to fight the good fight (?)

[Karenc3]

Seven years ago Tomorrow it will be a whole seven years since I last seen my mum alive.
I get a really bad mood on me when it comes up to this date as I have been on the phone to Parliament, sent in letters, visited MSP's, the whole nice yards .. let me explain.
I had asked her to come down to help me pick up a cot as I was pregnant it started snowing so I called her to tell her not to come through but as the day progressed the snow fizzled away so I called her again to ask her to come through, she came through with my step dad and brother, on the way back however some nutcase decided to drive into a field - then drive out onto the road through the fence. He killed her and injured both my step dad and brother. At court he got a 'not proven' due to the fact he pled epileptic which was not proven but that got the jury to doubt .. however in claims court he was found guilty of lieing to the court - so was his wife (Who had said she had seen him have what she thought was a 'black out')
either way - due to double jeopardy you can not take him back to court - I have been trying to egg on Kenny MacAskill and his manky mob to change this with letters and visits but it can take forever ...
Most family members feel it should be dropped now as it has been so long, the DH has lost patience. I just cannot get over how shauddy the law is when it comes to this sort of thing ...
My take on it is, it's either I try and get it changed to see him in court - or I want to find a way to contact this idiot and shout at him as I do have stored anger .. and we all know contacting this idiot would cause me to get into trouble...
Am I being unreasonable as all my family seems to have been able to let it slide? Even my step dad (Which I am upset about)

If he is found guilty in court, how do you think it would help you?

You know that the chances of a custodial sentance are probably low.

What is it you think you will gain from persuing this?

alternativly think of the hours youhave spent fighting, the stored up anger and fight that you have had. teh damage it has done to you and those around you.

Woudl your mum want you to continue to fight for somethng that, even if changed, doesn't mean that thsi particular case will be re tried.

OR do you think she would prefer you to get on with your life and be happy?

Whether you continue is not for us to decide, only you can chose the path your life takes.

The whole thing is he ripped my family apart and knowing he is sat at home with his kids, probably forgetting all the damage he caused - I think even if he had have spent a year in jail it would have been something.
It's the whole face thing - I didn't get to see his face because I was working and couldn't get the time off (Plus zero money to get there) at the time of the court date.
Also this thing in my head saying he still has his driving license, if he does it to someone else is it my fault because we never tried hard enough (Yes I know it is not our fault but the question pops up whenever it comes to her birthday or what not)

If only people would stop saying 'Car Accident' attitude's need to change. (That's another pet peeve)

Surely if he been shown to have epilepsy his license would have been taken away?

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Fwiw I think I would probably feel the same as you do :(

Nah he still drives for some company - he doesn't have epilepsy it was just a front get off with it (Even with the ambulance drivers saying he was faking)

Thanks for the post - Least I know I'm not totally insane lol x

It must be incredibly frustrating for you, and I can understand why you would be angry. What a nasty person that bloke is. However, nothing will bring your mum back.
Is there not a scheme of some sort where victims (ie you) get to meet the law breaker? Maybe if you spoke to him you'd feel better.
However, think about his life and children too. I know you want him to understand the pain he has caused, but it could have dire consequences for his children, who aren't guilty.

Oh Karen.
So sorry to hear about that.
You have every right to feel angry.

Can you commemorate the day in some way to honor your mum?

I don't know...plant a tree, volunteer somewhere that your mum would have liked...

BodyofEeyore as Much as I know his children are not guilty, even with my husband telling me about them not being guilty and they shouldn't need to suffer I still don't have any sympathy yes terrible I know - no matter how hard I try I can never feel bad at wanting that little bit of revenge (I must sound mean - sorry it's just honesty) - Was told I couldn't contact him on the many time's with police so I don't think you can. :(

COndensedmilkaddict oooo I love that name!
We have a bit on a walk she done with the dogs that looks out over a bridge n water and so on - but try getting to it! Last time I went I came home with a leg full of ticks and one on the derriere! little gits lol.

Never thought on the volunteer one though .. it would get me out the house! :)

It's not fair at all Karen.

I am a big believer in karma, and I know for a FACT that what goes around, does indeed come around.

I really feel for you.

I hope you can get some peace.
Please be kind to yourself. It is tragic and completely unfair.

I'm with condensedmilkaddict - what goes around, comes around.

I try to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated, and I have been screwed over a few times. Well, these people have had their come-uppance one way or another with absolutely no input from me.

It might take a few years, but it will come.

I'm so sorry this happened, but being so angry for so long must be very draining and taking you away from, basically, the rest of your life. You don't have to forgive or forget, but please try to talk to someone so that you can have some peace. By still being consumed by this, you're giving this 'person' power over you. Don't let him.

No no honestly every now and again it emerges, honestly I don't wake up every day thinking on it. It's more send letter - wait - one pop's back through the door - I get mad .. Or as I say it's seven years tomorrow so I am getting annoyed nothing has happened in 7years.
Karma - maybe one day :) Really hope.
Have told them for year's - how can they have a not proven verdict when you cannot 'prove it' after the verdict.

I believe you are keen to fight this because it'll give you the kind of closure that you are seeking. Although it won't bring your mother back, you'll know you have done all you can.

Karen, i am so sorry for your loss - i cannot imagine how you are feeling. Have you had any bereavement counselling? Its time to lose the anger:(

Oh, ok. I understand why you get angry and frustrated around anniversaries and things like that and I think everyone could empathise.

Like robotlollypopman says, if it is helping you overcome some of the frustration, then YANBU to carry on fighting but sometimes that brings frustrations of its own - especially when it seems like no-one's listening.

So keep up the letter-writing, lobbying or whatever you feel is helping you, but I think maybe keep it to yourself. Your project that is helping you, and if anyone asks just say 'yes, I'm carrying on with trying to get this kind of thing looked at. It's helping me' but try to understand that your stepdad will still be hurting and maybe doesn't like to keep bringing it up. Not his fault, maybe just HIS way of coping.

Hope that doesn't sound patronising and you understand what I'm getting at. It's all about finding your own coping strategy, and not everyone's is the same.

And you can always come on here (maybe not AIBU ) and have a wee rant when you feel it's getting on top of you.

karenc - so sorry to hear your story. No advice I'm afraid but I think I would feel as you do about it all.