Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To have not rung my mother for the last couple of weeks?

24 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 02/03/2011 17:47

She's not ill, she's not infirm. She has plenty of friends, drives a car, does a volunteer job and has a more hectic social life than me.

I've been really busy the last 2 weeks, went away last weekend for big exams and prior to that have been revising and chasing insurance companies about after a car accident.

I just rang her and she was very frosty with me. I asked her what she'd been up to and her response was "I can't rememebr its been that long since you spoke to me". Then asked me what I wanted and said that I must want something if I was ringing her. When I said I didn't want anything there was silence. So I'm trying to make conversation and just getting yes and no answers back.

The funny thing is her mum was exactly the same with her and it used to drive her nuts. She used to moan no end about her mum making her feel guilty for not visiting more often, etc.

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 02/03/2011 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsscoob · 02/03/2011 17:49

YANBU she should ring you if shes that bothered. Why should you be the one that has to initiate contact anyway, I would have thought as the Mum she should be the one ringing anyway. My Mum phones me far more than I phone her!

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 02/03/2011 17:49

Did you point out that there was nothing to stop her picking up the phone if she wanted to talk to you?

YANBU

MrsH75 · 02/03/2011 17:50

YANBU. My mum rings me or sends a text if I go over a week without speaking to her.

cricketballs · 02/03/2011 17:50

I know the feeling! My mum will moan about how loud my youngest can be (11 with SN) so I don't visit that often, but with having a job, husband, kids, dog etc etc I don't get round to calling for a chat. When I do speak to her she will moan that I haven't phoned; but I do say to her that she has my number and she could call me to see if we are all ok.......

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 02/03/2011 17:54

I did tell her that she could have called and she reckoned its always her calling which isn't true. I would also say that at least twice in the last couple of months when I've rung she's been shitty with me for interrupting her dinner or a TV show. Shitty to the point of rudeness "oh why do you have to ring in the evening, I'm busy, can't you ring in the day".

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 02/03/2011 17:59

Well, why don't you point it out?

"you are turning into grandma. Haven't you always said how annoying it was when she complained that you hadn't phoned her, and that she made you feel guilty? You're your mother now, aren't you?"

Be interesting to hear her reply.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 02/03/2011 18:01

My Mother never phones me and then when I phone her says she has been worried that soemthing has happened to me because I have not called... but never thinks of picking up the phone. Yet funnily enough she phones my brother all the time "because she would never get to speak to him" if she didn't... hmmmm

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 02/03/2011 18:02

Its maybe an age thing, maybe I will do it to DD when I hit 60.

OP posts:

notanumber · 02/03/2011 18:05

Ok, I hate it when people pop up on these threads and say, "Well my mum is DEAD so you are B VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV U. Ring her now because she's your mum and you're lucky to have her" etc.

But having said that, my own mum is going to die very soon, and I have spent many a sleepless night recently regretting the times I've been avoided her calls just because her antics sent me nutty and I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than listen to the saga of next door's conservatory.

She drives you up the wall - that's what mums do. And she's the only one you've got. Pull faces at the phone and have a good bitch to your DP when you've hung up, I always find that quite theraputic (she does sound like she's being hard work from what you've said!). But do ring her more often if that's what she wants.

Original poster

VivaLeBeaver · 02/03/2011 18:10

NotaNumber - you are of course right and I do normally ring her more, will make more of an effort even when busy. I'm sorry about your mum.

OP posts:

AnnyR · 02/03/2011 18:10

I ring my Mum once a week at least and we never get into this situation. It all really came home to me when my son left home in September to go to Uni and I felt like my right arm had been cut off!

I had to remind myself that that's how my Mum feels about me. I don't get into the "whose turn is it" kind of argument, I just ring her for a nice chat.

Not that difficult really ;)

chipmonkey · 02/03/2011 18:47

Sorry about your Mum notanumber.

pranma · 02/03/2011 19:51

I wish with all my heart that I had rung my mum more often.I rang her once a week and she rang me on a different day-otherwise just emergencies.I know she would have liked a daily chat.She gave me life-I could have spared her 10 minutes a day but i was too selfish to see her need.She died in 1993 and I wish she was here.
My dd and I talk most days-she is a better daughter than I was just as my mum was a better mum :(

sims2fan · 02/03/2011 19:51

I think you are being a bit unreasonable actually. I know my brother very rarely rings our mum, which upsets her quite a bit. She rings him every fortnight or so but not more than that because I think she feels he obviously doesn't really like speaking to her much so doesn't want to disturb him. When we had all that snow he didn't ring her once, even though while not ill or infirm she is 67 (and a widow living alone) so not as sure on her feet in icy conditions as she probably once was. I know she was quite hurt he didn't check up on her for a couple of weeks (and even then she rang him), particularly after there were reports on the news of a couple of older people falling over in their gardens and freezing to death there. Personally I think that as my mum raised me the least I can do is give her a ring every couple of days.

NotANaturalGeordie · 02/03/2011 19:54

My granddad was exactly the same - a cantankerous old bugger to boot with sexist and racist old fashioned views.

I miss him so much and wish I had called more often. I never realised how lonely he was.

purplepidjin · 02/03/2011 19:58

Argh! I have this too. I love my mother dearly, and speak to her several times a week, but OMG the passive aggressive nonsense if I don't ring!

She has my mobile no, home no and email address

She has more money than sense me

She is retired so has more time than she can shake a stick at me

But no, she has to act as travel agent for the guilt trip EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!!!!

And yes, I remember her moaning about this from her own (now deceased and much missed) mother...

McGrumpyPantsofGrumpington · 02/03/2011 21:05

YANBU! I have to ring my mum every single night so she can say goodnight to DC and check I have not killed or maimed them or she goes in a strop questioning why we didn't call. I love her but it gets right on my wick!

happycamel · 02/03/2011 21:13

What Hecate said.

Phones work in both directions.

twinkytonk · 02/03/2011 21:17

YANBU I can go for a good few weeks without phoning my mum and have gone 3 months not talking to my dad. That's just the way our family works, we all know life gets in the way.

PlasticLentilWeaver · 02/03/2011 21:21

Haven't spoken to my mother since the middle of January, or my father since some time before Christmas.

begonyabampot · 02/03/2011 21:39

I didn't phone my mum that often - or her phone me, it's just the way we were. Now that she is dead i wish i had made more effort, especially as i now have children and the thought of them never wanting to or bothering to phone me in the future is quite sad. Most mums are happy to phone as mums generally are happy to call often and have a small chat. It will probably mean more to me that my children actually choose to remember me and are happy to call and have a chat, rather than me feeling I'm badgering them with calls when really they can't be bothered or would rather be doing something else.

begonyabampot · 02/03/2011 21:42

My brother rarely bothered with my mum even thought he lived 5 mins away. It would have meant the world to her if he had picked up the phone to her now and then for a random chat. It wasn't till she was dying that he (we all really) realised how much he loved her and he feels guilty for all those missed opportunities.

Withwoman · 02/03/2011 21:47

It is a favourite saying of my Mothers, that the Phone works both ways.... This is aimed at her siblings who NEVER pick up the phone to phone her!

Flip