to not go to work tomorrow and stay with chickenpoxy DS even though the childminder says she'll look after him?

[IHeartKingThistle]

I'm feeling really torn here. DS is 18 months and got chickenpox today. I teach part-time at secondary level.

I take my job seriously, I work hard and never take sick days myself if I can possibly help it. I've only been in the job since September and my department is mainly staffed by women who don't have children. (Nothing against women without children of course, but it's a little difficult when no-one knows what juggling work and kids is like.) Last term when I had to stay with DD, who had a chest infection, the disapproval was made quite clear. I'm very conscious of what they'll be saying tomorrow if I'm not there . And obviously I don't want to let my classes down.

The childminder is happy to look after DS tomorrow and so far he isn't suffering too badly, but he is quite clingy at the moment (understandably!) and I just feel that I should be the one looking after him. I will feel so guilty tomorrow if I leave him.

This is one of the perils of being a working mother, right? So please help me pull myself together - do I go to work or not?

It's a tough one really.

Tough because if you stay with him tomorrow due to him being clingy, won't that make leaving him the day after even harder?

Plus if you've already had time off with your other child, would that put your job at risk? I know agency teachers cost a fortune and at a time where money is tight, would it get you in any sort of trouble?

to be honest, it is quite dull staying in looking after poorly children, and how long woudl you be off for, chicken pox isnst just one day is it?

basically you just want a day off

I'm afraid I think you should. The fact that you don't take sick days yourself isn't really relevant. You already (as is your choice and right) have flexible working so I'm sure you'll be able to spend the day with him soon as he recovers.

I appreciate that you feel torn but you do have care for him and you do have an obligation to your classes too.

Doubt if she'd be in trouble or her job at risk. They might well dock her pay.

I expect they'd stick a cover supervisor in front of the class.

If the childminder is happy, then really you should be going to work.

It's not as easy as simply sticking a cover supervisor in front of the class.

Most schools have to pay for agency staff and they cost (for my son's Infant school anyway) £95 per day. That's on top of paying the OP's wage as they can't just simply dock it.

If the childminder is happy then you should go to work, it would be dishonest no to really.

In secondary it's very likely they'll draft a cover supervisor in - and quite a few staff end up having to take time off unpaid for dependants.

Also I suspect that the agency teachers cost more than that - the agency takes a big cut.

Are you planning to use your annual leave or just throw a sickie?

Supply teachers are paid between £100 and £150 a day in our area (saw an advert today funnily enough) which is a hell of a lot of money for the LEA to stump up.

Your DC will be fine with the childminder.

If the childminder doesn't have any other kids there then he should be fine.

Do you work thursday? If not then at least you'll be with him then? If you were at work all week it would be a different story.

Hope you find a solution.

i dont blame you though op.
i took a sickie for my dd for the first time in ever recently. it felt like it was always someone else looking after her when she was sick.

No that's exactly how much the agency teachers cost in my child's Infant school.

Thanks for the responses, clear thinking is what I needed!

I'll be at work for the rest of the week now Meglet but at least I was here today.

I don't think DS cares how much a supply teacher costs but you're all talking sense and he will be absolutely fine with the childminder. I'll have to cope with the guilt!

And the LEA don't stump up the cost of the agency teachers. The individual schools have to find the money out of their annual budget..that like most other things have been cut back to within an inch of its life.

Of course your DS doesn't care how much supply teachers cost. That's up to you to care (or not as the case may be)

Welcome to life as a working Mum :)

You can never really win in this situation. Go to work and you feel like shite for not being with your child. Stay at home and you feel like shite for letting your employer/colleagues down.

Ultimately you have look at who will be affected most and in this situation I think it's the school.

That was a joke! I was more worried about who I'd be letting down the most than the financial side of the argument. I'm glad it's been pointed out to me but on top of all the other guilt, that would have come fairly low on the list - the amount of teachers I know who take sickies on a regular basis is astonishing and I'm not one of them!

Thanks for the input though, I agree school funding is ridiculous at the moment.

Thanks private, I can never see things that clearly!

Anyway I forgot to say, I hope he makes a speedy recovery. I'm sure he will

I have just had this dilemma. DS age 3 had chicken pox first and was fine, I am a nurse and did my 2 night shifts and slept for a few hours in between as usual while DH looked after him. DD age 17 months was a different story she had a rash over her back while DS had the pox, then it spread over her whole trunk and she was spiking temps and off colour, this went on for nearly 2 weeks. We took her to GP definitely not chicken pox, it was urticaria an allergic reaction to something I carried on working with instructions for DH about meds.

Then she blistered we took her back and as we suspected she now had chicken pox. She was very poorly had temps of 40, didn't eat any solids, was plastered in blisters everywhere including her mouth and vagina, was extremely itchy, waking several times a night for fluids, creaming, meds and comfort she became a velcro baby for a week. Luckily she is still breast feeding as this was all she could manage and provided some comfort too. I called work and said there was no way I could leave her even with DH.

All my annual leave had been used up as nearing the end of the year and not allowed to carry any over so I took it as unpaid. I did feel guilty leaving my colleagues a regular member of staff down but they had bank cover and understood; most have kids. I would have felt more guilt for leaving her though.

Sorry for rambling on IHKT, probably best to see how he is in the morning. Hopefully he will breeze through it like DS. Does he have a nice relationship with the CM and will she only be looking after him or other children also?

Thanks worraliberty!

Sleepylittlebunnies that sounds awful! I'm hoping DS will breeze through it too. He's got eczema and is really good about not scratching usually. I'll be going to work unless he's really bad in the morning.

He loves the childminder, just doesn't like being left! She'll have another little girl there tomorrow who hasn't had chickenpox, but the childminder rang her and she said she wants her DD to get it. Her DD is a lot more demanding than my DS usually though so she'd not going to take too kindly to DS getting a bit more attention than usual!

I can usually ignore the working mother guilt quite well, but when they're ill it just goes out of the window doesn't it?!

That should have been the childminder rang the girl's mother. The toddler doesn't have a phone .