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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

how to deal with other childrens behaviour

16 replies

lostinwaitrose · 27/02/2011 13:34

I Went with my ds1 (aged 6)to a party and saw a couple of his friends fighting .So I told them to calm it down, then one of the boys stated being rude and verbally aggessive ... he's only 6 I felt angry and turned away ..

Then when the children were eating there party food 2 of the children started saying mean thing to ds1 ( I was beginning to see red ) then the rude one told another adult my ds1 kicked him.He didn't... I lost it.. I shouted at both boys .. I felt totally powerless at how to handle other childrens behaviour..

any ideas

OP posts:

ilovemyhens · 27/02/2011 13:37

It's up to the parents to sort them out really. Some parents don't seem to know how to cope with poor behaviour either, so they just turn a blind eye and let others deal with it instead.

Original poster

lostinwaitrose · 27/02/2011 13:43

Their parents weren't there ..though even if the had been nothing would have been said any way..

I want to know whats a reasonable way to handle it ..I want to feel like i'm not letting myself down or my children..

OP posts:

ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 14:57

exactly the same way as I deal with my own a good daily beating incase they do something wrong

TheFallenMadonna · 27/02/2011 15:02

Calmly. 'Losing it', especially in front of others, is going to make you look odd I think, and probably won't have the desired effect on the children.

Original poster

lostinwaitrose · 27/02/2011 15:22

I agree !What do you suggest then.. ? I don't think I handled it well ..thats why I posted..

OP posts:

mistressploppy · 27/02/2011 15:26

I had this problem the other day (DS is only 16mo) when a little girl (about 3yrs) kept pushing him over in the sandpit. The mum did say mildly 'that's not nice dear'

I dealt with it by picking up DS and going somewhere else, then bitching about it later to anyone who'd listen

So, no help I'm afraid, but I understand your frustration

TheFallenMadonna · 27/02/2011 15:29

Well, when they started being rude to me, I would have told them it wasn't a nice way to speak, and then left it (as you did). When they were being rude to your son, I would have said the same, and then tried to distract ether them or him. And I would have said "That's not quite what happened, was it?", when the boy said your son had kicked him. And that's it really. I wouldn't have felt the need to go any further than that with someone else's children in someone else's house tbh. Do they give your DS a hard tme a lot? Is that why you feel the need to react to them?

3littlefrogs · 27/02/2011 15:29

I would speak to them quietly, on their level, and say words to the effect that their behaviour is completely out of order, and if they didn't stop forthwith, I would be calling their parents to come and collect them.

The parent running the party should have contact numbers for parents of all "guests".

madrose · 27/02/2011 15:30

I find keeping comments positive and light hearted, with humour (can be fake) works well and reminding them of appropriate behvaiou. It's hard and in my head i'm swearing and thinking nasty thoughts whilst smiling.

Some children thrive on confrontation, so can shouting can escalate the problem.

Chil1234 · 27/02/2011 15:35

Think 'teacher' rather than 'parent'... i.e. step in and deal with unacceptable behaviour firmly but stop short of making it a personal issue or stooping to their level. BTW... this applies whether parents are present or not. No decent parent should object to another adult stepping in if their child is misbehaving

Original poster

lostinwaitrose · 27/02/2011 15:43

No they don't often give him a hard time ..The trouble is I know all of your advice about keeping on their level and talking to them queitly and calmly .. and in this instance it didn't come out of my mouth....I think I'm just frustrated at seeing other peoples children behave badly with no consequence.. even if their parents are present..

I'm going to store the "calling their parents" in my head ...thanks

OP posts:

thunderbird69 · 27/02/2011 15:55

I agree with madrose, that's the way I tend to deal with occasions like this - turn it round into a joke, then subtlely change the subject and they forget what it was that they were trying to annoy you/another child about.

Or start singing or doing something daft to distract them!

DownyEmerald · 27/02/2011 15:59

I have found it really difficult to do the most basic sorting out of things with other people's children. (not sure about that apostrophe).

Unless - I am in my house, when it's fine, or, I discovered recently, when I'm helping in dd's school when I seem to go into teacher mode .

DD's party soon. Think I shall try to be teacher!

mitochondria · 27/02/2011 16:15

I give them "the look".

I'm a teacher, which helps. If not, just pretend.

eileenslightlytotheleft · 27/02/2011 16:23

I think when you get to the point of shouting at other people's children, you are generally feeling stressed about other things in your life. One of my friends shouted at my children the other day - after they had some sort of argument with her DD. It was really OTT - and the main reason for it was that she has recently separated and isn't really coping. Nothing to do with my DCs really.

So I'd think about what else is going on for you - because it doesn't help your DC to have you shouting at his friends. I'm not really criticising here - I yelled at a couple of kids throwing sand when DC2 was small. But the force of my reprimand was inappropriate - and I think yours was too.

slipperandpjsmum · 27/02/2011 18:16

I agree with eileenslightlytotheleft its ok when they are this little but in a couple of years your ds will not thank you for this!

No ones children are perfect and they all behaves in ways we would rather they didn't from time to time. If your ds was over excited at a party and not behaving in an appropriate manner would you like a stranger to shout at him??

I have 4 children and we have alot of guests round. If their behaviour becomes a problem I never, ever shout at other people's children (eldest 15 now) but address them in a clear and calm way.

Children aren't born with manners, they learn them. We need to set a good example and I don't really thin shouting at a couple of little children is the best example to set. If you struggle to regulate your emotions where your ds is concerned point it out to the party persons parent and let them deal with it. If not your ds may find his invitations drying up once word gets around about his Mum!!!

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