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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in DREADING potty training?

27 replies

whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 28/02/2011 16:08

My DD2 is almost 3 and still in nappies; she is quite smart and understands going to loo etc, follws all of us when we go and washes her hands with us. She shows no actual interest in going herself though. She has a potty and one of those toilet seats, both of which she will happily sit on but in oh, 8/9mths she has NEVER once done anything in either; she hasn't exactly wee'd all over the floor either, which makes our HV think she has the bladder control to learn.

If she does have an accident (only ever beed wee never poo) its a teeny dribble and she goes absolutely bonkers until she is cleaned up.
This has happened every time we have tried; she used to get inconsolable when she had an accident but now she just walks off! She won't keen pants on either, just takes them off and runs around with them Blush.
She is at nursery 4.5hrs a day Tues-Thurs whilst I am at work and spends Monday with her daddy while I work and a Friday we do toddlers etc. I am more than willing to stop everything and stay in house as much as possible to really crack on with it; and have taken 2nd week in April off work in a hope to do it then....

Give me tips; help and tell me honestly - AIBU?

OP posts:
MissJanuary · 28/02/2011 16:14

Yep spend that week in April and go 100% cold turkey. Build her up a couple of weeks before hand by letting her wear pull-ups but taking her to the loo every so often to sit and try.

And then make a date - and no more nappies, take her to the loo every 15mins until you see what her patterns are.

She may have a lot of accidents the first couple of days, bear with it, by day 5 she will be much better.

You can do this. Be brave. Good Luck.

And yes I am speaking from experience with a 2.5 year old who has now been nappy free since Sept.

Original poster
whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 28/02/2011 16:25
Smile

Thanks; o am just a bit...i dunno...annoyed? at various extended family members commenting on how she should be trained by now. I mean, right enough her sister was dry day and night by 2.5 but she's a different child. She speaks more than her sister did at that age, they're different.

Will hold off then and go for it in April! Eeeck

OP posts:
WoodysHat · 28/02/2011 16:28

My DD has just turned 3 and despite knowing exactly when she has done a wee or poo, she has always been dead against the idea of toilet training.

So, last monday we went cold turkey. Bought a seat for the toilet and a little step and the promise of a toy she really wanted at the end of the week.

As soon as I took her nappy off that first mowing she wee'd all over herself, the floor and me. We then went through every single pair of knickers/pants that she owns but by the end if the day she would actually go on the toilet when prompted. Next day was much better and by the following day we even left the house for an hour.

We stayed in for 7 days straight which was agony for me but she has cracked it. No accidents since last Wednesday, she takes herself to toilet, wipes, washes hands etc and this morning asked fir her nappy to be taken off when she woke up because she needed a wee!

I think once they're 3 then you just have to hit it and nor give in. My DD begged and pleaded with me to put her nappy on the first day and it broke my heart but what a difference a week makes!

Oh and chocolate buttons after every successful go on the toilet was probably the dealbreaker - and this is a child who is no stranger to chocolate so I didn't think it would actually have much sway but it worked!

Good luck, just go for it!

SmethwickBelle · 28/02/2011 16:28

We did it at a similar age over Easter - you do have to sort of go for it and expect to be indoors or only chance short trips.

  1. Buy new pants - hooray! Aren't they lovely!!
  2. Stuck her on the loo every 30 mins or whatever
  3. When she does a wee by chance make the most enormous fuss and bribe/sticker chart like mad.
  4. Get her on the loo as often as possible
  5. Hope she gets the message
  6. If she wees her pants don't whip them off immediately, the idea being she gets the message wet pants aren't very nice, its much nicer to wee in the potty. She can help pop them in the washing machine.
  7. If you continue to use nappies at nights switch to pull ups and call them "night pants" so "nappies" are a thing of the past.

We got through bags and bags of chocolate coins as bribery but it worked much more quickly than we thought it would, no more than a fortnight before we were out and about as before.

EleanorJosie · 28/02/2011 16:35

I have just booked a couple of days off work - so I get five days in a row with my daughter to crack the potty thing. I tend to think if she isn't happily pooing/weeing on the potty and mostly not having accidents after five days then I'll leave it another few months. That's what I did with my eldest - one day one she had lots of accidents, day two was going in the potty but had one accident, day three no accidents - and didn't look back - but she was another year before she was dry at night (largely I think as I found it convenient to just stick pull ups on at night). I seem to remember lots of stickers and outlandish bribery were involved- SmethwickBelle's advice is very good.

Original poster
whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 28/02/2011 16:36

whispers so you bribe your kids with chocolate too?!?!? :o

We have pants ITNG obviously she won't wearn them. We have bought the huggies nighttime things for bedtime, but just hoping for daytime dryness before she starts her funded sessions at nursery in August as they're really not keen on nappies there.

Thanks for the tips

OP posts:
thingumybob · 28/02/2011 16:41

jelly babies was the key with DD, and smarties with DS. Worked really well too Grin. For some reason DS was much easier than DD even though he was younger when we did it. I suspect it was because I didn't try and withdraw the rewards too quickly. I learnt that with DD. In then end what worked was not to offer and not to refuse. In the end they forget to ask.

petisa · 28/02/2011 16:43

YANBU dd will be 3 at the end of April and we just had a failed attempt over the weekend. On day two she was still weeing loads over the floor and only once on the loo by chance so I decided to get the nappies out for another couple of months! I was v enthusiastic the whole time and so was she mostly poor thing but we were both knackered and I secretly HATED it! Have everything crossed it will be easier next time.

Original poster
whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 28/02/2011 16:44

I hate it too

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 28/02/2011 16:57

Why are you so keen to try and get her out of nappies? If it's because of thoughtless comments from your family then ignore, ignore, ignore.

It sounds to me like she just isn't ready. Going against the thread, but I'd leave off even trying for at least three months to take the emotional heat out of the situation. Apart from anything else, it's so much easier when you're out in the garden in the Summer!

DS1 is 3.3 and showed no interest whatsoever in potty training. And then one day he happened to be at his friend's house, saw his friend using a special loo seat, and decided he wanted a go. And he's been dry ever since. He had one accident on day 3, at nursery after lunch one day when all three toilets were being used and he couldn't wait, but I don't really count that under the circumstances!

It helps that neither sets of grandparents ever made any comments about DS1 being late to potty train.

Rubyted · 28/02/2011 16:58

My ds was three in January.

Everyone was pressuring me to train him before this, but I steadfastly refused as I knew it'd be a hard slog, and not at all fun.

I started potty training a few weeks ago and he has had very few accidents. (and none in the past week.) he even takes uimself off if he needs to go.

Don't do it until you think she's comfortable. I have honestly had an incredibly enjoyable time potty training....where I had been terrified about doing it before. Nursery have told me how impressed they are about how well he's done. (two accidents at nursery since training)

Do it when you're ready. You know the saying....train them at 2 and they'll be trained by 3. Train them at 3 and they'll be trained by 3.

I'd suggest waiting!

plupedantic · 28/02/2011 18:58

I didn't potty train DS until our relationship was on a solid footing (he had been ill, and nursing him through it restored his softer feelings for me). He is just over a month off 3, but so what? He has good bladder control, and is relishing "doing it".

OP have you moved house recently, or done any of the disruptive things (having another child, changing routine) which mean potty training is a no-no? Sorry if this is patronising, but I ask because I have spoken to two people recently who have not known about the "life event" disruption businesss.

Fiddledee · 28/02/2011 19:08

My top tip - I got a goldilocks set from ELC (don't know if they still do them) and wrapped up each individual item in pretty wrapping paper in put them in a bowl in the bathroom. Each time we had a success then she got on of the pieces. It really motivated her.

I wouldn't use the time off work to do it, get nursery ropped in they can take the pressure off you. If it doesn't work in one week leave it a couple of months. Nothing worse that spending months cleaning up mess and taking spare clothes everywhere.

Good luck I'm dreading it the second time too. I will definitely do it over the summer when DS has turned 3.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 28/02/2011 20:58

you never know it might be a piece of piss Grin

We went cold turkey & I completely advocate the short term use of chocolate bribery = fantastic results. (Herseys chocolate kisses in our case)

starkadder · 28/02/2011 20:59

We potty trained our DS at 2.5 as he seemed ready- but my mother was really the other way from your relatives and rather disapproving - she thought we should have waited till he was 3. Like anything else in parenting, I really think there is no correct time, so don't let your relatives make you feel bad. And good luck in April, I expect it will be fine, and if not, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you had to wait a bit longer :)

Dancergirl · 28/02/2011 21:06

I don't believe in 'training' as such - it happens when it happens and every child is different. My oldest and youngest dds were both nearly 3 when they cracked it - but I didn't do any of this cold turkey thing, it just happened naturally. My middle dd was dry by 22 months - and dry at night soon after - again she just did it herself.

Personally I think to lose a week's holiday to do it is a bit mad, and she's probably also picking up on your anxiety.

I don't like rewards either - do you give rewards to your child for learning to walk or talk?

kitkat1000 · 28/02/2011 21:10

both my girls were dry at 2yrs but i never had to train them as such and i think thats the point - if they are ready then they will do it - both mine were done in a week as they wanted to and understood, whereas my niece was "trained" for weeks and it was awful to watch and gave her such a complex. If she's not interested i would hold back til the summer too like the other writer said. My eldest daughter still wets the bed 3 years later and whilst not that common at age 5, its completely normal even though people say its not - making a bigger deal of it can affect their toilet habits for years.

hurricanewyn · 28/02/2011 21:29

I trained my DS during an April too and used chocolate (from Easter eggs though) Smile It really motivated him although it did lead to him showing me potties with tiny dribbles of wee in them so he could get another piece.
DD didn't need training at all. she really didn't like being in a wet/dirty nappy and wanted it changed immediately which then progressed to her telling me when she needed to go.
TBH, DS is spectacularly lazy and would probably still be in nappies if left to his own devices, rather than have that terrible inconvenience of having to go to the loo Blush

hurricanewyn · 28/02/2011 21:29

DS is 8 btw, not a toddler!

Original poster
whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 28/02/2011 21:30

The weeks holiday thing is just a coinsidence as we can't afford FT childcare for them both for a fortnight (DD1 is 6) during the easter break

Thanks for all the advise/ideas; will leave it a bit and have a go again

OP posts:
vickster11 · 28/02/2011 22:26

On this website they have got bootcamp potty training.

My little boy is 2 years and 4 months so far his doing really well going on the potty for a wee. He doesnt make a mess for his afternoon nap either.

But when he gets really excited he forgets and wee's in his pants. And number twos will stay in till 8pm, not healthy. Tonight he refused to do one.

Im finding some days he does well and others awful. Ive had two terrible tanturm days were I have had to make him sit on the potty. Im finding it really stressful and no doubt will end up with more grey hair.

The advice is once you start dont give up. Mind you this is my second attempt.

simpson · 28/02/2011 22:29

I followed the potty training boot camp too Smile

DD has just turned 3 and I gave it a go last week (half term)

The first 3 days were awful Sad but just before she went to bed on day 3 she said she neded a wee and sat on her potty and went Grin

I felt like I had won the lottery Blush Grin

We have had no accidents since although she is back at nursery tomorrow so she may get distracted and forget...

ilythia · 28/02/2011 22:35

DD2 was 3.3 when she finally trained. Nursery were trying to convince her to sit on the loo there and she was having none, they were lost.
Took her home over christmas went shopping and bought fairy and peppa knickers that she chose and 'paid' for and asked her every morning if she wanted to wear them, but only if she can keep them dry. After about 5 days she decided knickers and bar 1 accident that day and another the next when she was engrossed in the computer she has been fine since then, night as well.
We also used chocolate buttons for wees and biscuits for poos. BIG incentive for no accidents thenGrin

Trinaluce · 28/02/2011 22:45

I agree, let her choose her knickers: if she's mad keen on Peppa Pig, get those or whoever. With my DD it was Timmy Time! I would also suggest that she may just not be ready. We had the potties and training seat handy so she was just used to them being around but she'd showed NO interest. Then one Sunday in October she just declared the nappy had to come off, sat on the potty and did her business. She spent the rest of that day with nothing on her bottom half taking herself to the potty whenever she wanted. We have had good days and bad days since (days when she's stood RIGHT NEXT to the damn thing and still peed all over the floor) but on the whole it's been fine and she definitely dictated the timescale.

My little sister wasn't potty trained until she was nearly four as she just didn't get what was required of her. She didn't really speak until she was approaching 5 (!) so couldn't explain or be explained to.