To think that both children should have been spoken to?

[littlebylittle]

To be brief but give all essential info, two two year olds playing. One, mine, had nasty behaviour towards him, verbal and bit goading. Mine hit other child. I took mine out of play, held him til calm (not a cuddle- didn't want to be there), got him to aplologise. No response to 'nasty' but non physical behaviour. Def think I was right to take action over hitting-no question. But Aibu to think a word needed for behaviour that provoked?

What was the nasty behaviour towards him?

Depends what the verbal was really

The sort of 'na na na na na you can't have my toy' variety, waving toy under nose when he was wanting toy but waiting to play with it. The other boy had been told ds was to have toy when he'd finished, then wasn't playing with it. Cross with myself for not distracting ds quicker, but happened pretty fast at a busy toddler group.

I suppose you're right but it's not really the sort of thing I'd give much thought to after five minutes, not at that age really.

Do you mean the parents of the other child did not tell him off? if so then no YANBU. I would be annoyed too. However there are a lot of parents around like that, basically known as "shit" parents and you learn to ignore then eventually.

You're right, worra, trivial really, just in the process of sorting out how to deal with discipline and things and it strikes me from seeing this and other similar incidents that there's a danger that toddlers get the idea that physical hurt is really, really bad, but you can get away with loads of other stuff. I want to strike the right balance between understanding his feelings and limitations as a two year old still with reasonably limited language and being the sort of parent who thinks they're being empathetic but actually understands it so much that they don't guide little ones towards learning how to behave.

Yes, no words spoken to other child, his apology accepted graciously but in a way that made it seem like a one sided wrong. They're not rubbish, they have a normal toddler like mine, just whose sometimes unacceptable behaviour (they are two) takes a different form. Would just have liked both to have been reprimanded in some way, even if hitting 'ranks' higher.

You are right the parents should have definitely told him off for teasing.

no yanbu they should have told him about that behaviour, but in your situation i would probably just acknowledge it to your son that the other boys behaviour was not right, but remind him that if someone is behaving badly to him dont react by hitting.
but i know what you mean, it pisses me off this kind of thing too, like sometimes if 2 of them are both in the wrong but you are the only one to tell your child off then you feel like they get more a reputation as a naughty one while the other one's bad behaviour gets ignored.

I was quite pleased with how I responded tbh. Seethed a bit internally but still told ds off. Did say I know you were cross but.... Kind of needed him to know that I knew he'd been provoked but still expected him to learn better ways to deal with it. Sure he understood it all.....!!

Fair point, cat, i am saying what happened I guess, rather than what the intention/motive was. By the same token, I think ds is also Pre reason on his hitting. And don't think ds really understands apologising. Is it wrong to challenge behaviour that children don't yet understand? or to encourage 'good' behaviour that they similarly don't understand? Interested.

I disagree totally.

Some 2yr olds are far more advanced than others and can learn goading/teasing from older siblings. Anyway, '2yrs old' could mean 2yrs and 7 or more months. I'm assuming the OP didnt know the exact age.

agree, massive difference between 2.1 and 2.11.

We need to know the age in months, OP!

My ds is 2.3. Don't know exact age of the other boy-he was very articulate, but also very short! I think on the younger end. I don't think I would have expected him to know it was wrong, nor to behave differently. I know there are differences of opinion on this, but I think they should be being told, however gently, that this isn't what's expected. But neither do I think a child that age, or any age for that matter is horrible for behaving like it. They are all learning.

They probably didn't know what they were doing, hence why you did the right thing in saying to ds that it was wrong!
Soon you'll find it easier to also say something like, "That wasn't nice that he was teasing you with his toy, but you don't ever hit people." I.e you're kind of giving both of them a row at the same time but not in a way that annoys the other mum, iykwim

I think you did the right thing for sure and I agree that it would have been better if the other parent had said something to their offspring as well.

Taunting is an unpleasant trait at any age, whether deliberate or not, and should be discouraged.

"However there are a lot of parents around like that, basically known as "shit" parents and you learn to ignore then eventually."

not much you can do really if someone else doesn't want to discipline their child except keep distracting yours if they are being goaded. and of course keep congratulating yourself fro your marvellous disciplining skills.

Even if it is too young for the other child to realise that goading or teasing is not nice, surely the other parent should say something?

Else, how is he to learn that it is not acceptable?

You're right FMCS, but I would need to be careful to say the bit about the other child out of earshot of the other child. Otherwise I could fairly be accused of slightly passive aggressive behaviour (displays new found knowledge about pa!!). It is really hard to let your child know you thoroughly disapprove of their behaviour, but understand the reason they did it and that they were unfairly treated-whilst the other parent us around anyway!! I want my children to know I listen to them even when they aren't doing the right thing and I'm not tolerating that behaviour. Off to toddlers now-wish me luck and the chance to drink a cup of coffee!