Does a toddler group need a committee?

[twinklingfairy]

I was warned not to get involved with committees, a RLF got stung and swore never to repeat the mistake.
I felt I had to cos no-one else would take it on, so ended up as chairperson.
Have been chairperson for 3 years now, I think, but never been good at the whole shouting out to the group thing. The treasurer and secretary seemed much happier with it so I let them get on.
Delegation, that's the key

Well, the treasurer has taken it to the extreme. I won't go into the many ins and out and everything. But it got to a point where I was treated as if I had nothing to do with it all at all, by her and she has pretty much taken over all the roles of the committee and then become very paranoid. She imagines that the secretary and I are in cahoots against her.
She is quite an aggressive and controlling woman, with moments of lovelyness thrown in. I have done my best to rein her in from upsetting people but then get it in the neck myself.
At one point I was actually in her house with her reigning abuse down on me about an idea of mine being 'Stupid' and she did not agree, was refusing to hand over the keys. She reduced me to tears before finally relinquishing them. 2 weeks later claiming that the idea was a brilliant one and she wished it had been done sooner.

Both the secretary and I have had enough and are handing in our notice at the next AGM (next week) the treasurer has decided that a committee is not really required anyway, so she is just going to stay on and do it all. That includes opening up, setting up, teas coffees, tidying up and closing up.
Her children will no longer be going to the group, after the summer at which point she will continue regardless because, as she has said,'what else is she to do with her time?'

What would you do?
Because it has got to the point where I will no longer be going to the group, once the AGM is done, even though I had planned to keep my DS going for another year , nearly 2 and I really like the group and so does he.
I don't really want to be around this woman anymore.
I don't think it is right that she wants to keep on going when she will not have children attending.
But then, if she is willing to do so much, who I am I to deny the group that better to take my personal feeling out of it all?

I have popped this on here to get traffic. I don't really want to bad mouth the treasurer just want opinions on whether I should keep going or should she keep going when she won't have a child involved?

There was meant to be a after my saying delegation is the key. Hope I don't come off badly cos of that.

If she's happy to take on the work, I'd let her. Sounds like alot of hassle you could do without and you're better off out of it.

I also think if she is happy to take on the work then let her.

In terms of whether you need a committee it depends. If you have a grant from anywhere or have a bank account to put money in, then yes you do need a committee.

If the committee just decides things like trips, collects the money and organises a trip then no you don't need a committee.

What does the constitution say about committee members?

Sorry you've been upset op, I'm with the others, let her get on with it and find yourself somewhere less stressful to go. But whatever you do, stop worrying about it, it's not your problem.

As others have said if you receive funds you have to have a committee. Normally people serve for no longer than 3 years then have to be elected again.

Chair
Vice chair
Treasurer

and at least 3 other committee members.

No we don't receive any funds.
The hall might, but the toddler group held from it don't. We just hire it for the few hours and pay for our electricity.
Constitution?

Most of the mums attending don't come from the area, they travel a few miles to get there because it is a nice friendly group.
That is the main reason I would want to keep going. My DD went from age 6 months, I even kept her going instead of going full time in playgroup because it was such a lovely environment.
I would have done the same for DS, but the group dynamics have change, new people in and this bother. I rely on 2 women, really, and if neither makes it, I feel a little lost.
It is such a shame because I have loved it for so long.

But, no I don't feel I ought to stop her. Although I think it is incredibly controlling of her and then she puts on a 'I am so put upon' act.
Only because you want it all!
sigh
I just find her presence oppresive (sp?) now.
I want to be all, £@ck you, you can't make me turn tail and run from something I have attended for 3.5 years. But sadly, I think she can.
And she doesn't even realise it. She believes that she could reduce me to tears then be my friend afterwards??
I just hoped that she would leave cos her daughter is, it could all settle down and I could enjoy the last year my DS will be going.

We do have a bank account, the secretary was saying that just yesterday that the treasurer would need 2 signatures.
So I don't how she plans to get round that.

I sympathise, OP. I was involved with a toddler group for a few years, and when I joined, it was run by someone who sounds exactly like the woman you're writing about. The committee had a chair, a secretary, a treasurer and plenty of members, but this woman did everything, refused to let other people do things, was rude and controlling, and if anyone questioned her, would go on and on about how she did so much for the group, and that no one else would help her. It was very stressful being a committee member (not to mention time consuming - the meetings were at her house and went on for hours) Like you, we were a group without funding - we gave a fee to hire the hall, but that was it. In the end, she fell out with the rest of us (I have to say, it was me what began it - something trivial, and I can't even remember what now, but it needed to be done) and three of us took over the main positions, and shared the "work" out far more evenly. Meetings moved to the pub, and lasted no more than an hour, and the whole committee felt a lot more harmonious without her taking over and insisiting that she knew better. Incidentally, she no longer had children at the group - they'd all started school, but like your woman, OP, said she had "nothing else to do with her time". I suspect that she saw pretty quickly that it was odd to be running a toddler group when you no longer had toddlers. Once my children all started school, I stepped down as chair of the committee and the two women who took over have taken it right back to the bad old days.

The point of my long rambly post, really, is that it wasn't good for the group to be run by someone as dictatorial and unpleasant as our first woman, and it has shrunk and become less pleasant now that the two who've taken over are doing the same old stuff. If you value the group, and want to continue going with your DC, then I thnk it is worth confronting the woman about it. Point out that it is far more sensible for the group to be run by mothers who have children at the group. It's a fact of toddler groups that the committee needs to be transient, and that mums should move on once their children no longer need it. Your woman needs to find something else to do with her time now - perhaps she could boss around the PTA instead?

Yes, eviltwins That is what I think.
I don't think a dictarorship, or a group controlled by someone who's children no longer attend can be good.
It is such a lovely group. I hate to think of it going to the dogs, but I have been fighting with this woman for a couple of years now. Tiptoeing around so that she won't give one of her aggressive little talks that she always seems to aim one mother in particular (this changes targets)
I am tired of it and the last time I stood up to her I found myself in her house with her bawling me out and then me bawling.

She said, in a tone that brooks now argument, if anyone has a problem with it (her taking control, y=then of course i will step down, but I don't see why they should. No one else wants to take it one. They all want an easy ride and if I don't mind then I don't see what the issue is.
Then the line given to me about having nothing else to do.
She is clever and I am not strong enough for it.
She would hate me forever if I took it from her and that is how she would see it. That I, in cahoots with my secretary, kicked her out and are evil incarnate.

There are some lovely women in the group now. I know of one who was always on charity things at her workplace. I mean, for goodness sake, we did a Wellie walk. This woman raised nearly £400 in one evening!
There are a couple who are happy to pitch in as well. But of course if someone else is willing and happy to do it all for you then you will let them, won't you?

You know what people are like on these occasions though, the find a sudden fascination with their shoes.
And if she is giving it big licks that she is happy to be in sole charge.......
Any money spending has always been put to the group as a whole. Not just to the committee, I am sure that this is what she would continue to do. I do not question her, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is trustworthy.
She has been in sole possession of the books for 2 years now.
We have a facebook group, would it be incredibly stupid to send everyone a message telling them to think about taking up positions? Otherwise they will just breath a sigh of relief (not realising what they are getting) and let her get on and I will just have to walk away.
Or perhaps they are getting a good thing really.
I just can't decide!

twinklingfairy - would it be such a bad thing if she hated you forever? I'm fairly sure that I am nowhere near the top of our old secretary's Christmas card list, and it doesn't bother me one little bit. If you're not the only person who feels like this, then I say stand up to her. She's a bully. She sounds exactly like our woman - the whole "if anyone objects, then of course I'll step down, but why on earth would you???" at which point, three of us said that actually, we'd like the opportunity to be able to run the group, and we felt it was time for new blood, and that it was really important that the people running the committee should be those who were totally involved in (ie had chidlren the right age for)the group.

Be strong! It would be a shame if your lovely group folded because of one woman. It's sad in a way that she feels she has nothing better to do with her time. We all have to move on once our children start to grow up. I thought I'd miss helping to run our group - it was such a big part of my life, but I don't miss it one little bit. Perhaps if she could be persuaded to move on, she'll realise that there are plenty of other things to do.

Incidentally, when we had our "show down" committee meeting, we came in with a "we wanted to thank you for all the work you've done for the group - we know how hard you've worked..." angle, before moving on to point out that it's not fair that one person monopolises things, and also that she might have felt that "no one else would do it", but actually that there were plenty of mums of younger children who felt that they would love to become involved, if only they were "allowed" to.

oh, your situation with the woman sounds exactly the same, but you had more people involved and it sounds as if you did more things.
It is only myself and the secretary, and their children are going to be in the same very small school together, and the same community group for life, so she is very reticent to be any part of the enemy making, so that just leave me really.
It is hard enough getting our group organised to do a simple wellie waddle, during toddler time. I organised a quiz once (my FIL came 200miles to be quiz master) and only myself and the secretary turned up, oh and one of the grannies.
So I am not sure that the new blood line will cut it.
I took it on because I couldn't believe that no one else would and stayed on, again, because no one else wanted to take over.
I thought I could implement big changes but I couldn't get them motivated to do a thing, other than the waddle
But it earns enough to cover christmas and then a bit, weekly subs pay for upkeep.

It is all very frustrating.
But then the group wants for very little, the toys we have a all in great condition, we have adequate and lovely little tables and chairs, the hall is lovely.

Sorry if I am being annoyingly negative and weak.