To have practiced my Oscar acceptance speech?

[NettoSuperstar]

Am I?

To be clear, I'm not up for winning one, nor am ever likely to be but I still sometimes practice winning.

Anyone else?

Oh, also, after winning I appear in all the mags as having the best dress/being the most stunning.

I have my speech ready too, I even know which bit to pretend cry at and have practiced the 'I love you all' look.

I know I need to get out more...

Oh, I'm not crying in mine, I'm far too cool and poised for that.

Sometimes I win a Grammy, or a Brit or a soap award Nobel Prize.

This is close to my heart! I do a LOT of community/amateur theatre (tis actually quality stuff) and last year I played Popova in Chekhovs' "The Bear" (a one act). It was entered into the county's festival, which is considered quite a big deal. Tons of fun and we were all more than tiddly by the time the awards ceremony was held at the end of the day. I wasn't really listening to the nominations for "Best Female Actor" and it was only when my director was nudging me saying "GO ON!!" that I realised I'd bloody won. Nowt prepared so just teetered up onto the stage and mumbled a garbled "thanks".

Fast forward to this year, I'm up for the same award for playing Viola in Twelfth Night. So...you know...as you do....I'd prepared a little something.....just in case.....and, yes you guessed it- didn't win. Cue sage nodding, false grin and what I hoped would pass as genuine nodding for the trollop lady that did win.

Oh, in my Brit Award speech I say the "f" word and pretend I am the coolest chick ever and I don't care what people think of me.

I seriously do need to get out more...

I never get out, hence the thread

It goes without saying, that I am the best in my speech, the most talked about for the right reasons for weeks, nay, years after.

Also, again, I must mention the dress, I have the most amazing dress.

I can't believe more people have not practised an Oscar acceptance speech.

I'm not that sad right?

Oh yes, I've done this. It's part of the 'fuck you' fantasy for me, so I get to show people I am more than they thought I'd be.

I'm a bit concerned too that others don't have their speeches ready. Seriously people, we all have a plan in case of a zombie attack but how come there is a worrying lack of speeches being practiced? We need to stop worrying about the smaller things in life like money, politics and education and get to grips with real fake life

Oh yes, I mention DD's Dad in my speech, not outright of course, just a subtle reference that only he would know.
It's a total fuck off to him, and also 'look at me now'.

Though I don't have a Zombie plan, other than 'run upstairs and cry'.
I guess that means if the zombies come I'll die, but if the Oscars come, I'll have the best speech?

I started practising my Oscar speech in primary school

I also used to practise all my resultant interviews with the world's press!

I did seriously think that I would have won at least one Oscar before 30....

I practice my cookery programme every time I cook, so every day.
I am the best cook-better food than Nigella, and thinner, and more down to earth, also, I've already won an Oscar

I like to think I'm great, but really, I think I just have my head in the clouds!