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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Large Families

28 replies

Coralanne · 27/02/2011 09:16

AIBU to think that parents of large families deserve a medal.

DD and her DH had No. 5 ,6 days ago.

I had the day off work as DD was induced. I had the other 4 DGD. I went to work the next day but have had all 4 ever since due to complications with newborn who ended up in special care nursery.

Eldest just turned 8 and the youngest 20 months.

It was like a conveyor belt. Everyone up. Four lots of breakfast then four lots of teeth brushing and flossing.

Lots of washing and cleaning. Washing kitchen floor all the time as it was continuously sticky.

Lots of noise.

These children are incredibly well behaved and intelligent so I really feel sorry for anyone who has SN children.

I now know why lots of young mums have long hair tied back in a ponytail. that's how mine has been for the last week Grin

Yes, I know they choose to have so many children , but they are the future of our country and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hang on! Have I had a shower this week?

OP posts:
Liz79 · 27/02/2011 09:29

What a lovely post, you are obviously very proud of your dd & her family. Congratulations on the new baby :)

Xenia · 27/02/2011 09:44

Yes, I have 5 and the last were twins and particularlyw ith the twins it becomes like a little army. I always breast fed them both at the same time as it's more efficient. When they are older as mine now are they are so supportive of and helpful to each other and if some of them are similar ages they have so much to help each other with as they are at the same life stage.

I hope the new baby in special care is going to be fine.

PickleSarnie · 27/02/2011 09:45

YABU to say that parents of large families deserve a medal. Anyone can pop out lots of sprogs.

YANBU to be proud of the good job your DD is doing at bringing them up.

hairylights · 27/02/2011 09:47

Yabu. It's their choice.

5GoMadOnAZ650 · 27/02/2011 09:55

Congratulations on your new GC :)

stoppinchingthedummy · 27/02/2011 09:57

Yanbu to be proud of your dgc its lovely that you can have them for this amount of time :) however im not so sure about deserving a medal- hairylights is right it is their choice and parents of children with sn dont need pity they need medals imo :)

Phlebas · 27/02/2011 10:02

I'm soon to have my 4th, I home educate my children, it is incredibly busy & often exhausting. My children are also intelligent & (reasonably Wink ) well behaved.

My middle son has special needs. I'd rather not be pitied thank you very much.

Original poster
Coralanne · 27/02/2011 10:07

Xenia you're right. They are all incredibly supportive of each other.

This new baby is a DGS. His 5 year old brother is thrilled that he now has a brother.

I was getting a little bit worried . Mr. 5 has to have his nails painted when the girls have theirs done.

He also has a soft pink doll that he calls "baby". Baby sits on his bed during the day and sleeps with him at night.

Hairy. You're also right. I did say that it was their choice. But it is just an incredible joy to see all these little ones and know that they are related to me.

I watch them when they have their swimming lessons and they look like four little duckings bobbing about with their goggles and hats on.

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 27/02/2011 10:07

I really admire those who bring up lots of children NICELY - as a PP said theoretically anyone can pop out lots of babies, but there are some who have loads and DON'T take care of them properly, and they sure don't deserve a medal!

But heck, I struggle with my 2 (we've just decided to definitely not have a third because we wouldn't cope) so I heartily admire and envy those who manage large families.

Congratulations on your newest grandchild and I hope they get well soon.

Original poster
Coralanne · 27/02/2011 10:23

Yes it was a bad choice of words. I think I meant that I empathise with parents who have special needs children. I don't know how I would have coped if one of the DGD needed extra care and attention.

OP posts:
breathing · 27/02/2011 10:24

My mother had seven. She sisnt deserve a medal.

maybe a cuppa and a lie down though.....

KaraStarbuckThrace · 27/02/2011 10:33

Our window cleaner has 6 kids, the eldest is now expecting their first grandchild with his dp, she is due around the same time as me, so me and WC's son (they work together) have been comparing notes and he has been asking me loads of advice (expecting DC2).
WC youngest I think is about the same age as my DS(3).

I am awe of them :) They make me look so disorganised!!!

Checkmate · 27/02/2011 10:44

YABU for washing the kitchen floor so many times a day - mothers of big families just live with a sticky floor and only wash it once a week.

ScramVonChubby · 27/02/2011 10:58

I have four, 2 have diagnosed SN, 1 seems to be goingt hat way and the other has SEN (so need to fight for DLA and statements phew but lots of IEP meetings and similar).

I don't deserve a medal; the large family is what we always wanted, same as someone else might want a sports car or trips to Hawaii. WRT to the SN it's tough but as long as we can access the state support (mainly financial) then we're OK on that too.

I don't wash the floor once a week LOL, boys drop most of their dinners as it is..... sweep up after emals, wash every day is enough. otherwise it's about routine really. And maybe doing things a bit differently- we happen to like things we can do together: carnival (not ds3 due to his Sn but maybe one day), camping etc- that helps.

But as people ahve said anyone can pop out laods: Nan had 16, from what I can see she then took to her bed and let the odler girls raise them. I don;t know whose story is right- that she just agve up or was ill- I do know Grandad was an alcoholic and it was incredibly unfair on my Aunts, if she was ill Grandad should ahve sorted himself out or vice versa.

And good wishes to the baby in SCBU: DS4 spent one day in there, I am in awe of thsoe that work there and the aprents who cope with it so well. If good news stories help, d-nephew was in for a few months; premmie due to eclampsia, coudln't feed etc, and dspite being tiny now is doing far better developmentally than my own same age ds3.

receiverofopiniongiver · 27/02/2011 11:04

breathing I think your mother being offered the chance of a liedown got her into the situation in the first place Grin

eddiemccready · 27/02/2011 12:17

There was a family on an irish chat show on friday night, who were expecting their 11th! The eldest was 12. 8 boys first, then 2 girls. The mum and dad looked so relaxed and happy and so matter of fact about it! I have 4 boys and 1 girl, so that family have double mine. I can't imagine how they do it. We have a family at my school who have 9. The eldest is in a wheelchair. The children are all beautifully mannered. They used to live near me and you would see them out for walks, the older ones helping to push buggies! The mum and dad always managed to go out for a jog as well. Amazing.

slipperandpjsmum · 28/02/2011 14:03

There is a Mum on here who I has 9 I think??

Any advances on 9 on MN???????

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 28/02/2011 14:10

Give me 8 years slipper Wink

lesley33 · 28/02/2011 15:11

I have 4 very close together in age - although all grown up now. I think large families either tend to be very well behaved or totally chaotic. I don't think you can really do the middle ground with lots of kids.

We used to have a routine, got the children involved in helping out when very young and my OH is great.

I really enjoyed having so many kids at home tbh.

gallifrey · 28/02/2011 15:13

A (sort of) friend of mine has 7 children, she is the worst mother in the world!
She ignores them all and eventually the older ones look after the little ones. Her house is a shit hole and all the children wet the bed and have 'problems'
She dumps them on their father constantly so she can go out clubbing and is generally a horrible person.

Although she would be a terrible mother even if she had 1 child!

lesley33 · 28/02/2011 15:21

I always remember watching a programme about a women who 22 children and was expecting her 23rd. The presenter asked her and her DH how they managed to look after so many children. She said that they look after each other!

They also interviewed one of the boys who said he felt sorry for his oldest sister as she had spent a lot of her childhood looking after the younger children.

Its fine to have a big family - I have 4 - but they should not be the responsibility of your older kids.

receiverofopiniongiver · 28/02/2011 20:36

I think it's telling that my mother is the youngest of four and my dad is third oldest of 10, and they chose to have 2 children with a large age gap (effectively making us only children with a sibling - if you understand what I mean).

They both hated being part of 'large' families.

On one side of my family I have 49 first cousins, and on the other 24. I have cousins who are 20 years older than me, and cousins who are 20 years younger than me.

minxofmancunia · 28/02/2011 20:52

YABU, it'a their choice, they don't deserve a medal for it, although it's great they're doing such a good job.

Also what's so wrong with a boy wanting to play with dolls etc? Hmm. Sorry but that's the kind of nonsense my narrow minded MiL comes out with when ds(17m) wants to carry one of dds (4) handbags round.

There's nothing heroic in actively choosing to spawn loads of offspring.

LordofthePies · 28/02/2011 20:57

YABU, its their choice.

And I don't personally see anything heroic in having a large family in this overpopulated day and age.

lockets · 28/02/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.