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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think elective repeat caesarian is a valid choice?

522 replies

schmee · 01/03/2011 17:58

I'm currently pregnant with DC3 and would like to have a repeat c-section. I had a planned c-section last time as had twins, one of whom was breach. I haven't seen the consultant yet, so I don't know if I'll be allowed one on the NHS but I hope so.

I remember last time round people saying "oooh I don't blame you if you're having twins" when I said I was booked into for a section. I really don't understand what "blame" has to do with it, particularly as the decision was made to safeguard the health of my twins. This time round if I say my preference is for a repeat c-section the response is even worse, with people from frenemies to strangers feeling able to question my choice and try to get me to reconsider. WHY?

I wondered if people here think repeat c-section is a valid choice. And whether anyone's mind about planned sections had been changed by watching One Born last night which showed what a calm and baby-focussed scenario a scheduled section can be.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 04/03/2011 14:27

Libra, you deserve to have a birth that you feel 100% comfortable with, whatever it may be. Definitely get in touch with your team! They're there to help and feelings like yours are what they're trained to work with (I've had AND/PND myself and had a lot of help from CPN and my consultants).

flippinpeedoff · 04/03/2011 14:46

libra, absolutely get the help you think you need. To go ahead with a vbac you HAVE to get your issues sorted. You have to be in a positive place and be ready for whatever the outcome.
I have issues clearly about the vabcs making me feel like a proper woman. They did. That's the truth of it for me. I feel like a proper woman because I gave birth to my children myself. Other women don't feel that need.
I don't know where that feeling came from, from society, from me. TBH I don't care, it was there and I gave birth normally and felt better.
I got no satisfaction from my sections and become depressed after the elective one especially and it took years and years for me to bond with that child, although he is now fantastic company to be with.
We are all different in our needs and outlook.
I was asked in the op about my feelings on repeat sections and I gave them. but they are based on my personal experiences. I needed to give birth to chase away the ghosts of a failed labour and elective section, but that is just me, not you, not anyone else.

vmcd28 · 04/03/2011 14:47

Libra, not sure if you've read it, but check your mumsnet inbox, as I messaged you earlier

LibraPoppyGirl · 04/03/2011 15:06

I have pm'd you vmcd28

Off to make a sandwich and coffee but I will be back as talking to you all is actually really helping me.

Thank you

lalamom · 04/03/2011 21:30

LibraPoppyGirl

I can absolutely assure you that the notion that you are a proper woman if you give birth naturally is absolute nonsense.It is peddled by people who are just attached to that idea somehow and having done it themselves feel somehow proud of it like it is an achievement. Now giving birth is an achievement, however you do it. The most important thing is both you and the baby come out of it healthy. I was incredulous that someone said to me they were so sorry I had missed out on the natural birth experience after my c section. I had a fabulous experience and was so grateful my son was undamaged and I was undamaged. It is just one of those daft ideas out there in the culture and I know other women have felt how you feel but if you can prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may have a c section and what a wonderful option to have this maybe this will help.

I do relate- when after 28 hrs of labour and many hrs of pushing the OBS advised c section I thought maybe I had not tried hard enough- the mind plays tricks on us when we are tired and emotional.

But when he came out and the whole team gasped at how big he was- I was told it was physically impossible for me to have birthed him vaginally-if I had pushed on I could have damaged him and myself.

C sections, mostly are fantastic calm experiences when they are required and it does not mean anything about you at all if that is the route you go. You have got to keep yourself healthy and that baby healthy.

Original poster

schmee · 04/03/2011 21:32

I second lalamom. Growing a baby is an achievement - it really really doesn't matter how they come out.

OP posts:

Chynah · 04/03/2011 21:54

With you on that one Schmee.

I know that when people have babies/young children they sometimes discuss their births but I am sure that some way down the line they no longer get introduced as 'x natural birth' or 'x cs' I mean who really wants to know that when meeting a 5 year old.

PigValentine · 04/03/2011 22:10

Alimat1

In my planned section I was prepped, taken to theatre, brought back, and cared for in recovery all day by a wonderful HCA. Everyone in theatre introduced themselves. Afterwards, Midwife checked the baby, made sure I was feeding, and left again. After the HCA left at 4, the midwives took over, were three hours late giving me pain medication, and lost my dinner.

Now I've read this back I'm nt quite sure how this is relevent. Still, I've got it off my chest

flippinpeedoff · 05/03/2011 06:55

schmee, " Growing a baby is an achievement - it really really doesn't matter how they come out."

Don't be so dismissive. That makes a mockery of women's birth experiences. That sort of comment makes them feel bad about being disappointed with the birth, after all how you birth "really really doesn't matter" does it? So how could you feel sad about the birth.
IT MATTERS to a lot of women. Just because it appears not to matter to you doesn't make it true for everyone. It mattered to me and you know I have spoken to lots and lots of women for whom it mattered very much.
That idea, that what goes for one person doesn't necessarily go for another is the thrust of a lot of this thread isn't it? So for some women how they birthed is very very important to them. I for instance am not interested in any kind of competitive birthing bollocks. It matters TO ME, it is about me and how I feel, not in relation to anyone else.
To tell someone like libra that it doesn't matter would make her feel bad for feeling bad, because it sees to matter to her.

WidowWadman · 05/03/2011 08:01

"That sort of comment makes them feel bad about being disappointed with the birth, after all how you birth "really really doesn't matter" does it? So how could you feel sad about the birth."

But that's exactly the point.Why would you want to reinforce a woman's disappointment and feeling of having failed, rather than pointing out how much she has achieved.

You had a great birth and feel fab about it. That's brilliant for you. But please don't be so fecking evangelical about it.

hissymissy · 05/03/2011 08:15

If your consultant says it's in your best interests, and the best interests of the child, then of course it's a valid option. If not, then it's only your choice if you pay private.

vmcd28 · 05/03/2011 08:50

[everyone keeps going round in circles emoticon]

flippinpeedoff · 05/03/2011 09:12

No widow, I've had great births and I've had ones I've felt very bad about. But I wasn't allowed to feel bad or disappointed because after all the actual way I birthed didn't matter, I had a baby so what was the problem? Not according to some people anyway. So then I felt bad about feeling bad. Felt ungrateful should be allowed to say it does matter to me, so should anyone if it does matter.
If they don't care then they don't care. However, I suspect very strongly that most women do care, very much

WidowWadman · 05/03/2011 10:04

Nobody denies that the feelings of disappointment some women feel are real, but wouldn't it be healthier to help them overcome these feelings rather than reinforcing the disappointment and encouraging them to dwell on it?

begonyabampot · 05/03/2011 11:13

flippin - you're totally missing the point.

Newgolddream · 05/03/2011 11:18

flippin - you are missing the point - by saying "it doesnt matter how a baby is born" - having this attitude is designed to stop women feeling bad about their birth - that theyve "failed" by not having the birth they imagined - its not saying women dont have emotions about an emotional experience.

Highlander · 05/03/2011 11:27

I think thrad titles like this are a bit misleading.

It's not up to anyone to decide how women per se should give birth.

Both VB and CS have their benefits and risks, and it's up to individual women to reach a conclusion for themselves, as to which 'way' they should go.

Every women is different, their family situation is different, their health risks are different, their mental health and response to each type of birth is different.

Thus, not only will the parameters be unique for each individual woman, but the parameters listed for that women might change for each pregnancy.

It's highly inappropriate for anyone to scream, "ooh, you can't give birth that way!!".

As women, we are never more vulnerable than in pregnancy and when giving birth. Let's support each other's very personal choices.

flippinpeedoff · 05/03/2011 12:19

newgoldendream, I understand what you are saying. But saying to a woman it doesn't matter is not going to make any difference to the way she feels if she feels bad she should be allowed to feel bad not be placated by empty words.
I am not missing the point as the point I referred to was " The it really doesn't matter" one.
Of course we should help women get over birth disappointment. But saying to anyone that they should not feel disappointed is pointless. They feel disappointed, let them, don't try to brush over it with platitudes because it negates they way they are feeling.

albertcamus · 05/03/2011 15:57

Schmee my first labour was horrendous, 36 hours +, every drug going to speed it up, no progress (well 0.5 cm !) - my blood pressure shot up, baby's heartbeat slowed right down, was whipped off for CS after screaming at them 'Don't let my baby die !' Awful, took ages to recover too due to attempting to BF hungry 9.5lb DS. Vowed no more until I got pregnant one year later - even before I knew it was twins, I demanded a CS with no trial of labour - just looking at the words 'Labour Ward' made me feel sick. Got through two patronising consultants until lovely little experienced Irish gynae agreed to elective CS (I think he knew it was twins even before I'd had the scan!). I was calm, happy & enjoyed the twins' birth, awake with epidural, and my recovery was much quicker (I informed them not to attempt to brainwash me about BF the twins), enjoyed them much much more than I'd expected, due to not having to recover from the anger & disappointment of the first time ... Good luck & take no notice of unsolicited opinions such as those you've had. 22 years on, I have a flat stomach and only have to watch One born every minute to be grateful for how it all went for me !

flippinpeedoff · 05/03/2011 16:43

love it . The opinions weren't unsolicited. Iirc, the op asked a question!

Original poster

schmee · 05/03/2011 17:29

Flippin - Iirc my OP was actually driven by unsolicited opinions I'd received - I think that's what albertcamus meant...

OP posts:

flippinpeedoff · 05/03/2011 17:41

fair enough

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