to want the "dear old biddies" to butt the hell out?

[NoWayNoHow]

When DS is on screaming, howling strop number 29 of the day, is it really compulsory for every old person in a 12 foot radius to come over to him and start with the "poor dear" and "don't cry little one" and "come on, cheer up"?? I'm not ignoring him because im a heartless bitch- I am refusing to reinforce his negative behaviour!

He may LOOK like butter wouldn't melt, but he's a frickin' difficult child who needs massively strong and clear boundaries, and every time a well-intentioned OAP toddles over, they undermine what I'm trying to do.

I only post this today cos I actually just told off an old man but in my defence it's been a day of shiteness equalled only by yesterday's shiteness.

Go ahead, flame me- day couldn't get any worse!

oh they are only trying to help - better than tutting, sighing and judging

like fernie said probably won't make any difference to what you're trying to do anyway

MadamDeathstare I love that idea. I recently sent my MIL a photo of ds3 ("such an angelic child" she says) having the strop of the century with the title "One boy for sale, any reasonable offer accepted." She didn't think it was funny .

Won;t flame you for wanting people not to interfere - but I do get so fed up of the fact that agism is seen as perfectly OK on here.

It's going to get to the stage where nobody ever takes an interest in anybody's child anymore for fear of incurring the wrath of stressed-out, unreasonable mothers.

I really feel sorry for elderly people who, in their day, used to be considered valued and their opinion (having done it all before) was appreciated. Even if there were no words of advice, these people were showing solidarity and understanding towards you, trying to make your DS stop crying and smile... and you treated them with disdain and a complete lack of respect.

As mothers we don't know it all and we don't always do the right thing. Please don't come whinging when people ignore you and your offspring and couldn't care less what happens to them or you, will you.

Well, they are being forced to listen to a screaming child whose mother appears to be doing nothing. Now I know you are not reinforcing meg. behaviour but there will be those who will think a child cries for a reason. It's a times like this biting your tongue is a good skill to have.

When I am old I will be wise and knowledgeable and will share my insights with anyone who cannot escape

meg = neg

pawsnclaws I bet the kids in Russia are a bit more respectful of adults!

It is a vicious circle. I do respect elderly people which is why I complemented the lady before I said to her she knows nothing about me. I wanted to reason with her. I think a lot of elderly people have been upset by younger people and vice versa. It is a shame that there seems to be a divide.

But I know a lot of elderly people who I also love. I know some people are just trying to make you feel better about your screaming child. And I think tbh you forget very quickly how naughty children can be and how sometimes you have to ignore them. I really had to battle with my mum not to pick up my son every time he cried. And when I had to go into hospital for a week, she lovingly looked after him for me but cut his afternoon napp because she said he didn't want to go down. Where as I would have left him for at least ten mins. She can't bear him crying for just ten seconds.

I'm sure when we're old, we'll all go all softy again.

I reported someone to social care today for abuse of their child after speaking to a family therapist who told me that it takes a village to raise a child and the biggest thing that is wrong these days is that pther people think they have no business getting involved.

Rejoice that someone gives a shit about your child, explain whilst pulling a demented face that he is challenging and this is the hundredth time you have encountered this today and maybe ask them what they think you should do.

My family therapist - through work - goes up to people in Tesco and actually offers unsolicited advice - he said some people tell him to fuck off but some people are just happy that someone understands their predicament and is offering help.

I've had the grumpy old man threatening to call the police because I was berating ds1, aged 6, for standing int eh middle of the road looking at an oncoming lorry. He just STOPPED.

'but I do get so fed up of the fact that agism is seen as perfectly OK on here.'

I haven't got over a woman in her early 60's
(perfectly capable of running a marathon, skiing a black route, riding a horse everyday, head of a school, prime minister etc etc etc) being called elderly on a thread last week!! How old are these 'old biddies' and is it acceptable if they are middle aged or young or male?

I dont like the ageism either, lots of old people (not the horrible ones obv) just want to be helpful and if their way of being helpful is out of touch with our current mores etc well thats not really their fault.

We should have more compassion for others no matter how irritating they are.

(Although I struggle sometimes especially on the bus where only last week an older lady swore at me because I had the temerity to get onto the bus with my buggy)

But then a lot of the bitter ones can be in a lot of pain and I know that if I was then I would be swearing at people all day as well.

I'm not being ageist - I am simply stating the age of ALL the people who congregate on my son when he's throwing a tantrum. In the last 2 years of tantrums, going by guesstimate alone, I would say that not one person who's approached him has been under the age of 75.

I'm not going to lie and say everyone of all ages engages him mid-strop just to keep MNers happy!

Obviously, the flip side of this is that it's OAP's who frequently stop little kids in the street just to say hi, and stop by a table in a restaurant to have a conversation. It's not all bad, but I think they view very young children with rose-tinted glasses which makes it hard to discern when it is and isn't appropriate to engage...

I agree with what lyingwitchinthewardrobe said.

YABU.

No matter what you do, your child will grow out of having tantrums. Someone making a passing and kind comment is not going to undermine your parenting

There was a thread the other day (can't remember what it was about - i could have been yesterday to be perfectly honest) where someone was commenting that nowadays we are all so concerned about "parenting" whereas people just used to "have kids" and the negative impact of this. This is sort of a good example.

There is never an excuse for anyone to be rude to you, but that is completely unrelated to age, and not what the OP is talking about.

Agree with lying too. They aren't trying to undermine you

A very young (2-3months) child on the bus was crying at having woken up, and I started chatting to her/him, "Yes, I know - I get tired and grumpy when I've just woken up too." I just thought I was being (indirectly) reassuring that I didn't mind a crying baby sitting right next to me - cause s/he was making a hell of a noise! - but the parent got a bit huffy.

I think I'll just say nothing next time.

That is sad and exactly what's going to start happening lily

YANBU they should know better, after all they are the generation full of advice on "leaving them to cry" and leaving their DC in prams at the bottom of the garden!