In-Laws Part III - AIBU

[Mare11bp]

Following several years of unrest, general interfering in my life and the manner in which I bring up DC, I am tired of pussyfooting around. It is causing endless problems at home and needs sorting once and for all. I have kept quiet for years, not saying a word, which is out of sorts with my persona. I have not been brought up to be rude but I am confident, forthright in my views and speak my mind. In a diplomatic, not a rude way.

I have my DP's consent to be more assertive - but AIBU to start speaking my mind, in a non-rude manner, or deflecting random acts of interference?

YAabsolutelyNBU. You are right, it needs to stop. Good luck!

YANBU You and your DP really should have established boundaries long ago.

"I have my DP's consent to be more assertive"

Why isn't he being more assertive if they're interfering? They're his parents.

Are we meant to guess at what you are objecting to?

Just be non-rude. They would just criticize more if not.

YANBU but please give more details!

They might be shocked if you bring up things from years ago and wonder why you didn't say anything earlier.

I would get dp to talk to them so I could avoid being the evil dil - so long as he doesn't tell them it's you upset and not him.

Squeakytoy - apologies. Offences include barging into delivery room while my legs akimbo, inviting themselves on holiday with us when uninvited, being criticised for leaving DS with somebody not approved of even tho another family member who DS adores, saying my DS's nursery was shite groundless and based on jealousy) the list is endless.....and trying to preserve my anonymity here! To be fair matters have calmed down a bit of late but the problem has not been eradicated completely. DP understands and supports to an extent but is a bit chicken shit with it all. That's him, I can't change that.

PrincessScrumpy - I agree, I wouldn't drag up the past - just tackle new issues as and when they arise. I am not one to hold a grudge, like others.......

If he can't deal with it himself he needs to sit next to you when you talk to them and back you up. If he can't then there's no point. You have to present a united front.

Was actually thinking of not tackling them on their behaviour head on, being more subtle than that - i.e. just making it clear when they try to interfere that I am not interested and doing it my own way etc etc.

OMG YASNBU FFS!

"I am confident, forthright in my views and speak my mind. In a diplomatic, not a rude way."

Answered your own question. You go girl. Life's too short to choke on slow-burning resentment, and it doesn't look like you'll get any help from DP. This situation is never going to improve on its own, which means you'll just go on feeling worse and worse until something snaps that would probably be better not snapping. Go for it.

Your DP has to support you, otherwise the ILs will just bypass you and impose what they want via him. If he is too chicken shit to do more than just sit there while you deal with his own parents , then take his opinion out of the equation altogether. Decide what you want and then do it, leaving no room for argument from them. If they then try to work on your DP, let him know that what you want is not up for discussion. If he insists on behaving like a child, then treat him like one.

When something comes up you have to deal with it straight away. Say no and mean it. If you are going to be half arsed about things, then you might as well not bother. Some people only respond to blunt. Subtle hints are wasted on them. If they haven't worried about offending you, then you should stop worrying about offending them!

OK, they sound horrendous. Time to 'cowgirl up'.

Try,

"Did you mean to be rude because that sounded a bit rude to be honest."

"Well this is how we do it."

"Our family holidays are very important to us and we want it to be just our family. It's not a relaxing holiday for us if we have to take other people into account. We'll tell you all about it when we get back."

"No, I don't want to do that."

Rhinestone

Which bit?!