To be a bit uncomfortable with local minister's show of wealth

[anonymousethatroared]

Part of me thinks, yes he and his family have the right to dress how they like and they are a normal family.

BUT The local minister, his wife and kids are VERY fashion conscious. They always have the best clothes and fashion haircuts and the kids always have the latest accessories. This makes me uncomfortable as I always , somewhat misguidedly, thought minitry cae with a degree of humility and compassion for the poor.

I understand dressing well doesnt suggest they dont but aibu to feel uncomfortable with their materialistic looking lifestyle?

I have to say I find their "trendiness" quite intimidating so I dont really like going there anymore.

"My dsis is married to a vicar, they are the most materialistic people I know. They have amazing holidays in America, Bermuda and the last one was South Africa, all staying in parishioners houses, fares ( for them and 4 dc paid for by Church"

there's got to be more to the flights bit, that doesn't work for me

Oh come on! Being a minster is a hugely demanding role. Your parish or chuch expects you to be on call 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. They insist you work Sundays and Christmas Day. They expect you to have the perfect marriage but also that your spouse holds the fort for however long whilst you're off holding somebody else's family together. You are expected to know what to say when faced with the full range of human depravity and tragedy. You may never lose your temper or walk past a Big Issue Seller. You surely don't have any sort of sexual desire or human weakness but at the same time you're modest and humble. If any member of your church sees you doing something they think you shouldn't they feel entitled to complain volubly.

And now apparently you can't wear something nice or buy your kids a gadget?

It's a miracle anybody goes in to the ministry at all.

Op - you go to church to be part of the fellowship and come before God. God doesn't give a fig how anybody's dressed and nobody is any worse or better than anybody else. You come before God as a repentent sinner no matter what sort of haircut you've got. YOU have an issue with this family and if that's stopping you going to church then YOU need to deal with it. They've done nothing wrong.

I have no "issue". Overreaction much? I said I feel somwhwat uncomfortable with it and wondered iof anyone else would feel the same. Some have agreed.

'I have to say I find their "trendiness" quite intimidating so I dont really like going there anymore.'

& 'aibu to feel uncomfortable with their materialistic looking lifestyle'

Don't talk to me about an over-reaction!

Look - these people are part of your church family and you have this wholse series of assumptions based on nothing. You don't know what their income is. You don't know what proportion they give aay. You know nothing - but you are still judging them and basically accusing them of putting you off church.

My point is that I am but one. I wonder how many others are being put off by the overt materialstic displays and wondered also if it was the norm or if anyone else would be uncomfortable with it.

Does anyone else remember the Adrian Mole teenage diary entry? He is in the supermarket and is horrified to see the local vicar buying purple triple-ply toilet paper. He thinks that he should have bought cheap white one-ply and given the difference to the poor.

Mind you, on Mumnset that vicar would have been vilified for buying coloured toilet paper. So common, you know.

Fabulous! I must read that.

eh?
'probably there's more to it than that' not 'you are obviously making it up'

Toughas - it is a completely different issue. The expediture a church makes as a church, the priorities it sets are of course up for debate and discussion. The private disposal of resources made by any member of the church - minster or anybody - is not unless there is an obvious issue such as drug use where the church has a pastoral responsibility. In this case the minster is buying clothes and gadgets - that's not an issue for the church as a whole to be concerned with and frankly I'm dismayed the op thinks it might be anything to do with her, let alone judges him adversely for it.

Surely he is role model and chose to be one when he took the position he is in.

Yes so he doesn't (one assume) practice polygamy or shoplifting or animal sacrifice.
'Being a role model' doesn't mean he and his wife can't have nice clothes that they pay for from their legally gotten gains. Does't mean their children aren't allowed to have the sort of things many other children have.
Is this thread for real - do you actually expect your minister to live near poverty and control the expenditure and choices of his wife and children in the name of 'setting an example'? Setting an example of what?

You've no idea how their income works, where they get their stuff from etc. I know a vicar and his family who live on peanuts but they get bought tons by parishioners.

Perhaps they have wealthy grandparents. Perhaps they have wealthy parishioners who try to compensate for the tiny CofE income. Perhaps before he was a vicar he worked in the City and have a sudden conversion and is using his savings to cushion the massive drop in income. If he was going on holiday in a private jet or had a serious cocaine habit then perhaps you'd have a point but 'trendy' clothes? I think your atitude is rather odd.

If people were basing their Christianity on what Jesus said in the bible, then Christians would live in poverty. But Christians in the UK don't generally follow that teaching, and I think that if the clergy did set such an example and preach about it, even less people would go to church.

I dont expect him or his family to be any way but have been surpised by this.

Do you seriously think overt displays of materialism are reasonable for a minister who is a role model and who, in his calling, should be humble and compassionate to the less fortunate?

I dont care or even hazerd a guess as to what money he has or what he gives away and dont for a moment imagin he isnt compassionate and a good minster, contrary to your own huge asumptions of me, but its the outward image he chooses to portray and I find it surprising.

He wears clothes that date from the last few months not the last few decades! He is paid you know - what do you expect him to spend his money on?
BTW - relieving suffering and helping the poor isn't limited to the priesthood. I trust you don't buy yourself a new top until you're satisfied no needs remain that you could be donating to?

If a vicar was over the top I would find it strange.

One of the vicars that used to be at my mum's church had been an Army Officer for several years before becoming ordained. He therefore has a very good pension that started paying out. He also would have had a lump sum when he left. His wife works.

If you've had a previous career or the spouse works, why should they not spend it on their kids?

They get my goat aswell. I wonder how much they get paid (not counting their free housing and other perks)
Never mind, as it says in the bible "it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god"

Of course we could suggest that they all wear sack cloth just so that parishioners don't feel uncomfortable!