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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send DS1 to nursery on DS2s 1st birthday??

22 replies

JoandMax · 01/03/2011 16:56

This is my first AIBU, be gentle!

Please settle an argument between me and DH - he thinks I am being unreasonable....

DS2 is 1 in a few weeks time, DH can't get day off work, we are having a big party at the weekend with friends and family. DS1, 2.8 years, normally goes to nursery on this day from 9.15am til 12noon which I would like him to still go to and also the next session so finishing at 3pm. I would then have the majority of the day just with DS2.

Some background - DS1 loves nursery and has frequently done 9.15am til 3pm so would be more than happy.
DS2 has lots of health problems, it's been a very hard year with a lot of stress and sadness but he's doing really well and is a lovely incredible little boy.

I feel very emotional about his 1st birthday, it feels like a celebration of not only being 1 but marking the end of this horribly difficult time for us all and an opportunity to move forward if that makes sense?!! I just like the idea of having the time just with him, not doing anything in particular just enjoying being together.

DH thinks I should keep DS1 at home all day and do something special with them both - I would agree if we weren't having the party but much as he's lovely and brilliant with his little brother he's still a 2 year old and tends to demand attention!!

So, let me know who you think is right......

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 01/03/2011 16:58

DH isn't at home so he doesn't get to decide.

worraliberty · 01/03/2011 16:58

Send him to nursery!

Kids have to learn that birthdays aren't the be all and end all some parents make them. None of mine have even been allowed a day off school for their own birthdays so I wouldn't keep them off for a sibling and especially not a 1st birthday.

moonstorm · 01/03/2011 17:00

I would send him to nursery and then have a nice birthday tea later for him. Do something special with them both at the weekend when dh is there Grin. Ds1 doesn't need to feel he is missing anything in the day if you do things at other times.

nailak · 01/03/2011 17:01

yanbu

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 01/03/2011 17:03

If you're having a party at the weekend, then I don't see the issue with DS1 going to nursery as per normal. Adding the extra afternoon session seems odd IMO but if you've got something special planned which DS1 can't take part in,or wouldn't enjoy (?) then that would make sense to me...

Original poster
JoandMax · 01/03/2011 17:25

Thanks so far!

ThreeBubbas - I was going to do the afternoon too so I get a decent chunk of time with DS2, he normally naps 9.30am til 11ish so on a normal morning there's not much time left. This is all for my benefit though, I think I just want some one on one time with DS2 to kind of accept what's happened, I'm probably not explaining myself too well... The birthday has made me reflect on lots of things to do with DS2 and my feelings towards him and I think for me it's important to be with him as he turns one to almost start again.

OP posts:
AppleyEverAfter · 01/03/2011 17:34

Send him to nursery! If DH isn't off then he won't have to run around after 2 hyper DCs will he? In future, they will have to go to school on their birthdays so start as you mean to go on, I say!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 01/03/2011 17:54

YANBU - Send DS1 to nursery, it's fun not punishment! Then have a lovely day spoiling DS1.

nannyl · 01/03/2011 18:05

YANBU send eldest to nursary!

NiceShoes · 01/03/2011 18:19

Only you know the demands you're under!If DS1 like nursery then send him in, and spoil them both at the weekend party. If having two at home is too demanding then send DS1 to nursery. By sounds of it you have had a lot on your plate as it is.

thebountymuncher · 01/03/2011 18:25

Send him to nursery, as NotAnother said, it's fun not punishment.

I sent DS (4) in to nursery on his own birthday.

Hope you all have a lovely day Smile

megapixels · 01/03/2011 18:29

Why should your dh tell you to do something special with them both? Surely it's you who should decide how you're going to spend the day. Since the party's not even going to be on that day I don't see why you can't send DS1 to nursery as usual.

eileenslightlytotheleft · 01/03/2011 18:30

I think it is lovely that you want to celebrate DS2's first birthday with him alone. Having two young kids is hard work - so it is a good idea to send DS1 to the nursery that he loves. I would do a special birthday tea that DS1 can share though. Amazed DH is telling you what should happen when he isn't taking the day off work.

Maryz · 01/03/2011 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aPixieMomma · 01/03/2011 18:55

Well if it's his normal nursery day then why not?

I do however see your dh's side of it because I actually wouldn't send ds1 to nursery on ds2's first birthday. It is a special time and I want ds2 to have his brother there at this special time. Why wouldn't you?

Alikersh · 01/03/2011 19:23

YANBU, if he enjoys nursery so much why deny him the pleasure of going? You get time with DS2, DS1 gets his usual playtime with friends (and maybe ask his nursery teacher if he can make a card for his brother?) and you get the time alone with DS2 that you need.
It wouldn't even cross my mind to keep either of mine at home for any reason other than illness or an emergency tbh.

missmapp · 01/03/2011 19:27

YANBU send ds1 to nursery, have your special time with DS1, with the best will in the world the older child does take up more time, so it is lovely to have some 1:1 time with your birhtday boy. You are having a special family celebration, you can have a birthday tea with the family on the day itself, so send him to nuresry.

I always send ds' to school /nursery on birthdays and we celebrate when we are together

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 01/03/2011 19:35

That makes sense then JoAndMax due to DS2's nap time and whatever issues you need to resolve - it sounds like a good plan. Go for it! :)

Original poster
JoandMax · 01/03/2011 19:39

Thanks everyone, feel like it wasn't a crazy suggestion!

aPixieMomma - I do want DS1 there to celebrate too and we will have a special birthday tea (which will just be for him really as DS2 is completely tube fed!) and I think in normal circumstances I would have him at home all day but this feels like such a momentous thing to me I want time with DS2 to tell him things and how I feel about him and just concentrate on him.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 19:48

Do as you want! It's only nursery..not like he's in the middle of GCSE's!

EllieG · 01/03/2011 19:50

I think it sounds like a lovely idea, is good for children to have some 1:1 time with parents, I do special things with my children separately, and they both like it (obviously not if the other one has nothing to do - but your DS1 likes nursery, so that's no prob).

sweetiesue · 02/03/2011 16:27

As the majority have said, put DS1 to nursery as planned and have some quality time with DS2. Only suggestions I would have are

  1. maybe involve DS1 in choosing some bits and pieces for the birthday tea - maybe a special cake, pudding or favourite food to include in the meal (you mentioned DS2 is tube fed so wouldn't be eating tea)
  2. birthday decorations (even if it just some tinsel or paper chains left over from xmas)
HAve a wonderful day (whatever you decide)
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