act out a day too early than a day too late.

edam · 05/03/2011 11:04

Aw, poor thing. The not eating and not grooming DOES sound like an animal in pain. Val's right, better to do it a day early than a day too late.

ziva · 05/03/2011 11:23

i think the cat is giving signals that she is unwell and her time has come.many animals just 'give up' when they sense their time is coming.

zukiecat · 05/03/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

magicink · 05/03/2011 12:11

Thank you for all your kind replies. Will apologise for putting it the way I did and suggest that he seeks our vet's opinion (really good practice so we are lucky on that front) rather than making an appointment just to have her put down. Should have put it like that in the first place but said it all wrong and far too crossly....

PS plastic, its definitely not arthritis as you can see the lump on her leg

OP posts:

waffleanddaub · 05/03/2011 12:21

I remember our vet telling us that cats try not to act as if they're hurt as this would make them vulnerable in the wild.

So they don't tend to vocalise if in pain, as we would, especially if it is chronic. I would agree that an assessment from a good vet is required. So sorry for your poor wee companion and your DH, too.

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