To point out that her dd dad has actually done nothing wrong and find her a bit insensitive?

[bristolcities]

An old friend of mine has a 10 month old daughter.

She decided when she was 3 months pregnant that she didn't fancy the dad so split.

It seems that she is so repulsed by this man, on a purely physical basis that she wont allow her daughter to see him.

On finding out she was pregnant dd's dad gave up his job to move to be with my friend, he supports her financially and sticks to his 6 weekly visit (she only allows this).

He has been described as a sperm donor and told it would be best if he just disappears and described as a psychopath????

This is even harder for me to hear because i suffered years of actual mental and physical abuse. Yet would still love it if my son could maintain a relationship with his dad.

Sorry rant over. I sent her a text basically telling her i don't understand her actions and that maybe she was being slightly insensitive . I'm actually furious at the lack of sensitivity toward me and the poor dad. I know a text is a crap way of communicating but after the abuse iv suffered its the only way i felt comfortable doing it.

AIBU in thinking her problems are trivial because mine seem so much worse and AIBU to assume she might be slightly more sensitive given the situation i have been in?

YABU to make it all about you- how self involved can you get?

However, on face value your friend (assuming you still are friends) is being hugely unreasonable treating this man and their child this way. It will most likely come back to bit her on the arse one day. Just may take some time.

If he doesn't wash/take care of himself then her behaviour is not that unreasonable. She might think that someone with no concept of hygiene is not going to do a great job of taking care of a little baby.

"why is it assumed i must be sensitive to her problems but she not to mine?"

Who said that? I have no idea what type of a friend this person is to you, but I do know that my friends and I rant to eachother about stuff- exes, work, kids etc and it doesn't always enter your mind that the person yo're ranting to has worse issues than your own and may be offended.

Maybe when your friend is telling you this stuff she doesn't realise you're put out as to her mind, your problems are different and seperate to hers? And that's because they are.

Well the text i sent her actually said 'i want to be there for you but don't understand what your dd's dad has done so wrong maybe im missing something and we could meet up and you could tell me? The dd has done nothing wrong i have listened over and over again and read the correspondence and even just hearing her side i still cant see a single thing he should have done differently. I am sad for him and for the dd iv said that. I also do think like iv said before that genuinely calling some one a sociopath (and it wasn't a joke or flippant) with nothing to back it up is undermining people who have real problems with nasty bastards.

I cant bear to listen to her and how she denies her dd a father when so many people would love there children to have a relationship with there fathers (yes i am one of them).

So what i should sit back and let this man take a battering form her and her mother and be around some one who will ruin a very important relationship?

She managed to become pregnant with this man his hygiene cant have been that bad. And i really don't think that him not showing enough is reason to deny him his daughter.

She sounds like a nasty, selfish waster.

But thats only based on her attitude to her ex. Whether or not she is sensitive to your past issues is neither here nor there, imo.