Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a total failure in life?

13 replies

Bigoldfailure · 03/03/2011 14:57

I will never own a house. I left an abusive relationship and live in rented accommodation, it is all I will ever be able to do. I am too old to retrain and have a disabled child so am unable to work anyway. I have achieved nothing apart from my two beautiful dc. I am a first class fuck up who probably would fit right in on Jeremy Kyle.

I already know IANBU. Don't know how to move things forward though.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 03/03/2011 14:59

yabu.

Of course you are. You just can't see it yet.

owning a house is not everything. It means you have to clear your own drains is all.

you've got a job. It's called bringing up dc.

is there anything you particularly want to do?

Gleekfreak · 03/03/2011 15:00

You have achieved something-2 beautiful DC- and I'm sure much else besides! Being strong enough to leave your abusive relationship for one shows strength of character. Who says owning a house is the b-all and end-all anyway? Loads of people do't bother in Germany etc. Give yourself a break here :)

Chil1234 · 03/03/2011 15:01

You seem pretty good at working out what's gone wrong. It might be harder to judge what's gone right but there will be lots of things. The courage to leave the abusive relationship and set up solo.... the resourcefulness that goes with being a single parent... being a lovely mum isn't a given. And, if you struggle to think of your assets, ask friends and relations what it is they like and admire about you. Then make a list and remind yourself of it daily.....

BTW... even if you can't work or retrain, you can still get a sense of achievement in other things. Could be learning something new, a hobby, growing some plants on the windowledge, making a cake, doing something kind for someone else. Play to your strengths.

mmsmum · 03/03/2011 15:03

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!

Now that that's clear lol Seriously you are not. The second thing you said was that you left an abusive relationship, that makes you strong, you succeeded in getting out, not everyone does, you are someone to be respected!

How old are you? I saw you are never too old to retrain, even if you can't see yourself working just now, you can still study and keep your mind occupied while giving yourself a sense of purpose and achievement. I completely recommend the OU and if your not working it will be free.

You have two beautiful children! Who did that? Because I think it was you! You certainly haven't failed them, you have given them life, a home, I presume you feed and clothe them too lol But most importantly, more than anything else they need, they have a Mum who loves them

You are so totally BU! Pick your head up and try to only think of the good, see the positives in your life and the opportunities you have for yourself and your children. Leave the past behind where it belongs. See your gp if you would like help from them, I'll bet they will be really supportive, also look into what ever it is you want to do and believe in yourself that you can do it. I believe you can Smile

Original poster
Bigoldfailure · 03/03/2011 15:04

Blimey just started blubbing when I read your replies. Thanks. . Would love to be a midwife or social worker but over forty and no Childcare or support. It all just feels so hopeless. You get one life but I have wasted mine apart from amazing dc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigoldfailure · 03/03/2011 15:05

I am doing a degree with the OU.

OP posts:
Snuppeline · 03/03/2011 15:07

You Are Being Very Very Unreasonable! Your not a failure. Your a survivor by the sounds of it! That by definition is being a success. Life's clearly dealt you some very tough cards. You've got a right to be upset about that but consider what you have achieved. My mother's life, similar to yours, did not develop the way she expected but what she said was that once she stopped thinking of all the things she should have done (and wanted to do) and thought more about the things she could do and did do (within her own life situation) she was a lot happier about herself. I hope you can try to do the same.

Do rant on here from time to time though, that will only do you good!

AlpinePony · 03/03/2011 15:07

Your life is not wasted. Not many people, never mind on mumsnet alone will rise to become CEO of an international company with philantropic interests... nor will it be chipped in to their headstone "had a nice 5-bed detached and did you see their conservatory?".

Being a decent, kind human being is very underrated.

mmsmum · 03/03/2011 15:08

Your life isn't a waste! You didn't say before that you were studying, see, you are doing positive things and you didn't even remember! You can do it, you don't need to retire until you're really really old lol Keep working away at your books and looking after DC's and when you are ready there will be opportunities for you out there.

Rhinestone · 03/03/2011 15:23

Alpinepony's view is spot on.

You have a disabled child - you CAN'T get a job. Isn't that what Carers Allowance / Disability Allowance is for?

You're NOT a failure. You mean the world to your DC.

Fourleaf · 03/03/2011 15:32

YABU - but I do feel for you. Success is judged so strangely nowadays. I say that raising 2 kids - including a disabled kid - leaving an abusive relationship, doing an OU degree - sounds VERY successful to me. You may not be able to formally re-train in the future (although maybe you can) but you can certainly do great things with your life. In fact, you already are :)

Original poster
Bigoldfailure · 03/03/2011 15:54

Thank you. I do actually feel a tiny bit more positive.

OP posts:
amiheartless · 03/03/2011 16:01

You left an abusive rwlationship, hold your head high and looking after your DC's

New posts on this thread. Refresh page