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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed with MIL?

22 replies

IMissSleep · 03/03/2011 19:10

My DS is 6 months old. MIL has seen him twice in 6 months, once at the hospital, once at xmas.
I used to send pics via phone and have not so much lately because as he gets older, I have less and less time.
For weeks I've been asking OH " When are your parents coming to see him?"
They live about 1.5 away, as does my parents. They have been 1-2 times a month.

So she was on the phone to OH and said " I don't get any pics anymore, why is that?"

I wanted to say - because I don't have bloody time, why don't you come and see him??? Just annoys me a bit, they want him to stay with them but he doesn't know who they are, how can I leave him with them?

OP posts:

FourFortyFour · 03/03/2011 19:12

Sounds like they only want him when they can have him to themselves rather than visiting you and all spending time together.

Original poster

IMissSleep · 03/03/2011 19:16

We get on very well, but I'm just a bit upset that they haven't made more of an effort to see him. He is their only grandson.

Last time we saw them DS cried a lot when they held him, you know how babies are. Its just a bit awkward!

OP posts:

curlymama · 03/03/2011 19:16

What did OH say when she asked about photos.

If they don't want to make the effort, let them get on with it and be grateful that they aren't interfering. I know it must be hurtful, but remeber they are the ones missing out. It sounds like ds has lovely GP's on your side.

Original poster

IMissSleep · 03/03/2011 19:27

He just said that I've been busy obviously with looking after DS!

I think she thought I was annoyed with her, Ah well. I don't really care tbh. Their loss!

I've have been very honest with OH and told him DS will never stay with his parents until he knows them.

OP posts:

HollyBollyBooBoo · 03/03/2011 19:39

Sounds like my idea of heaven, seeing the PILs 4 times a year

CrapBag · 03/03/2011 19:42

YANBU. I wouldn't bother sending any pictures.

My MIL lives 15 minutes up the road and we barely see her. She is very much 'you have to be invited over', not one for impromptu visits from people, even her close family and she has been to our house about 3 times in 2 years.

Her loss if she doesn't see her GC. They are far closer to my family because they take an interest and are actually more bothered.

nameinuse · 03/03/2011 19:48

i know were your coming from my family have seen ds twice since august - when I PHONE (am never phoned exept to ask for something) they dont even ask after him hes 5 and it makes me sad that they just cant be bothered - dh gets really angry about it and pil (though woud never say to my face) think its mightly weird that they dont want to see ds who is a real character and is considered a joy by pil/nursery etc...

they live 60 miles away btw and have cars but the only way theyll see him /me is if i drive there and they dont have to make any effort with him :(

emmylou157 · 03/03/2011 21:00

PIL have not once made the effort to come and see DD. She is 7 months old now and they live about 2 1/2 hours away (the smae distance as my parents).
I constantly get messages saying when are you coming to visit us, we miss her so much, it's not fair you live so far away etc. DH has been really upset and told her that he feels like they don't care but still no effort is made. MIL says she can't come as she is always busy with sil's kids - 4 kids under 6 but is a SAHM and BIL works nights so is always up by lunch time.
We have decided that it is their loss, DD doesn't really know them and won't be left with them til she is much older. My parents regularly come and visit and have a really good bond with her. It does make me mad she is missing out on seeing them, I think she has only seen FIL about 6 times since she was born.
You are not alone, tell them they could always come and visit if they are missing seeing her.

pixipie151 · 04/03/2011 14:56

My Inlaws are rubbish too. They comprise of my husband's father and his second wife (she has her own children and grandchildren). They live about 25miles away in the same road as SIL. They babsit several times a week for her and take the kids out etc. My DD is lucky if she sees them once a fortnight for an hour before she goes to bed (most of which is spent getting ready for bed).

My Dad is seriously ill in hospital this week and they've not rung or offered to help us with childcare once. My hubby rang them to see if they could come over than their usual 6pm (they haven't seen my little one for several weeks), but was told, 'sorry, no' as they've got the LITTLE LAD and taking him swimming as SIL needs to pop into work. Hubby flipped and told his Dad not to bother coming at all. Still went over his head, thick idiot.

I totally understand, and its really hurtful.

plupedantic · 04/03/2011 15:43

Do you think asking after your child's pictures, but only on the phone, is her way of pretending to be interested, without having to prove she cares?

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/03/2011 15:48

Just put you OH in charge of sending HIS parents the photos.

lemonmousse · 04/03/2011 15:50

pixiepie Is my DH leading a double life and married to you aswell?! Definitely sound like the same inlaws!

RunAwayWife · 04/03/2011 16:03

It only takes a few seconds to take and send a photo, I think YABU

fluffy123 · 04/03/2011 16:17

It is her loss, but you could send an picture once a week or month and then think about being a better grandmother when your turn comes.

Original poster

IMissSleep · 04/03/2011 16:34

I suppose I could send some pics, I just resent the fact they haven't been to see him.

I know she loves him, I just wish they would make more of an effort to see him. They have asked if we are planning any trips to them, baring in mind neither me or my partner drives (partner has test next week, fingers crossed!!) And he runs his own own company and is working lots of hours, we would have to get on a train which with a 6month old, a pushchair, carseat, overnight stuff...etc is a real hassel.

They are coming next week, I think I'm going to tell them that in order for DS to stay with them, they need to make more of an effort to get to know him. And we will try and make more trips to them!

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 04/03/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pixipie151 · 06/03/2011 13:00

Oh, so you're LEMONMOUSSE?! I thought he was fantisising about a dessert in his sleep! You Hussey!

annielouisa · 06/03/2011 13:27

I am a MIL and I just cannot understand all these PIL not seeing their DGC. I am not an interfering person I hope I am a helper, a player and I always ask what the parents need for DC for Christmas or birthdays. DH have taken DGD on holiday and all DGC for days out. We have taken other DGC on holiday because they are too young yet and this credit crunch has greatly changed our financial situation.

pixipie151 · 07/03/2011 14:31

annielouisa, you sound like fairy grandmother. God bless you Mrs! xxx

PaisleyLeaf · 07/03/2011 14:34

Do they work? Maybe you'll see them when we've got easter and some bank holidays coming up.

Original poster

IMissSleep · 07/03/2011 16:18

annielouisa - Thats amazing.

They do work. I understand they are busy, lets face it - who isn't?!

I guess I was just a bit put out by the where's my pictures attitude. They are coming to visit next week.

MadamDeathstare - He does send some, but doesn't get in most nights till 6 and DS goes to bed at 7pm so I guess by then, he just wants cuddles with DS and doesn't really think about sending pics. I guess they think I should send them because he is really busy running a company, but like he told his mum, I am even busier bringing up our child!! :)

OP posts:

PaisleyLeaf · 07/03/2011 18:02

Well I think don't go too hard on them then. If they're looking forward to pictures it sounds like they do care a lot and wish they could see DGS more.

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