To expect DP to come to MY house??

[chosenonesparklyglitterybow]

really not sure whether I am or not- please give honest views

Been with DP over 6 months in that time spend the majority of time at his house 8 miles away. Mainly because I have DC he hasn't yet met ( on my wishes- he's very keen to meet)and I enjoyed having a break and being in his home. I often made the effort to use public transport at all hours and only occasionally asked him to come and pick me up. Also my Ex DH only left last summer so felt a bit odd at mine at first. However, he does come to mine a bit more now but doesn't really relax as much as he would at his.

This weekend Im out at a show for the evening and will come home 11 ish I would like him to be at mine so we can go to bed together, have a lie in together etc. I know it means him staying and watching TV at mine, but thats all he wants to do at his anyway, he's not going anywhere. I could get a taxi to his after the show but its £££. He feels that after working long hours all week and he's working Sunday that this will be the only evening he can chill in his own home and lie in his own bed. My DC are at their dads so Id like the chance to see him am BU to want him to come to mine. I truly know he loves me and we're committed but I often feel he'd be happier for me to fit in with his life and his home than mine.

YABU. He will probably feel uncomfortable sitting in someone elses house while he waits for them to come home. He just wants to relax in his own surrounding.

My DP often does this.

We have been together over 2 years and we live 30 miles apart so usually only see each other at weekends. If I am going out with my friends (which isnt very often) he will come over here and he will watch a bit of telly and go on the computer and might even nip to the village pub for a drink and I will text him when i get into the taxi to come home and he will have the kettle on ready to make a coffee for me when i get in. He likes to do it for 2 reasons, he says if he didnt that would mean another night we spend apart and as we only get 2 nights a week together it would cut our time in half plus he doesnt like me to come home to an empty house late at night.

I think its ok to ask him if he would do it but if he's not comfortable then you have to accept that for now but as your relationship develops i am sure he will begin to relax more in your house. My DP is totally relaxed at mine as i am at his but we werent as relaxed at the beginning.

You have only been together for 6 months so are still at the "dating" stage. If you are not on a date, why on earth would he be at your house, especially as you have already said he isn't really comfortable there as both you and he obviously still consider it where you used to live with your husband. This feeling is fading, but has not yet gone completely for him (although possibly for you as you are there everyday).

His reaction to this is normal and natural, as is your instinct not to introduce him to DCs too quickly after their Father has left, or too soon into a new relationship.

Slowly slowly catchee monkey.

YABU

I think you are being a bit selfish tbh.

I totally understand that feeling of wanting to chill out in your own house and sleep in your own bed.
Why should he be waiting at yours at your beck and call while you are out enjoying yourself on a Saturday night.

Ok- thanks sometimes I need clarity on whats fair and whats not. In my previous relationship I could be quite controlling and I don't want to fall into that agin tbh. I might just pay and get a taxi to his but then I wonder if I look a bit soft doing that- he'd love me to though

yabu
seems ridiculous that he should spend his night over at your house when you're out on a night because you want him to be there waiting for you.

lol @ Slowly slowly catchee monkey.