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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not go to this wedding?

24 replies

PenguinLady · 26/02/2011 23:35

A distant step-family member of DH's is getting married and we've been invited to the reception.

It's quite a way away (an hours drive) and we don't have a car right now so if we go we're getting a lift with some other family members who live near us. I'm not sure I actually want to go though.

I'm pregnant and still in that sicky phase, my sickness is infinitely worse at night which is when the do is, the thought of being a room with a three course meal being served and all those people eating and smacking their lips and slurping .... turns my stomach, eating noises and food smells. There are no children allowed so I need to get a sitter for DS but the date of the wedding is DHs only Saturday off that month and he was looking forward to spending it with DS and me. The people we're getting a ride with are leaving at around 8/9 o'clock also so it seems like a lot of distance to travel and a lot of organising a babysitter for the sake of an hour, two at most. And SIL is going and sitting at our table, considering we haven't spoken in months and she's made threats against me it doesn't feel like it'll be a nice atmosphere.

DH already tried to send our regrets and had his arm twisted (not literally) into changing his mind via use of guilt trips and suggestions that there was no real reason for us not to go. He's said he might just say he's got to work.

AIBU to just send a card and a gift and give the do a miss?

OP posts:

corns12k · 26/02/2011 23:36

DON'T GO!

eden263 · 26/02/2011 23:36

YANBU, don't go.

issey6cats · 26/02/2011 23:38

YANBU dosent sound like you will enjoy yourself at all maybe on the day when the rellies turn up to give you the lift then say you have a virus and dont want to pass it on

thenightsky · 26/02/2011 23:39

your SiL has made threats against you? what the hell is that all about then?

Just don't go.

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 23:39

Dont go. You have enough reasons not to. Its not as if they are going to have the day ruined if you dont go (meant in the nicest way). And it really doesnt sound like it would be much fun for you at all. I wouldnt go if I was in your position.

Original poster

PenguinLady · 26/02/2011 23:40

I would have to say both of us have the virus lol or they would try take DH and leave me behind - they tried that when I was in labour and DH had a "family duty" to be at SILs wedding (her own fault for booking it on my due date IMO)

OP posts:

Chocolocolate · 26/02/2011 23:41

Can your DH go on his own?

If he's not setting off until 8pm surely he can still spend most of his Saturday off with you and your DS?

Chocolocolate · 26/02/2011 23:42

Just to clarify, I don't think YABU for not wanting to go - just thought that could be a compromise.

MmeLindt · 26/02/2011 23:43

Seems to be more about your relationship with your SIL than anything else.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go if your SIL has made threats against you.

Who is doing the arm twisting?

nailak · 26/02/2011 23:43

yanbu

Original poster

PenguinLady · 26/02/2011 23:49

@ thenightsky my MIL doesn't like me and SIL is a chip off the old block. They have no respect for me whatsoever and if they find opportunity to make a comment or a dig they do. DH has been really supportive, he cut the two of them out of our lives, told them that I'm his wife and he's had enough of how they've been treating me over the years. Until they accept the fact that he loves me and that I'm a nice person who doesn't deserve their unfounded bitchiness then they're not welcome at our house and they're not to contact us. That's what triggered the threats (FB statuses regarding specific details about ruining my face), DH has copies of them and has told them he'll take them to the police if they so much as look at me funny. I let them get on with it and I doubt she would have the stones to actually act on it, especially in public because they're all about maintaining appearances, if they treat me like dirt in private then they can say I started it but in public there are witnesses who can see it was unprovoked. They're cowardly like that.

Other members of the family though think it's just a silly spat and they believe the things MIL and SIL say about me and things I've supposedly said which is why it's always awkward when the issue is brought up in circumstances like this reception.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 27/02/2011 00:21

PenguinLady
I would not be going within a mile of your DH's family. Don't worry about what others think, do what is right for you.

Good for your DH for having the cojones to stand up to his bullying family.

ENormaSnob · 27/02/2011 08:44

I wouldn't go to the wedding.

Nor would I speak to mil and sil again.

iscream · 27/02/2011 08:55

Don't go.

JenniPenni · 27/02/2011 09:26

This will only stress you out and you have to think of yourself and your unborn baby. Don't go. You really don't need those nasty people in your life.

And if you did feel (legitimately!) ill whilst there due to food smells etc., and they saw this, they would have further ammunition against you, being the types they are.

I would stay well away from them.

LessNarkyPuffin · 27/02/2011 09:29

I'd suggest DH send a regrets card with a copy of the Facebook status in.

thumbwitch · 27/02/2011 09:35

I wouldn't go at all. If your DH feels obliged to go, that is for him to decide - I would let him go by himself, I think, but certainly wouldn't be accompanying him.

I would hope that he will also decide it's simply not worth it but he might be under a lot of pressure - so I'd give him the option to go without you if he has to.

Nagoo · 27/02/2011 09:50

Thumbwitch is right. Yanbu not to go, but it's up to your dh to decide if he wants to.

clam · 27/02/2011 09:58

So, you don't want to go to a wedding of distant step-inlaws when you're pregnant, feeling sickly and short on family weekend time, to spend the evening with people who clearly don't like you?
And the dilemma is.........?

Ragwort · 27/02/2011 10:02

Of course you shouldn't accept the invitation - and as clam says, can't even believe you are asking the question.

I keep repeating this on wedding threads - just becuase you are invited to something does not mean you have to accept - most hosts expect a certain number of drop-outs anyway.

BubblegumandIce · 27/02/2011 10:13

Don't go...it will only amke the pregnancy feel worse.

I'm sure your family will understand.

BubblegumandIce · 27/02/2011 10:18

Ok maybe not MIl and SIL... but the actual bride and groom?

CBear6 · 27/02/2011 10:27

YANBU, you have every reason not to want to go and every reason not to feel bad about it

KaraStarbuckThrace · 27/02/2011 10:40

This is a complete no-brainer. Send a card and a small pressie and don't go. If your DH wants to go then let him.
Your ILs sound absolutely awful. Glad your DH has stood up to them!!

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