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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Separated - mothers day with me or football with dad?

38 replies

lilacisinlove · 28/02/2011 15:42

It's my turn to have the DDs on mothers day weekend. Dad texted them and asked if they wanted to go to a match at Wembley as his team are playing. They both said yes. I was a bit miffed as it's my Sunday with them, and eldest DD is at boarding school so only home from noon Saturday to 6pm Sunday. So I thought I'd maybe swap and take them off his hands the previous Sunday and we'll go out for my birthday, which is a few days later.

I hadn't realised the match clashed with mothers day. He probably didn't either. I emailed him and said I would prefer that the girls spend the afternoon with me as it's mothers day. He said they want to go to the match and he has already bought the tickets.

I don't want to make the kids choose. WWYD?

OP posts:
bettybosseye · 28/02/2011 18:48

Sorry OP but i don't think you can stop them going to the match. He should have run it past you first though.

ilovesooty · 28/02/2011 19:09

"YABU. It's not often Carlisle or Brentford get to Wembley. Mothers Day happens every year."

I think I'd agree with that.

Original poster
lilacisinlove · 28/02/2011 19:23

I never said I would stop them going to the match, it was more of a WWYD. As soon as he said he already had the tickets I knew what the outcome would be. I haven't discussed it with DD1 at all but DD2 is a bit sad about it as Mothers Day is important to her.

OP posts:
privategodfrey · 28/02/2011 20:05

Are they still staying overnight with you on the Saturday? If so then at least you'll get to see them in the morning.

Are you seriously wondering what to do with an aftgernoon off?!

I assume you work during the week as DCs are in boarding school so put your feet up, enjoy a glass of wine and relax.

:)

theredhen · 28/02/2011 21:35

I think it would be unreasonable to stop them going if it's all booked. Mothers day is really just another day and you can celebrate it anytime, not just on that day.

My ex has had my DS many times on Mothers day, I always got to see him in the evenings though.

DP has had huge rows with ex because she insisted he return the children the night before so they could wake up with her. Never the same reciprocation for Fathers day though!

kaid100 · 28/02/2011 21:39

You say he texted them to ask if they wanted to go, he didn't text you to ask if it was ok when it was your weekend. It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to put your foot down over this, not only because it is Moter's Day but because it is your weekend which makles it your choice.

BringOnTheGoat · 28/02/2011 21:40

I would go and have a spa day - will he treat you on behalf of the kids

Original poster
lilacisinlove · 28/02/2011 22:11

Bringonthegoat, you are so funny...this man forced me and the girls to move out so he could keep the £750k house to himself. He wouldn't give me the shit off his shoe.

OP posts:
BringOnTheGoat · 01/03/2011 13:37

Ah so selfish AND a cunt Grin Hope you can afford to treat yourself then - sounds like you deserve it

wellwisher · 01/03/2011 13:51

If the DCs are old enough to go to boarding school it's fair that they've been allowed to choose, and I hope they aren't feeling guilty now. Being petty about a few hours here and there will hurt them more than it hurts your ex (or you).

Mothering Sunday is mainly a creation of the greetings card industry and it's an arbitrary date so not worth getting upset over IMO Hmm but if it feels special to you, book a lovely pedicure for Mothering Sunday afternoon or spend it with friends - maybe someone who's lost their mum would appreciate your company?

Original poster
lilacisinlove · 01/03/2011 16:24

I'm not upset over it, just annoyed that I wasn't part of the consultation. If the girls had said 'we know it's our day with you but we'd really like to go to the match' there would be no problem with that. They are 11 and 13 and only the eldest is boarding.

We moved out last April so it is the first Mothers Day since the split. I made sure that he got Fathers Day and his birthday last year (I say that because it's always me that sorts the dates out). My birthday is a Tuesday so won't see DD1, and last year it was a Monday and I was away at a conference so I didn't see either of them!

I'll have a Brew and watch a movie or maybe go for a very long walk, since I am supposed to be training for the Moonwalk Hmm.

OP posts:
cobysstepmummy · 01/03/2011 16:37

I think you are being unreasonable, after all until you realised what day it was it didnt bother you that much. I also think that your 13 year old is old enough to plan things with her dad without your permission!! Mothers day is yet another "Hallmark Day" where you over spend on cards and flowers and overpriced sunday lunches for just one day when in reality you can tell your mum you love them at any time.

GloriaSmut · 01/03/2011 16:37

Please don't make your dds feel guilty about missing Mother's Day. Far better to encourage them to treat it as another appalling creation kicked off by all the greeting cards industry and now jumped upon by all other retailers who've worked out that they can make a ludicrous amount of money from a meaningless celebration. Also, while it is entirely your business how you educate your children, presumably you chose to send them to boarding school and thus must have realised that you'd get far less time in their company.

I can quite see how annoying it is when your ex-h calls the tune on things but I honestly believe it is better to pick your battles carefully and this one isn't worth having. After all, when on earth are the two teams in question ever going to get near Wembley again! Wink So send your dds off with your blessing and hopes that they have a really fab day. Then go and treat yourself to something really indulgent!

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