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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just get rid of DP's claptrap?

26 replies

IllTakeACheapSeat · 26/02/2011 15:14

I know this sounds petty but its making me regret ever moving in with my DP, hes so old fashioned and dreary and has claptrap all over the house. Adescription of our living room for instance entails carnivorous plants all over the window sill, a massive dinosaur printer stuck on top of the sideboard, a load of egyption brass ornaments on the fireplace a "display" shelf full of beatrix potter ornaments. Honestly it looks like an old couple live here but he refuses to take any of it down and just says I can put my stuff up alongside his stuff to "keep it fair" but I want to decorate and TBH his dreary shite will spoil any room. At the moment I'm decorating the bedroom and so far I have bought a leather headboard bed, dark wooden furniture and am going to contrast that with light green vases, flowers, pictures etc. However DH is refusing to let me move the following items: A collection of metal "myth and magic" ornaments consisting of dragons, wizards etc which are currently cluttering the windowledge. A William Wallace ornament that he has proudly sat on the chest of drawers (we're not Scottish so it isn't a patriotic thing!), An ancient sewing machine that was his grandmas which I don't expect him to get rid of but he refuses to put it out of site, a horrible, disgusting old filing cabinet that looks like it's escaped from a 70s cop series and a "British Wildlife - Birds of Britain" calendar which he's stuck on the wall with drawing pins. Also stuck on the wall was a VAMPIRE picture which he picked up at a carboot. I didn't compromise on that, it's gone. As I say I know it sounds petty but its really making me regret us moving in together. I know other women would just box it up and point him in the direction of the shed but I darnt! he'd hit the roof.

AIBU to push my point with this?? I mean, in the bathroom he used to insist on keeping urine testing kits all over the window-sill and thought I was being unreasonable when I asked him to move them somewhere more discreet!

OP posts:

OTheHugeManatee · 26/02/2011 15:20

You need to move into a new place together. You will struggle to last a year living in his place, especially if it's so full of junk that he won't get rid of.

I speak as someone who moved into DP's house, only to move out again into my own place a year later, as the contest between his stuff and mine was wrecking the relationship. We're still very lovingly together, but it was impossible to live amid his stuff without permission to chuck things out. I won't move back in with him until we get a place together.

My mother lived with my stepfather for a year in similar conditions, and then put her foot down and insisted they move.

Good luck

janiesmum · 26/02/2011 15:20

he lives there too, it should be a compromise

eden263 · 26/02/2011 15:25

Well, I guess the question is did you know he had all this stuff and that he kept the house in this way before moving into his home? If the answer's yes and it's such a big issue for you, then you only have yourself to blame if it's annoying you now.

I think, FWIW, and sorry if it offends you, UABmassivelyU to move into someone's home then redecorate it and insist they get rid of all their possessions.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 15:40

As hideous as they sound, the things he has are a reflection of the person he is.

Like if you looked at what books I have on my bookshelves you'd get a measure of what kind of weirdo person I am.

So to put his shit in the loft is saying he can't express himself in your living space.

I really do feel for you though, I'm especially outraged on your behalf with the filing cabinet and beatrix potter crap

eden263 · 26/02/2011 16:30

I also think the fact that you describe him as "so old-fashioned and dreary" is pretty cruel. How would you feel if he was slagging you off like that behind your back?

Do you think anything of this poor bloke at all? You don't like him much as a person, by the sound of it, and you regard things that are clearly important to him as 'dreary shite' and 'claptrap' (although, if I may be pedantic, the word claptrap means 'pretentious but insincere or empty language' and so what you've written is actually nonsensical).

I feel really hurt and angry on his behalf. He deserves better. Think yourself lucky your only gripe is that he's a bit of a hoarder; there are many many worse 'crimes' he could be committing in a relationship.

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 16:34

Havent you posted about this before a long time ago? The beatrix potter ornaments ring a big bell.

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 16:36

thought so What about moving them to the boxroom?

TechnoKitten · 26/02/2011 16:38

My now husband moved into my house when we first got together and I too have ornaments everywhere - I collect them and they mean a lot to me. Instead of insisting I get rid of them, he got me some display cabinets and put them up while I was out.

Why are you trying to remake your partner's house as you want it, are you trying to remake him also? These are his possessions that he may also be attached to and you are being very disparaging of them. Either compromise (which doesn't mean he does what you want) or both move somewhere new and take the opportunity to have a good sort out.

Does he want this leather headboard / plant arrangement in the bedroom? YABVU.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 16:42

That's a good memory you've got there rainbow, some things stick in your head though don't they?

If it's been going on that long OP, perhaps it's time you took the bull by the horns?

Stangirl · 26/02/2011 16:42

Oh dear - I sympathise with your plight as I hate my DP's taste and vice versa. We have lived together for nearly 4 years and I still despair of us ever agreeing on decor. Took us 2 years to reach a decision on the colour of the living room.

In our case though my taste is more like your boyfriend's (which I think sounds admirably eccentric) and less like yours (which seems a bit too Next interiors for me). Anyway - all the very best of luck with it - perhaps you could split the rooms between you? That's what we did in the end.

LilQueenie · 26/02/2011 16:44

YANBU I have the same problem. Hence one reason we still have our seperate houses. FFS he got upset when I dusted his shakespeare bust. Why? Because the dust gave it an 'antique' look. I like modern stuff he likes old dark furniture. With many toys (yes starwars and all the others) as ornaments. He has a 3 bedroom house but its crammed that you cant move in it. I actually feel there is no space for me.

The annoying thing is I have a load of stuff but do clear it out and clean. He loves it!

eden263 · 26/02/2011 16:50

So the Beatrix Potter ornaments aren't even his, they're his daughter's?

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 16:52

Didnt the op of the thread I linked to turn out to be the boxroom troll in the end??

GypsyMoth · 26/02/2011 16:55

Oh this is the boxroom troll

But she was getting help this week as she is leaving him in the first week of march!!!!???

igetmorelovefromthecat · 26/02/2011 16:56

Do you have house insurance?

Could you start a chip pan fire?

GypsyMoth · 26/02/2011 16:56

Her 'is dp abusing his dd' thread from this week is still around I think?

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 16:57

Is it the same person?

BooyFuckingHoo · 26/02/2011 16:57

is this teh one you thought was abusing his DD the other day cause she wets the bed and you are leaving in two weeks?

BooyFuckingHoo · 26/02/2011 16:58

Xpost ILT.

GypsyMoth · 26/02/2011 18:13

I'm off to read the linked thread but the Beatrix potter stuff rang bells for me too!!

GypsyMoth · 26/02/2011 18:35

Egyption ornaments too..... Op, if you're staying with him, then I'd push the ornaments/claptrap argument, or break them one by one!

rainbowinthesky · 27/02/2011 10:05

bumping this cos it's a strange one.

BooyFuckingHoo · 27/02/2011 11:57

why bump it rainbow?

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 12:01

worraliberty · 27/02/2011 12:04

On a scale of 1 to 10 in the strange stakes I'd put it about 1 lol

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