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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel unwanted by dh?

28 replies

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:25

Every day he gets up laptop on sits and eats breakfast at it, goes to work comes home laptop out headphones on until I go to bed. When we are out together i cone second to the blackberry attached to his war and hand. We have not been intimate since my birthday at start of month. Earlier i suggested a "early night" for us both. He said no he did not want sex he was too tired. I came up to bed at ten popped back down and he is exercising away. I said "oh you are not that tired then"
And I just got tutted at and asked what i wanted.
He seems to have energy for everything but me.
Am i wrong to feel peed off and neglected?

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 22:27

YANBU.

Can the laptop have a mysterious holiday somewhere?

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 22:28

YANBU...how long has it been like this?

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:29

For ages if I'm honest. I'm just so sick and tired of feeling like I don't exist

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kangers · 26/02/2011 22:31

do you have kids or are you as 'broodymomma'? Could it be the SWI thats the problem?

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/02/2011 22:31

whats he doing on the laptop /blackberry I think I'd be getting beyondpissed off and strat getting suspicious.

(oh and I hate the he's up to something posts but I have a RL history with this type of behaviour)

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/02/2011 22:32

sorry for the typos

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 22:35

Yes...what is he doing on it and do you have kids?

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:36

No we do have a child who is 4. Just can't have another. I have no idea what he does on laptop or blackberry I don't know the passwords. In the morning i can see it as he is at dining table and it's just the news etc but rest of time I have no idea. Just feels like I bore the crap out of him, he never talks to me i am so lonely once ds goes to bed. Can't believe I have been knocked back yet again i feel like he finds me repulsive. Have tried to tell him how I feel but nothing ever changes.

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kangers · 26/02/2011 22:40

mmmm- do you know his email address? email him and ask him if he fancies you or laptop more, or take a calmer approach and just highlight your feelings of neglect and loneliness.
YANBU and you are doing what most men would like which is initiate pumpy.
How long together, how often is 'pumpy' normally? Any health issues? Any job/ family issues? Just fishing really.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 22:41

Can you suprise him at work for lunch? And go for a drink or something? Maybe after work?

Tallking outside the home is good...removes habits.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/02/2011 22:45

How much does he interact with your dd?

Have you sat down and told him how lonely your are in the relationship?

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:47

Yeah his job is not in a good situation at the moment an my mumhas cancer so it's been a tough time for us both. However sex life has been dwindling for a long time but I always believed him when he said he was tired. To go down and find him exercising when he was apparently too exhausted to move a half hour before just annoys the hell out of me.

Funnily we went out for lunch last week just the 2 of us and over 2 courses I counted he checked his phone 9 times. Yesterday
Morning he got up and walked past me on the hall without as much as a good morning. Have tried to talk to him but it just does not go in. Can't believe I am jealous of a latop!

OP posts:

mmsmum · 26/02/2011 22:49

I posted on the other thread. 2 came up

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:50

I would say he is a good dad he adores our ds and they have a great relationship. However he comes home from work at 5.30 and the laptop is out and I know I'd headphones are on he is watching top gear or something. We have to ask him to have a family game of something then ever other night he will do bedtime. I do feel he could give ds more 1-1 attention. As he could me

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Newgolddream · 26/02/2011 22:52

Im with doris, we can all become addicted to the internet etc etc but its a question of what hes doing that matters. Not necessarily meaning hes cheating though.

When you were out for lunch did you ask him why he was constantly checking his phone/

ps So sorry about your Mum to.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/02/2011 22:53

I think it's more than being jealous of a laptop, you are quite reasonably upset that you no longer communicate effectively and as a result your sex life is suffering (that may also be as a result of his stress).

Would relate help you both to start talking again and agree some boundaries.

kangers · 26/02/2011 22:54

I reckon a tack may be to ask him what he wants and how he feels. There are other issues here though- a four yr old and no more, job insecurity, big C- plus we are all affected by recession at the mo. Do not neglect yourself or think YABU, but may get better result with male-centred approach.
Hey if you try, and it fails, at least you tried.
Maybe he is protecting you from his worries by blocking you out.
He could even be depressed I suppose.
Just saying - definitely YANBU but there are more than one ways to skin a cat.
I would suggest therapy as well.

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:55

I made a comment such as "god you would be lost without that phone" and I just got a tut. That seems to be the norm. Thanks for your comments re my mum. It makes it worse as he said he would be my rock through this but I feel more alone than ever. The op to remove the cancer is next week and I feel I have nobody to support me

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Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 22:57

I think therapy would do us both good. I have mentioned
It before but he said a absolute no. He is happy it's me that's
Got the problem. That is what he said.

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slipperandpjsmum · 26/02/2011 23:01

Have you spoken to him about how you feel? You could suggest an evening out and suggest he turns his phone off. He sounds like he is going through a difficult time with work and his Mum and people can drift apart at times of stress. Say you are there for him, to support him and ask him how he feels.

kangers · 26/02/2011 23:04

If you get him talking and opening up (ask about his phone features- I dunno) then you may be ablr to get conversation around to your relationship. Tell him therapy for you, but need him there FOR YOU. May work. But need to get lines of communication open in some way. You sound tired and a bit hopeless. You have to accept you have a lot going on too that may be affecting your thinking- with your Mum. You always have mn. And I am sure hospital or macmillan nurses can give you further advice/suport re op. Yr bloke just can't do everything- I know it sounds like I am soft but its years of experience speaking. Keep y chin up.

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 23:04

It's my mum who has cancer not his. Him that's supposed
To be supporting me right now. The job thing has only been since december this has gone on way longer.

OP posts:

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 23:06

I am tired. Thanks for helping me see straight. Am sure things will
Be better in the morning or atleast won't seem as bad

OP posts:

kangers · 26/02/2011 23:08

let us know

Original poster

Broodymomma · 26/02/2011 23:11

I will. Thanks again. Just needed to talk I think x

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