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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel angry at my sister in law

16 replies

rumby · 26/02/2011 23:42

My husbands sister has been living in new zealand the past year , I have seen her twice in the past year , and she has hardly ever spent anytime with either my step daughter or baby boy :( .... In fact the last time she was in the uk to visit , she never even came to visit myself or the children and she spent almost a month here ... Then out of the blue last week a package arrives addressed to my husband . It was a police check service application form that she had sent to him with a written note for me to sign and be the professional signature saying I have known here for the past 2 years and I am not related to her , she has lied on the application form saying she is still in London . Am I being unreasonable to feel like she is using me to get her visa application on track ? I feel really miffed that she has asked me to do this for her .. I do not want to sign a form and lie and put my professional status at risk in doing so , but I can just imagine the big problem that this will turn into for me if I refuse to sign it , I am sure she will go ballistic and my husbands family will be furious with me . ??? Any ideas on what I should do ????

OP posts:

Tommy · 26/02/2011 23:45

errrr... you will be breaking the law if you sign it. Your choice but I think at least a phone call to her might be in order to find out what she's playing at

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 23:45

Has she moved permanently to NZ or just taken a gap year there?

skybluepearl · 26/02/2011 23:52

I would email and nicely point out that she has made a small mistake on her application and can she send you a corrected form - you can return the origional form to her if need be. Say you are really happy to sign the corrected form - it's an official document so wouldn't want to lie.

nailak · 26/02/2011 23:57

sometimes i go on holiday to south africa, and everyone of my millions of cousins auntys etc will want me to go to their houses, and sometimes i think, i came all this way, surely they can make the short drive if they wanna c me so bad?

Tortington · 26/02/2011 23:59

i think the fact that you preface the visa query with the fact that she didn't make time to see your children is really the underlying issue.

it is breaking the law, but i wonder would you have signed the form if she had made time to visit?

AimingForSerenity · 27/02/2011 00:05

She is asking you to break the law and lie on an official document when she didn't even have the courtesy to contact you and ask if you would be prepared to vouch for her.

Besides which, even though it is by marriage, you are related to her surely? I would use that as grounds to refuse TBH.

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 00:07

I wouldnt be so hasty to assume it is incorrect. If she is not a resident of NZ, then presumably her home address is in London if she is only there for a visit, even if that is with an intention to stay there permanently.

If you have known her more than two years, and you are not related to her (other than by marriage), then is that really breaking the law?

Original poster

rumby · 27/02/2011 00:19

Thanks for the comments folks . I agree that part of the issue is my resentment of her for not bothering to visit the children at all when she last visited here . Having said that I am going to say politely that she has filled in the form wrongly and when she corrects it I will happily fill it in provided my marital status to her brother does not break any laws . Problem solved :)

OP posts:

nancydrewfoundaclue · 27/02/2011 00:24

Agree with custardo

I have to say in your SIL's defence that living abroad and coming back to the UK is exhausting - everybody wants a piece of you and you spend your whole time making plans, breaking plans, rearranging plans, trying to accomodate everyone without seemingly putting nayone at the top (or bottom) of the pile. It is fraught.

TBH there are people that I really really like who I don't get to see twice a year

helenthemadex · 27/02/2011 00:34

the way she has sent it to your husband with a note for you is rude and that would annoy me, I would not be happy to sign something like that when there is false information on it.

also agree with Nancydrew its knackering and quite stressful trying to see everyone when you are visiting the uk from abroad, inevitably you piss someone off by not seeing them, there is never enough time

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 00:40

Custardo took the words out of my mouth. If she visited your children or showed more interest would you be ok with breaking the law then?

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/02/2011 01:21

I don't think you can sign the form, you are related by marriage.

Birdsgottafly · 27/02/2011 10:55

You are related, by marraige, so all you need to do is decide if you are going to lie. Therefore she does not need to change anything on the form because you would still be commiting fraud.

FreudianSlippery · 27/02/2011 11:00

Do not sign the form, it's lying and illegal! Both due to the location and your relationship to her.

Cheeky moo! Even without the lack of visits.

DurhamDurham · 27/02/2011 11:06

Do you think she asked your dh if you would mind signing it and he's said you would do it? Maybe that's why it was addressed to him.

I know it's fraud but I prob would sign the form for a member of my family, to help them out. Only if I liked them though. Wouldn't lie for just anyone

beijingaling · 27/02/2011 11:13

You are related to her so can't sign the form anyway.

Tbh there is nothing that annoys an expat more than going back to the mother country and friends and family expecting you to travel all over to see them. After a 1000 odd quid flight it's just not financially feasible to see everyone. Could t you have gone to visit her? Unless you're in the same town yabu.

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