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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DD2 will NEVER sleep in a cot?

22 replies

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:19

Got a lovely cot for DD2 who is 7 months but it is strictly ornamental so far. She co-sleeps which I don't mind in itself but she is still waking between 4 and 8 times a night for a BF then she usually goes straight back to sleep.

She is an incredibly light sleeper and I do wonder if she would sleep better in a cot without me disturbing her. However, I can't see how in a million years I am ever going to get her in a cot. The only way I have ever been able to get her to sleep is lying next to her and BFing her to sleep. Eventually I will be able to break the latch and creep away. If I feed her sitting up she will rarely go to sleep (she is quite big for her age so it's hard to get her comfortable). If she does go to sleep as soon as I move her she wakes up and will cry until I lie down and feed her back to sleep.

Have any MN's got any pearls of wisdom for me? She is completely incapable of self settling and once she wakes she will grizzle, then cry, then become hysterical.

I keep telling myself that she will not still be like this when she is 15 , but that's about the most positive thing I can think of. I know eventually it will pass but I would like to think about a night out at some point, but she goes bananas if anyone other than me goes to her and I can absolutely guarantee she will wake up if I were to go out! I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing that she was at home in hysterics.

Help!

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TattyDevine · 04/03/2011 23:22

You wont want my pearls of wisdom (which are more like lumps of coal) and if you do, other Mumsnetters wont, so for that reason, I'm out!

winnybella · 04/03/2011 23:24

Hmm. Sounds like my DD. Fwiw, we did succeed in putting her in her cot at 6 months where she would sleep for a few hours before waking up and then spending the rest of the night in bed with me, latched on.

I don't know what to advise, tbh. With DD, gradually she started to sleep for longer stretches and by about 14 months was sleeping through the night in her cot (with odd night here and there when she didn't).

I personally think that 7 mo is too young for any sleep training. I would go with the flow and then around a year I think it's fine to put her awake in her cot, leave, come back in 1o minutes, hush, leave, you know the drill.

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:29

Thanks winny - yeah my instincts tell me she is too little to try and change things now but then I am worried about timing it so that she is not in my bed forever! And she is not crawling yet but when she is I will be worried about her crawling off the bed before I go to bed if she wakes or in the morning if she wakes before I do.

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Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:30

Oh, and how did you manage to get your DD in the cot at all? Did she settle herself?

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winnybella · 04/03/2011 23:39

Well, I think I got more ruthless as she got older iyswim- when she was over a year old I would let her cry sometimes-but not for long and we live in a flat so she could always hear us iyswim and obv. I would go in and reassure her. At the same time it wasn't very systematic, just slowly over few months she started to 'get it'. Also toys and picture books in her cot helped. Now, at just 2yo, she is very happy to go to bed after her bf- she takes her magnetic drawing board thing, goes around the house saying goodnight to everybody and then draws/reads for about 30 minutes before falling asleep.

At 6 mo I think I was putting her down in her cot asleep after bf-she was also a big baby. What is crucial is not extending your arms iyswim- you try to keep her body position the same, you lean over the cot, lower your chest and take the hands/chest away when she's down-wait before doing that to make sure she's not stirring iyswim.

gordyslovesheep · 04/03/2011 23:42

well no - at 15 she will not be sleeping with you or BF BUT you have to choose (since she is a baby) if you can wait 15 years for some sleep

everyone is different - I was a routine, own bed, ff evil bitch troll from hell - but DD3 still sneeks in with me at about 4am - I could put her back - I cnba and don;t bother

if you are loosing sleep and tired and wish to change it you can ... do you?

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:44

Ah OK thanks, that sounds like a cunning plan. I was going to move the mattress in her cot to the lower level but maybe I won't until she gets the hang of sleeping in there a bit more. She can sit up but not unless I put her in that position, so I think she will be fine, can't see her leaping out of it anytime soon.

Will give that a go tomorrow and see what happens.

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Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:50

Well the waking itself doesn't really bother me tbh as she just latches on and then goes back to sleep, so both of us are awake for probably about 2 mins...not really a big deal although of course unbroken sleep would be nice!

It's more that the only way she can be resettled is with the boob. I have turned down loads of invites for going out, and then I see on facebook people with babies much younger who are going out and I am . It's lovely that she is such an attachment baby in a lot of ways but not very conducive to having any kind of life (not talking wild parties here but even just going out for a couple of drinks to the local is out of the question for now).

DD1 was not like this at all...slept through from 6 weeks for 12 hours and you could march a brass band through her room and she would not wake.

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ScroobiousPip · 04/03/2011 23:51

It won' be for ever but I agree it depends on your own tolerance levels as to whether you want to let them move on naturally or encourage it earlier.

DS 2.4 has always co-slept but then started to ask to sleep in his own bed recently (which has always been there for him) - he did for a few weeks, but has wanted to spend the last few nights back in with me. I suspect it's just a phase so am enjoying every night in case it's the last. They grow up so soon.

winnybella · 04/03/2011 23:51

Yes, if you could get her to sleep for even a couple of hours every evening in her cot, that would be a great start and also it would give you some much needed time for yourself. Don't get discouraged, though, if it doesn't work-but keep trying and she will probably surprise you soon enough

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 04/03/2011 23:57

2.4 ! Yikes!! I guess another problem is that I am single and whilst I am not really bothered about dating or having a relationship at the moment it would be nice at some point...and having a baby in my bed renders that a complete impossibility. Don't know I could go another 2 years without having sex! Though mind you I have already done 1.5 years so what's another year or two!

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Salmotrutta · 04/03/2011 23:58

See, I think you have made a rod for your own back.
And I'm perfectly happy to be flamed as an old Grandmother.
I never let mine into our bed and had very set routines. They got fed when they demanded yes, but I did not use feeding to "settle" them if I knew hunger was not the issue. Why would you do that?
You wind them down in evening, after supper give a milk feed, put in cot. If they settle fine, if not do the gradual withdrawing. It might mean 3-4 nights of screaming/crying but I think you have to do it if they are beyond 5-6 months. If you know they are not hungry/thirsty/cold/hot/wet/dirty/ill then they are fine and at 7 months are learning that you will dance to your tune. Many will not agree with me about this but I don't care.
Then again, I'm older generation and I never did all this co-sleeping, cluster feeding etc.

petisa · 04/03/2011 23:59

If I were you I would try to unlatch her as much as poss when she's not actually feeding during the night so she doesn't end up needing to have your nipple in her mouth to be able to stay asleep iyswim. Just keep putting her in the cot as much as you can and she'll end up staying there for longer and longer periods hopefully.

I co-sleep with dd2 and I am thinking about this now too so watching this thread with interest. Dd1 went from co-sleeping to cot at 6 months with no probs whatsoever, but she was sleeping 12 hour nights by then and had a dummy to soothe her.

weasle · 05/03/2011 00:02

snap! my 9 month old is exactly the same. am watching replies with interest.

i'm thinking 2013 might be a big social year for me!

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 05/03/2011 00:05

Salmotrutta - I don't think I would have slept a wink if I had left her to cry.

She goes absolutely wild. The one night I did try leaving her to cry (as ex dp kept going on about it and I wanted to prove a point to him), she cried for 5.5 hours solidly (was not left on her own for more than about 10 minutes but by that point she was so worked up she just would not settle back down for hours).

I can't listen to that. I think she trusts me to be there for her and I can't let her down. I appreciate that a generation ago this was unheard of though.

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Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 05/03/2011 00:06

weasle - I feel your pain!

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YesPleaseDrChristian · 05/03/2011 00:09

You have not allowed your DD to fall asleep on her own or by self-settling so YABU that she would teach herself how to fall asleep in her cot.

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 05/03/2011 00:13

YesPlease - it's not a case of 'not letting' her, I have left her hoping that she will settle herself to sleep but she invariably just goes completely bananas.

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strandedpolarbear · 05/03/2011 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

igetmorelovefromthecat · 05/03/2011 00:26

That's a good idea SPB, that would be a good way to get her used to being in there. Might not work in the middle of the night when she wakes though, would mean I'd have to move the cot to the other side of the room so I could feed her from the other side . But at least she would start the night there.

Oddly enough, she has done her longest stint ever of sleep (without me being with her) tonight. 4 hours! Just had to go and check she is still breathing!

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squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 00:37

I am with Salmo I'm afraid. In a room of their own by 6 months, and sleeping through the night.

MrsLevinson · 05/03/2011 02:41

I have a 5 mo and did the co-sleeping thing for a while when he wouldn't settle in his Moses basket. Now he's in his cot we both sleep so much better, he wakes up once per night as opposed to 4 or 5 times when he slept with me. Everyone is different and you need to do what feels right, but if you want to try geting her into a cot then Stranded's idea sounds worth a try. I would persevere, I don't think she's too young and it will be worth it for a good night's sleep.

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