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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have an all class party

43 replies

mrsscoob · 27/02/2011 08:29

From reading on here I can see a few people are against them. I wouldn't probably go for one usually, but we have not long moved into a new area and we really don't know enough people yet for a decent sized party.

I was thinking of inviting the whole of his class of 30, the place I was going to hire is a set price no matter how many children, so it would just be extra for food.

Thing is i'm not sure now (tbh from reading threads on here!) that it is a good idea. Maybe I should just take him out for the day and have a small family party at home?

OP posts:

MrsPresley · 27/02/2011 08:35

I think it causes problems when there is 1 or 2 children that your son really doesnt like/get on with.

If he's quite happy with all of the class that's fine.

When my daughter started school, the whole class was fine (23) but now that's she's older (9) I tend to maybe just take her and a couple of friends out the cinema or something.

Deaddei · 27/02/2011 08:38

I have never had a class party, just up to 6 children.
I just don't see the point- your child is not best friends with 29 children, it's not a special party if there are 29 other kids there and you don't know the children/parents.
And why would you want your dc to attend 29 other parties over the year?

mrsgetonwithit · 27/02/2011 08:39

MMMM maybe ask your son what he wants?

mrsgetonwithit · 27/02/2011 08:42

Why do you have to know the children or parents?

It is your childs party not yours.

Possibly not best friends with all the kids, but when someone gets married are they best friends with all the guests?

Go with what the child wants. Unless of course it is a cost issue, but then you have got a year to save up.

pigletmania · 27/02/2011 08:48

Why not just have a family day out, or do something special with any friends that he may know. You dont have to have a party, there are no rules about it. Later on when he gets to know children, next year have a party.

52Girls · 27/02/2011 08:49

There's no right or wrong. You do what you feel comfortable with. We did the class thing up to around seven, then it changed to say, six friends, cinema or bowling then eating.

iscream · 27/02/2011 08:50

I'd do what he would like, within reason.
When we moved, ds2 was about to turn 6. We invited several of the children in his class who lived near us, and whom had begun playing with him outside, and 3 friends from where we used to live, and family. He had a great time, and it helped him make friends.

Deaddei · 27/02/2011 08:55

Well a wedding is for most people a once in a lifetime experience ( and I only had 11 people to mine anyway!)
I think it's a bit sad to save up for a year for a 2 hour experience for a child, who would probably be happy with a simple party. And I wouldn't want 29 gifts!
We will agree to differ mrsgetonwithit

mrsgetonwithit · 27/02/2011 09:02

We will indeed.

Hulababy · 27/02/2011 09:04

YANBU, you can decide who you want to invite. MNetters have quite firm opinions on mny things, but we don't have to actually follow suit and all do the same.

DD has whole class parties, although her class is much smaller at 15. But with the class and other additional friends (or before that nursery) the party numbers are normally 25ish. hey have always gone very well and been no problem at all.

This year (April) is her "smallest" party in terms of numbers but we are still inviting the whole class and her best friend (so 16 in total if they all come.)

Hulababy · 27/02/2011 09:07

Deaddei - I know there is only 15 in DD's class but even so. DD IS very good friends with each of tese girls. Their class is very good like that. There isn't silly cliques. They all play and get on together beautifully and have done since reception. DD's best friend is actually from outside of school, but at school she is friends with all her class. As I said, they are really good as a class like that.

gapbear · 27/02/2011 09:17

My DSs have all class parties. They get on with all the children, so why not? The trend at the moment id for swim parties, and I think it's better value to pay £60 for 30 children than pay £60 for 10 children.

Once they're older (currently 6 & 7), then we'll take smaller groups to the cinema, whatever, but until then friendship groups tend to be very fickle.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/02/2011 10:47

As long as you and your child are happy, who cares what anybody else does. It doesnt matter if they are not all best friends, do adults only socialise with best friends?

They are only little once and parties are only for a few years, we let DS choose where he wants to go and who he invites as at the end of the day its his party and birthday.

mysteryfairy · 27/02/2011 11:19

My DD has a January birthday but due to the way her school split reception classes she was the oldest in her class. She started reception knowing no-one and because I had a full time job I wasn't all that familiar with the other children and their parents. I also didn't want anyone to end up with a memory that their child wasn't invited to the very first party of their school career. I had a whole class party which went very well and was also the first step in me building up contact with a few mums.

I haven't felt the need to repeat whole class parties every year and we've had variously sized parties since depending on what DD has wanted to do. However I do think sometimes a whole class party is the right thing to do because of the particular circumstances and it seems like the right thing for the OP to do.

My whole class thing was village hall, extremely cheesy DJ couple who organised lots of games and were happy to lead the children in agadoo actions etc. I catered with crisps, veggie hot dogs in rolls and buns plus bits for adults. We actually had 45-50 ish children as in addition to the whole class we had DD's existing friends. For party bags I had bought a job lot of reduced selection packs. The whole thing probably came in at £200 ish which I have found is what I tend to end up spending on a child's party whatever, have subsequently done a lot of theatre parties for DD due to proximity of her birthday to Christmas shows and things like lazer quest for her brothers. It wasn't a small intimate party but wasn't unenjoyable for that - after all children like discos, school Xmas parties, parties at rainbows etc with similar numbers.

Lovecat · 27/02/2011 11:29

You do what you and your child want to do. There's no rules, although some on here would like to say there are.

Mysteryfairy put it very well - because of the hours I work, I don't often get to meet the other parents and it's nice to get to know them away from the school gates. I've made some good friends that way.

Plus with our extended family, by the time the cousins are invited, there's 20 people already so another 20-odd in a hall makes little difference. DD gets on with everyone but 2 in her class, so why not invite them all if you want to?

(btw, if anyone remembers that thread of mine about DD's party, she decided without any prompting from me to invite both the bullies. One came, and was really well behaved - result!)

gillybean2 · 27/02/2011 11:32

I think whole class parties are fine. Who cares if others don't. And no, you won't get 29 invites to parties. Not everyone can afford to have a whole class party or wants too.

Ds has been to some and has also had whole class parties as well as select few friends and weekends away just us. I ask him what he thinks, put suggestions to him and he chooses what he wants.

I do make it clear on invites now though that gifts should be small. Otherwise you do end up with far too many things! Learnt the hard way the first time and was inundated with things he'd never play with.

Oh and we have had the issue of one child out of the class not being invited as he is a horrible bully isn't very popular. So we just didn't invite him and I didn't feel any guilt at that. It's ds's party it's his choice. Plus he invited friends from other years/classes and cousins and non school friends too. So it was more than just a class party in reality.

elphabadefiesgravity · 27/02/2011 11:36

YANBU as long as you have the space and can afford it although I think you are mad!!!! I would definately be hiring an entertainer or make sure that you have LOTS of helpers.

I used to do children's parties and formore than 20 children we had two trained entertainers plus at least two parents present.

What mine and most mumsnetters objections is to them I think are that we can't afford or to invite that amount of children but sometimes people get uppity about thie children being missed out.

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 11:43

Why not choose a few DCs that he would like to be friends and take them all out for the day? Good for him bonding. Have a whole class party and they will all migrate to their own friends and he could feel left out despite being the birthday DC! Whole class parties are mad IMO, whatever the circumstances. If you want a party why not have 12 total at a sports centre and play 6 aside games-again much better for bonding.

Maryz · 27/02/2011 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 27/02/2011 11:45

'but sometimes people get uppity about thie children being missed out.'

Tough! If people didn't have whjole class parties then there wouldn't be a ridiculous expectation of an invitation. If you have 2 friends you would expect 2 parties.

rookiemater · 27/02/2011 11:52

YANBU. I'm inviting everyone in Ds's nursery class, plus a couple of extra friends from the other class.

We have had a lot of all class invites so I want to return the favour, plus he is in a really nice class and I like the Mums.

DS is an only and this will probably be the only year we are inviting everyone. On top of that for his actual birthday I am having the neighborhood boys and girl that he plays with ( only 4 of them) round for pizza and Despicable me which he will probably enjoy more than the big party.

I'm happy to do it and whilst I know in life you can't include everyone, as we can afford it I don't see that there is any issue.

CameronCook · 27/02/2011 11:59

If you can afford it and its what you want then do it. I like all class parties as it means there are no tears when someone is left out

gillybean2 · 27/02/2011 12:01

Maryz - I assume the horrible bully comment is to me leaving a child out of my ds's party. Well in my case that child is a horrible bully. I would never force my child to invite that child - a child who has physically assaulted him more than once, makes his school life a misery, and is a very nasty bully not only to my child but to many other children in that class. There are at least 2 children in his class, who ds is friends with, who would not be allowed to attend his party if that child was also coming.
I don't actually care any more if he has SN or family problems. I care about my ds being safe and happy at his own party.

Maryz · 27/02/2011 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gillybean2 · 27/02/2011 12:33

Maryz If you are happy to allow your child to be physically asaulted and emotionally bullied by a child who happens to have SN then you go ahead. I am not prepared to put my child in a position where he is forced to invite or spend time with anyone who does that to him. Having to deal with it at school every day is bad enough. And yes it was to the point that I told the school if there was one more incident I would be calling the police.

My happy, care free child who loved going to school has vanished. That is why I do not care about the feelings of this one child or his parents at not being invited to a party. My ds's wellbeing is my concern.

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