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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a tidy house?

19 replies

Dancergirl · 26/02/2011 22:11

My children are 9.5, 8 and just turned 4. Our house isn't too bad for tidyness but sometimes I find all the clutter and their 'stuff' everywhere just too much.

I know I've been reading too many interiors magazines lol but sometimes I just want a house to look like that! Dh isn't too bothered - he'll tidy up eventually but he's happy with a lived-in look. Dd1 also likes her stuff around her.

It's all the bits of small toys that creep into the kitchen, even our bedroom and en-suite! Drives me mad.

I should add that I grew up in a v diry, messy house and now I have my own home I'm v proud of it. I know that probably makes me a bit obsessed though!

So am I BU to want a tidy house with our youngest still quite small...or should I just chill out?

OP posts:
Gleekfreak · 26/02/2011 22:13

Chill out, and spend the time with the kids-they'll remember that more than how tidy the house was, and it's more fun. This is a time you'll never get back, to enjoy it:)

MarkStretch · 26/02/2011 22:14

Invest in lots and lots of shelves and baskets or a unit with lots of drawers and before you sit down in the evening throw all the crap into boxes and put it out of sight.

Works for me Grin

mmsmum · 26/02/2011 22:15

YABU, 3 kids = mess. YANBU to expect your bedroom and bathroom to stay tidy though so invest in some locks for your doors and a gate for your kitchen. Not only will it keep the mess confined but it will be safer for the kids

MadDogGaddafi · 26/02/2011 22:15

I grew up with 3 brothers. Our house was always scruffy so I worry about our house being untidy. Thats what you get with kids

MadDogGaddafi · 26/02/2011 22:15

I mean I dont worry

celebmum · 26/02/2011 22:19

My front room very closely resembles toys 'r' us.... An I have one 10 month old!! There's a difference between clean and tidy tho, as long as ur home is clean who cares abt the tip. :)

juuule · 26/02/2011 22:23

Oh, me too

PepsiPopcorn · 26/02/2011 22:29

Chill :o

slipperandpjsmum · 26/02/2011 22:50

Remember what really matters - time with your children. Their childhoods will be gone in a heart beat. You can have a tidy house when they are older or have left home.

You wouldn't want them to reach adulthood with memories of their Mum as someone who was more concerned with a tidy house than anything else. Try to relax about it (easy to say) and create a home; a warm, nurturing environment where everyone feels happy to be themselves.

My dh grew up in a very tidy home which led to a very unhappy childhood. To this day his parents house is a show home where no one feels relaxed or comfortable.

From your posting I wonder about your own childhood and its impact upon you?? Tell us more

FabbyChic · 26/02/2011 22:51

Get her a big plastic box that everything is put in in the lounge before she goes to bed, and teach her to put her stuff in there.

NinkyNonker · 26/02/2011 22:52

It's all about the storage boxes and baskets.

AristotleThunderpants · 26/02/2011 22:56

You will have a tidy house when they have gone

AristotleThunderpants · 26/02/2011 22:58

Chilhood days is from the film Hawks

see it if you get the chance

Original poster
Dancergirl · 26/02/2011 23:05

From your posting I wonder about your own childhood and its impact upon you?? Tell us more

Thanks for asking. It was pretty horrible really. My dad died when I was 4, I had a (much older) sister who had already left home so just mum and me. We lived in a dirty, messy house. I was ashamed to bring my friends home, my bedroom still had nursery wallpaper when I was 12, every room and surface in the house was loaded up with stuff. My mum never threw anything away. For years she said we were going to move and have a fresh start; it never happened Sad I've lost track of the number of houses on the market that we viewed - each time she said we would buy it - I got so excited but years later we were in the same position. I remember our kitchen table where we more or less lived - it had so much stuff on it you had to clear a small place for your plate. I think actually my mum's plate was ON TOP of a pile of stuff. I hated it.

Now I have my own home and family I'm incredibly proud of both. Of course, I know in my heart of hearts that the children are the important thing and it's only a bit of clutter. My home is worlds away from the home I grew up in. Clean, pleasant, happy children and lots of laughter. I KNOW these are the important things and most of the time I try not to worry about the mess. But every so often (like today), I flip and my children (and dh) think I've gone mad. I would hate for my children to think tidyness is more important than them.

slipper - that's really sad about your dh. Luckily my tidyness obsession hasn't rubbed off on my dc - they love playing at home and having all their toys out. And that's the way it should be.

OP posts:
ledkr · 26/02/2011 23:25

dancer you could be me,i wish i could let it go but i just cant relax in a mess and once i've done it want it to stay nice.I then place unrealistic expectations upon myself and my family,if you find the answer let me know.Btw,are you worse with pmt?

swanriver · 26/02/2011 23:33

My mum had quite a tidy house, but she always felt it was on the edge of chaos (she had four kids) As a child I used to find the clutter that was there very depressing, the bookshelves had straw boxes full of junk, dogeared paperbacks I never wanted to read, manky old pieces of furniture. The things that were beautiful in the house inspired me, some special tiles in the bathroom, a lovely bedspread in her room, yellow paint in the kitchen. Those were the good things about our home. I think when she was depressed or couldn't be bothered, or just felt it was all too much I and my brothers felt despondent too. Not always of course. But, I think children do notice when the adult is not very happy, deep down, with the arrangements.
My house is full of clutter too, and I think the children can distinguish between "cheerful" disorder and disorder which is a sign of not being "cared for" or their mum feeling powerless and down. I try and strike a balance. I think if everything is just in a heap, the child learns that nothing is valued particularily.
I suppose when you feel on top of things, you feel positive and children pick up on that. And children do have an aesthetic sense, they like clean, clear rooms and cheerful comfortable "cared for" rooms, usually too much mess is incompatible with this.

My mum still says in a rather pathetic way, "I just want a tidy house" - yet she is one of the least houseproud people I know, and I think her life changed for the better when she just accepted that there were other things she preferred doing to cleaning Grin She has a good life! Don't quite know what the moral of that story is, sorry Blush

issey6cats · 26/02/2011 23:49

just chill when my 3 kids were young i used to let them have as many toys out during the day, the only rule was that just before bath and bedtime they chucked them all in a big box i kept in the corner of the lounge, instant tidy room, they wernt allowed toys in our room always been my sanctuary my bedroom, and if thier bedrooms got to messy i used to say right will be up in ten minutes and anything on the floor thats not supposed to be will go into a binbag for the binmen even from 4yrs old upwards they knew i meant it, never did have to do the binbag thing

swanriver · 27/02/2011 00:32

my computer just conked out, but I came back to say...

YANBU at all to want a tidy house. However, you have to think about what is causing you to flip, and whether it achieves its end.
My mum used to scream at us about how untidy the house was, and a particular obsession with our (open plan) kitchen worktop and removing our homework therefrom... (although as I say she was not naturally a very tidy person at all) I now think she had this terrible fear of being judged. She judged herself very harshly for the wrong reasons. She was a wonderful mother in lots of ways, and for some reason she decided that she had ailed miserably when the worktops had "stuff" on them. When in fact screaming at us was a sign of her being out of control not in control. We absolutely hated her screaming at us, and it made absolutely no difference to the tidiness of the house. We all turned out as untidy as her Sad

I think she should have stopped blaming herself, enjoying decorating the house with lovely things and fabrics, not been a martyr, and taken steps to re-arrange the house so it was a bit more user friendly...open plan did not suit her at all, and nor did sharing a wardrobe with my father.

Things became so bad that she never invited anyone to dinner because she couldn't face removing my brother's bicycle from the hall.

preghead · 27/02/2011 00:38

yanbu and yet you, and I too, should prob chill - it is hard though I know!

I think you're right about open plan, sounds great but just means stuff gets spread everywhere ...

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