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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my DD to lose weight

40 replies

thecomputerwidow · 02/03/2011 22:09

my daughter is 9 years old and I have been told recently to tell her to lose weight to unable her to fit into clothes her own size. Would that not encourage her to become anorexic? and feel bad about herself. I am disgusted that it would be considered to do this when there are no health issues as DD is a tall girl for her age.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 02/03/2011 22:54

As most people have said, you don't have to tell her to lose weight, just make sure she eats healthy and exercises more.

I suggested on a thread yesterday that a 9yr old girl whose belly was so large she needed age 15 clothes, might be able to lose weight between now and October and you should have seen the OTT reactions from some people.

Loads of shocked faces and people saying things like "You can't tell her she needs to lose weight" and "I can't believe anyone would suggest that"

Of course you don't tell them but as a parent you make sure they get fitter and healthier.

HeathcliffMoorland · 03/03/2011 00:10

Agree on family eating plan.

Also, fitting into clothes for her age isn't really a problem.

I know a ten year old girl who is more developed than most her age. She's 5 foot 3 and wears adult size 6/8. Definitely not fat, very healthy and athletic.

I know this doesn't match your situation. I'm just illustrating it.

Best of luck. :)

ZombiePlan · 03/03/2011 15:49

At nearly 5ft tall, less than 7st doesn't sound fat to me. I was around that weight at the same height and was considered to be quite thin. Does she need to tone up/improve posture rather than drop a few pounds? If you stand badly, even thin people can appear chubby...

amiheartless · 03/03/2011 15:57

I wouldnt really say anything

you do the weekly shop? make some cahnges if neccesary, more excercise if its needed

GrimmaTheNome · 03/03/2011 16:06

If she's 5' tall she surely won't fit clothes 'for her age' anyway. Childrens clothes are sized by 'age' but also by height and that's what you actually need to go by. If your child has difficulty widthwise fitting clothes for her height, then you may want to make some of the gentle interventions suggested.

(my 12 year old is short and plump, buying clothes for her is a problem so we do have to focus on the exercise and healthy eating)

However, the 'Would that not encourage her to become anorexic' issue is probably overstated. There are far more obese children in the UK now than anorexics. The 'feel bad about herself' is more to the point.

GrimmaTheNome · 03/03/2011 16:08

Parents in general are telling me to tell her to lose weight

?? just wondering who the heck these 'parents in general are' to be making such intrusive comments about your DD.

NettoSuperstar · 03/03/2011 16:23

OP, I've been concerned about DD's weight in the past few months too, but small changes are helping.
She's also 9, and going through puberty so her shape is changing.
I've linked this thread from last year, so you can read what I've done.
I'm Muggglewump on there.
linky

Casserole · 03/03/2011 17:57

It's a thread about a thread

and not a particularly accurate one at that.

NettoSuperstar · 03/03/2011 18:04

Oh, I didn't realise that.

You can't win though really with kids weight.
I've seen people on here be horrid if you have a child who is overweight, and as you'll see from the thread I linked to, I was accused of possibly giving DD hang ups when I was trying to do the right thing.

Still am, we still don't have bread in the house. It's not missed at all.

We do tend to have baking in now-biscuits or cake, but they are home made, and when it's gone, it's gone.
DD also knows that one piece a night is her limit, and doesn't ask for more.

She's growing nicely into her new body, and I know I am doing the right thing.

GrimmaTheNome · 03/03/2011 18:04

Thanks cass - I thought when I re-read that it didn't sound quite like real life.

TeacupTempest · 03/03/2011 19:14

Its a delicate subject. I think weight can be tackled appropriately and I by no means think that every child who is put on a diet will develop an eating disorder but....

I was an early developer and tall for my age, though looking back never fat. My mum put me on a diet at 13, commented on my weight and appearance. Thus began years of eating disorders which I still suffer with now. Obviously other factor were involved but........just be very careful

lizzie1180 · 03/03/2011 19:33

Try using an online children's BMI calculator such as the nhs choices. This will tell you if you child is a healthy weight based on their age and height.

It's very rare that a child should be encouraged to actually loose weight, more that they should stay at the same weight and just get taller.

GabySolis · 03/03/2011 20:07

Even if she is overweight, do you have to explicitly tell her? Why not just make some diet/lifestyle choices for all the family.

I completely agree with that comment someone posted.
At the age of 9 why do you even need to tell her to lose weight? YOU are in control of her diet at that age. Don't know what the families diet is like already (obviously) but make sure you don't buy in any crap like crisps/biscuits/cakes etc, if hungry between meals always have fruit on hand to snack on, and make sure your family meals are all healthy and home cooked.
Instead of telling her she needs to lose weight (which I think will cause no end of problems and make her paranoid if you do) just see it as an opportunity to get the whole family on a health kick so to speak. That way you're getting everyone to eat ehalthily and not singling your daughter out.

pointythings · 03/03/2011 20:27

I wouldn't tell her to lose weight either, just make sure she eats healthily and gets lots of exercise and let natural growth take care of the rest.

I was a little worried about my own DDs developing chub (she's 10 now) but since Christmas she's grown an inch and we can see her ribs again - she's also started developing a more female shape. She's now at the low end of the normal range and was probably never overweight at all...

She too is very tall for her age - her height is all in the body so she wears age-size trousers and skirts but a size up for tops and dresses so that long sleeves are actually long and tops don't show flashes of belly. She takes an adult shoe size 4 so there's clearly more growth to come...

I did buy her an adult size 8 demin skirt a little while ago because she wanted a long length one and everything in children's size was a mini - but I had to take it in 2 inches at the waist.

atthecarwash · 03/03/2011 20:40

I'm going through exactly the same thing with my DS

I haven't told him he needs to loose weight, but I am swapping snacks for healthier versions and reducing portion sizes. He exercises a lot anyway but was consuming too many extra calories...he has a big appetite!

The result? Well he's already lost weight in the space of a couple of weeks. i haven't weighed him, for obvious reasons, but I can't tell he's on the mend.
good luck and well done for being concerned. Much easier to deal with this whilst they're young enough for us to control what they eat

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