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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very miffed with step mother.

19 replies

SomethingProfound · 03/03/2011 17:55

Hi, first time I have posted on AIBU so be gentle with me.

To cut a long story short I had a bit of a to do with my step mother today. The reason being that I asked my father for a loan of £80. I'm a mature student and as part of my course I'm hosting an event unfortunately ticket sales didn't go as well as expected so asked my father for a loan to help me cover costs. I will repay this amount to him when I get paid on the 15th but simply didn't have the cash at this moment in time. My father agreed to this obviously on the proviso that I repay him which I am more than happy to do and would never expect him to just give me money!

I then received a phone call from my step-mother informing me that my behaviour in asking this of him was "unacceptable" and then an email telling me that my course debts are my own problem, that I have emotionally manipulated him and will I be happy when he has suffered from a heart attack caused from the stress of this situation. Confused Shock

Now if I was continually asking him for money I would understand why she would be angry with me but I work part time and through budgeting and cleaver buying I don't ask him for money at all.

Basically I'm just very shocked at her attitude and the email she sent, and hurt by the implication that I'm intruding on his life (her words). Also that I want to drive wedge between them which is ludicrous as I've always thought she was a great person and until today quite liked her and respected that she is his wife.

So AIBU to feel hurt and upset by this, and was IBU to ask my farther to help me out today?

OP posts:
Queenofchaos · 03/03/2011 17:59

No , YANBU at all

Her behaviour sounds very odd especially as you appear to have had a good relationship with her until now. Call her back!

bupcakesandcunting · 03/03/2011 17:59

YANBU to ask your father out.

It sounds to me like she might have other issues, might be with your father, and has taken it out on the wrong person - you.

babyapplejack · 03/03/2011 17:59

YANBU. She is being a total nasty bitch. But do be aware that men can be extremely well manipulated by their wives and he may therefore share her views.

Personally I would now give the £80 straight back and borrow it from someone else if possible. I suppose a cross between relieving your father's stress (if that is actually true) and killing your step mother with kindness.

bupcakesandcunting · 03/03/2011 18:00

ASK YOUR FATHER FOR HELP!!!

Where the fuck did that come from? Blush

LionRock · 03/03/2011 18:03

No and No.

Without knowing the history - does your stepmum look for any excuse to criticise you? Does she interfere with your relationship with your dad? SOunds not but maybe you'll view past comments differently now that this has occurred. Or is she having a bad day?

The "do you want to give him a heart attack" comment seems odd given the context and a previous good relationship with her.

Personally I'd speak to my dad one on one to find out what he thinks about the situation. DOn't let her be the go-between.

saffy85 · 03/03/2011 18:06

Intruding on his life? Eh? you're his daughter Confused

FWIW I don't think YANBU to be upset and I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your family for a loan. Same way it wouldn't be unreasonable for that person to say no- you should only ever loan what you can afford to lose. I do think you should talk to your stepmum and also your dad.

LessNarkyPuffin · 03/03/2011 18:11

Could there be health concerns or money issues you don't know about? Could the loan mean they won't have the money to do something they were planning?

If you usually get on ok with her this seems very odd. She was totally OTT and out of line.

Original poster
SomethingProfound · 03/03/2011 18:14

Me and her have always has a good relationship, and she has been very supportive of me in the past which is why i'm confused and upset at this.

bupcakes you are right there are having some issues at the moment and hope this is a reaction to that not that we don't have the good relationship i thought we did. I really don't want there to be a rift

babyapple I think you may be right and will try and find the funds from another source and get it back to him asap.

would like to talk to my father but alas it is generally hard to get hold of him with out going through her. It is however good to know that i was not being the demon step child as was starting to doubt my own behaviour.

OP posts:
PorcelinaOfTheVastOceans · 03/03/2011 18:18

LOL @ 'YANBU to ask your father out' oh aye?! Wink

YANBU. does your dad know about the horrible email she sent?! or the phone call. mind you, might not want to get him involved, he'll feel like he's stuck in the middle of you both.

is your SM like this often, or is it a one-off?

Olessaty · 03/03/2011 18:21

Looks to me like your step mother is causing more trouble for your dad be reacting the way she has than you have for asking for a one off loan of a relatively small amount money which will be paid back temporarily.

I wouldn't engage her in these histrionics, does she have a history of this or is it unprecedented?

MadamDeathstare · 03/03/2011 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bupcakesandcunting · 03/03/2011 18:41

Blush Have no idea where that came from but am ill and tired, excuses excuses Grin

OP, I have a very vivid imagination and think all sorts in situations like this. Do you think it is at all possible that your DF has had money problems, maybe due to gambling or something he wouldn't necessarily want to tell his wife, but has told her that he has been loaning the money to you to help your studying along?

I know it's far fetched. Just trying to think of possible scenarios.

Original poster
SomethingProfound · 03/03/2011 18:48

The event is this evening, but am going to try to have it back to him tomorrow, and try the overdraft option good thinking madam I know there not having problems with money as he would have just said no if that had been the case and he is very open with me about things such as this. I'm hoping if I give it a few days then will go from their. She can be a bit odd sometimes but is normally a very understanding and supportive SM.

I think some of the other posters may have hit the nail on the head and something is going on between them which has caused this reaction. Am not going to tell my farther if I can avoid it as there is no point upsetting him or causing problems between them with more arguments.

Thanks everyone for your responses though have helped me put this into perspective.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 03/03/2011 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuelleLeJeff · 03/03/2011 18:53

I am peeing myself at YANBU to ask you father out. Freudian slip much pervo?

OP. I find this odd in the context of your usual relationship, and agree with MadamDeathStare.

QuelleLeJeff · 03/03/2011 18:54

Whoops x posted. Sorry.

bupcakesandcunting · 03/03/2011 18:58

Well, my dad IS well sexeh...

mmsmum · 03/03/2011 19:03

lol at ask Father out

YANBU. It's £80, maybe if you had asked for £800 or £8000, but £80 til the 15th, I don't think there is any stress to be had from that!

Your step mother is BU, jealous much? Maybe your Dad has thought about doing something to help you out and she doesn't agree?

You are his daughter, you cannot interfere in his life, it's impossible! My Dad would have done anything for me, yours sounds the same

MrsDaffodill · 03/03/2011 19:16

YANBU

£80 till the 15th for an event you are running for a course (not a night on the tiles!) is exactly the kind of thing it is OK to ask a father for IMHO.

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