to be cross with dp re lego

[girlygirl1975]

Have been on a lovely shopping day out with dp with dc. Whilst shopping we split up and he told older ds whilst I took younger one. Big mistake. He ended up spending £80 on lego. I know we probably can afford it but I feel deceived. I think he knew that I would question spending this much money on dc when its not a birthday or Christmas.

YANBU - however, if it had been Playmobil, it would have been entirely acceptable

I don't think getting things bought on non-special occasions means you have to up the ante at Christmas/Birthdays.

When I was growing up we would get treats/presents like this, but very little fuss was made of birthdays and Christmas.

Now as adults we sort of carry on like this, if I see something that I know my mum/dad will like I might buy it for them but equally if I can't think of anything to buy for birthday or Christmas I don't get anything and they do similar for me. It's nice to get a gift out of nowhere for no special occasion.

I can't really comment on whether this 80 pounds should have been discussed with you, people arrange their finances in different ways.

Really not seeing the problem TBH, I would easily do that and wouldn't expect any shit from DH about it. Same for him.

If he can afford it I can't see the problem with him buying his kids some toys. If he does it all the time you might have a problem.

But we have been out and about and DS1 has seen something and I/DH have indulged him - why not?

We don't really consult each other over purchases under about $500.

We've just bought The Death Star Lego Set for ds2. It cost almost £300, which is ridiculous for some bits of plastic, but ds2 loves it and is very grateful. He also pitched in £70 of his savings to buy it

Wow morloth - it just goes to show how different families are.

Don't know if you mean $500 or £500 but I wouldn't expect to spend that much in a year on my DCs (excluding a new bike) in total on toys and stuff.

Do you mind me asking how old your DCs are and what kind of things you would buy them for that amount?

Hey, nevermind, it's done now. I spoil DS and spend lots on him when there is no reason (I spend a mere £30 on him today on bits and bobs). It makes him happy. It makes me happy.

My husband is the same with Lego.
"It's for the boys"
Yeah right.

I DC love lego & we have bought 3 or 4 set's since xmas to build up our collection.

We were in ToysRus over the weekend & whilst deciding on a new £5 car or a new £7 big board we heard the following convo.

DC: I waaaant the airport £80

Dad: No, not today but I will buy you the airoplane today £40 & the airport for your b'day

DC: (crying) Noooo I waaaant it today

Dad: (picking up the airoplane & putting it in the basket) Not today, today I will buy you the airoplane.

DC: lot's of whinging

MY DD then said, nice & loud: Blimey, how ungratefull, if that was me you wouldn't buy me any new lego forever!!

Not the same as your situation but I felt like sharing spoilt child episode & if I could afford £80 I would buy the police station for myself DD in a shot, it's a good family activity & as mentioned above, it never looses re-sale value

You are only spoiling him if either you gave in to him whinging for the lego set or you oh buys an expensive present every time you go out.
Nothing wrong with a surprise treat every now and again. I cant go into Brighton without spending half an hour in the lego store and a few £££ to add to my sons already massive collection.

I don't have a pound key, but yeah 500 quid as well.

Sorry, didn't mean to give the impression that I am in the habit of spending $500 on DC each year. Just that under that amount I wouldn't check with DH nor expect him to check with me for anything not just for DCs. We are in the fortunate position where we can do that and we are very aware that it is a fortunate position.

We mostly do Christmas and Birthdays only and DS often chooses to do something as opposed to get something, like legoland instead of a present for his birthday.

I say No a lot, I would say 99% of the time, but every now and then I say Yes. Any moaning or whinging or begging would get an absolute No so he doesn't bother and learned that real quick. I don't mind him saying 'Hey Mum, this is cool can I have it?' if he has saved his own pocket money then he checks whether he is allowed (i.e. whether it is appropriate) but if he wants something and I am feeling indulgent then yes I will buy him stuff.

It is mostly Lego TBH, he has lots of lego and he makes some most excellent creations (built his own board game last week, complete with written rules and a lego die).

He saves and saves and saves for the creations so I don't think he is terribly spoiled and he has a good grasp of how much things cost and how his dad works hard to make the money. DS2 is only a baby so is still entertained with some tupperware and a spoon.

We are lucky, our kids are lucky. You can teach them good values and still indulge them sometimes.

A lot of joy comes from spontaneously indulging DCs and there is nothing wrong with them getting (occasional?) treats. If your DH had told you about the lego and you'd gone to buy it together then you could both have felt happy... Do you feel left out that you didn't get to share in giving the treat too? Or if DH had suggested would you have said no?

My DS is too little for lego, but has lots of basic wooden train tracks. He's now very into Thomas the Tank Engine though and in the sales online over Christmas I've spent around £300 buying the proper Thomas trains and talking stations etc (mostly 50% off, he's careful with toys and theres ok resale value :) - not that I'm justifying it or anything!), which I know DS'll love. They're now put away and when we feel like DS deserves a treat then DH and I decide which train to give him and give it to him together. Its a deliberate choice on my part to let DH share in the joy of giving DS treats, as I'm at home all the time so could easily give them then, but its lovely to watch how happy DS is together.

If you can't afford the £80 - or if he'd effectively spent your families' 'treat' money for the month then he should have consulted you. If you can afford it then by getting cross and telling your DH off then you'll have spoiled his and DS' joy in the gift. So maybe just talk to DH about what you'd like to happen in future? i.e. tell you so you can both get DS the treat together?

I dont see the problem either. Do you as an adult only get treats at xmas/birthdays - I doubt it.

Your DH should be able to treat his children without asking. Totally different if it meant lego or food but as thats not the case I cant see what he did wrong.

Oh it's just a toy. And a good one at that. I'd rather money be spent on good quality toys like Lego than silly little tat that cost 1/10th of it. Let them enjoy it (yes your dh too :)).

I would be a bit cross too. I would not want to fall out about it and would just say something sarcastic/funny. Dh doesn't question me when I buy things so I try not to question him.

I don't think buying an £80 toy now meens you have to spend more at Christmas/Birthdays. It's not a competition.

Thank you for giving me some perspective. I am not going to fall out with dh over this or say anything. Just wanted to vent I guess. I suppose in some ways this is probably our treat budget for the month blown in one go. I didn't mind the £30 spent on ds games for ds2. At least I knew about that. So thats £110 in one day I never spend that much on myself or the children. I have been moaned at for spending the same on groceries. So I guess this is part of a bigger issue.

YABU.

If this was happening all the time, then yes I would agree. But the occasional indulgence outside of christmas and birthdays should be allowed. If my DH thought he could rebuke me on an occasional purchase like this without 'pre-authorisation', I would put him back in his box pronto.

I think a little occasional impulsive purchase like this is lovely.