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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like this??

9 replies

gimmecake · 26/02/2011 12:10

Well my girls are having thier bi-annual visit to thier fathers - they only see him 2 x a year if he can be bothered and only because I make the effort to get them to him whenever I can (my girls WANT to see him) so it isnt often however when they get there all contact to me is cut off until they get home - even my DD (age 13) is blocked from Facebook by my ex's wife so that I cant see anything they write about them or photos!! I dont make a habit of reading the boring cow's profile normally.. in fact SHE has sent me 3 FR which I IGNORED but because I hold the password to my DD's account (wouldnt you?) she has blocked her for the week!!! Gggrrrrr!!! I would rather she didnt re-add her again so that I cant be accused of snooping? Is that unreasonable?

AND to top it all - my DD tells me they cant wear any of thier own clothes while there when they go out they have to wear charity shop stuff that their step mum has bought for them!! WHY??? I am not slagging off charity shops but I buy them such lovely things and bought them new stuff to take (despite getting a crap £70 a month maintenence from him). she is just a controlling little freak and I am FUMING!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/02/2011 12:12

She sounds like a controlling asshole, its ridiculous they cannot wear their own clothes.

£70 what does he earn peanuts?

Original poster
gimmecake · 26/02/2011 12:14

He has protected earnings, she has 2 kids from a previous and another with him. She works full time but my ex has a job - CSA take the £70 via a DEO - he defaulted for years and owes me over £5,000! But at this rate it wont get paid off - he works minimum hrs so that I get the least amount possible.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 26/02/2011 12:17

I would be fuming too, but I guess I would try to be grateful that it is only twice a year. Does your DD have a mobile so you can keep in touch that way? I would be inclined to get or lend her one for when they are away if you dont want her having one full time.

All that aside, I would be up the wall about it and would probably not be able to follow my own advice about it only being twice a year!

Original poster
gimmecake · 26/02/2011 12:23

They both have mobiles but they "loose" them when they get there! (convinient eh?) they go to my Mums midweek because she lives close so they ring me from there. Thats how I find out what is going on - my eldest daughter was really upset because she is an adult size 12 but the step mum had bought her age 13 clothes and they dont fit! She accused her of eating too many chocolate bars and my daughter was upset. She is very sensitive about her weight and it is her epilepsy meds that make her gain weight. she isnt fat but she has 34c boobs and is very mature for her age. My youngest DD is happy and easy going so she doesnt care what she wears so it doesnt bother her so much.

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 26/02/2011 12:24

my ex only takes mine a few times a year too, pays a miserable £28 per month £8 of that is arrears!

He doesnt phone them for months on end then expects to pick up as if nothing has happened! He gives good fathers a bad name!

YANBU

Original poster
gimmecake · 26/02/2011 12:30

Geez tallulahxhunny ... its a joke isnt it? Yes my ex expects them to pick up where they left off - he last saw them last AUGUST previous to this week!! He didnt see them once over christmas.. always an excuse (no money/ working nights/ car broken/ illness ect ect) He wont see them again after this week until the summer and that is only if I travel with them. (I live in north yorkshire - he lives in south wales)I have 4 children so it isnt easy for me to organise either but he wont get the train up here because he cant afford it!! ( he is going on holiday with his family though - he can afford THAT!) Grrr.....

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 26/02/2011 12:35

I know how ya feel, its exactly the same here, and when my ex does take them, he doesnt take them anywhere and tells them he has no money cos he had to pay for the ferry to get them !! Angry

He had them for 2 weeks last july and told me he was taking them away for a week to a caravan , he didnt and told the kids that me and my partner were away on our holidays and he had to mind them! Shock How horrible could a person be to 2 young kids, they are only little!

Sorry im ranting now

Bogeyface · 26/02/2011 14:30

The clothes/weight thing is abusive and I would be questioning their being there at all under those conditions. I think now might be a good time for you to consider whether you will continue the travelling etc, in the knowledge that if you dont then he wont make the effort to come and see them and therefore they dont go there but without you being the bad guy.

I wouldnt allow them to go and live like that even if it was only for a week. My dd is 13 and also a size 12 (same size boobs coincidentally) and she would be humiliated and upset to be made to wear clothes like that. Sounds like a control thing from the step mother.

lazarusb · 26/02/2011 14:35

I think the step-mother sounds envious of your dds blossoming figure. She is also jealous of you and controlling. If your ex isn't willing to support and stand up for his dds I'd question whether even this minimal level of contact is worthwhile for your girls.

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