to want to go home?

[Rillyrillygoodlooking]

I am in Christchurch, NZ. OH, the kids and I have been so so so so so so so so so lucky in this earthquake and the one in September.

The house hasn't been damaged at all, we have water and power and none of us were injured.

Despite this I really really want to go back to the UK. We have only been here nine months. there are people infinitely worse off than us, and they can't move because it is their home, where they have roots, they don't have the money just to relocate, etc.

I really feel like we have been too lucky and that something bad is going to happen.

We have two small children and although we can't just up sticks and head back to England straight away it should be just about possible to move back.

I feel guilty for feeling like this, but I am scared as well.

AIBU to want to give up and go home?

no YANBU, you must have had a terrible shock. It is probably that which is wanting to make you come home.

I would give it some time and see what happens with your life in NZ. Nobody can guarantee that something bad will not happen, but in all likelyhood it wont.

It is very early days after such a horrific earthquake to be making decisions. Please give it some time and take very good care of yourself.

How do DH and the kids feel? I know that when I was living in Oz and there was a bad water shortage ne summereven THAT made me want to go home...earthquakes and extreme weather are alie to us...it's not surprising you feel like this.

Can you get some counceling? Did you feel this way befre the quake?

I'm glad you all are fine.

how were you settling before the september quake? If it were me, even if I was having the most wonderful experience, there'd be times when I really wanted to 'come home'. As a mum, you are much more sensitive to perceived dangers, and it must be going agaisnt the grain for you at the minute, but just to throw in a wild thought or two. You could pack up to return, and be wiped out on the journey due to accident. You could, make it all the way home, only to perish in a house fire, crossing the road etc etc. You get the picture I'm sre. It is this line of thinking which has helped me in darker moments, when I wanted to bubble wrap and store my growing family for their own safety

Its totally understandable to feel that way, but Ladyfirenze is very correct.

Tragedy and disasters can happen anywhere, at any moment.

Something bad HAS happened, and you have survived it. It is not likely to happen again on that scale, not for a long time.

It is still early days for you to be over there anyway, and I bet in a few years time you will not regret staying. We have friends in NZ (north island) and they have been there about 8 years now and although it took a while to settle, they wouldnt come back now.

Give it a month and see how you feel then. You've had a hell of a shock and won't be making the most rational of decisions right now.

And yes, bad things can happen anywhere. Would you have left London post 7/7?

Just take it easy, sit it out for a bit, see how you feel. You have all my sympathy - I can't begin to imagine.

Hey Rillyrillygoodlooking. Great username by the way!

Living in another country is hard, even when it is a country reasonable similar to the UK (I guess that's where you're from). It takes a while to settle. It took me 2 years to feel like rural Denmark was becoming home. I know it's tough, but try and remember why you moved there, and really focus on that. There comes a point where everything kinda falls into place, and then when you go home it all feels foreign and weird. I think counselling is a good option, maybe life coaching too? Maybe having some goals to work towards would give you a bit of structure. I have hate Denmark days, and I have learnt to recognise and accept them as such, and then I love Denmark again the next day. Making a list about the great/weird things is really entertaining - do it as a family perhaps? Top of the list for new zealand would surely be hokey pokey icecream?

I really hope you feel better soon. Big hugs from Denmark x

Of course YANBU. I am in Sydney and read an interview with a doctor in today's paper saying how the high levels of anxiety that people are living with have real implications for people's future mental health. I guess in a few months time if you feel the same way it would be reasonable to explore the possibility of going home, but I would try and give it time. Survivor guilt is very real and leaving could cause you more angst in the long run. Very glad to hear you and your family are all ok though!

Not sure what to say but I'm glad you and your family are OK.

Dreadful thing to happen.

I admit we have been struggling with the move to NZ. We didn't expect an earthquake and certainly didn't expect two!
I seem to be waiting for a third one now. There was a guy (not a seismologist or scientist) who predicted these two and has predicted another one in March, I don't normally take any notice of that kind of thing but I just feel on edge now.

I am so sad for the people who are really in trouble now. I hope they have found help. My OH is going out to help and I stay at home with the two DC.

They are 3 and 1.9. They were a bit frightened to start with but have settled down.

Thanks for your messages, I am so relieved that we are ok and so confused and guilty that we are as well. I guess as I haven't got power, water or health to worry about I am working over time on other things.

Is there anything practical you can be doing at home to make yourself more prepared should anything else happen? Heaven forbid it will but if you are worried by the previously-accurate seismologist's prediction, maybe doing something will amke you feel like you have a little bit more control.

Not sure what though - are you able to get in some bottled water that you can store in a safe place in a shed outside, along with some sleeping bags/tents/camping equipment etc plus some long life supplies that you will be able to eat easily. Oh and don't forget the loo roll

I know that this is likely to be really diffficult unless you have this sort of thing lying around at home, guess the shops are not really open at the moment.

Also could you gather together all your important documents and find a good waterproof file and safe place for them. If you have access to a copier or scanner then copy and/or scan them so you have extra copies in case anything should happen to them; email to a special googlemail/whatever account you have set up specially for the purpose (and remember to log in on a regular basis to ensure you don't lose the account). if you still have family in the uk, maybe you could send them a copy on disk or a paper copy (warn them first it is coming and ask them not to open the envelope unless you ask them to if you don't want them looking through all your stuff!) so that you will have access to all your info even if the paper copies of stuff get destroyed.

Likewise, keep full back up copies of all your photos on disk and send a copy to a trusted friend so that if anything happens to your photos you will still have access to them. some back up photo sites are available but double check tehy keep the full size picture for you so that you can print things out at a later date bigger than 6x4.

In the same vein, make an inventory of all your stuff, make a document with photos and description of everything, photo of receipt or other proof of ownership if you have it. ditto advice to back up and send copies to trusted friend /family to jkeep for you.

Find out what the drill is if there should be another earthquake - do you get out, hide under tables or doorways or what (have no idea - these seem to be things they do on films, have no idea what you really are supposed to do _ and practise them with your children, so that you can comfort yourself that you are doing all that you possibly can should anything bad happen.

Spend lots of time with your kids and dh...

I hope this doesn't sound too trite or materialistic. It's not supposed to, but just be a little thing that hopefully gives you a feeling of control in some horrendous times that you are going through as well as give you something to do to take your mind off things.

I think zipzap has given some sound advice on practical things.

If you have a scanner then scan all your important documents into it and store it on hard disc or email copies to family members in UK.

The feelings you have of guilt and helplessness are perfectly normal. I feel for you, huge unmumsnet hugs for you and your family.

thanks for your messages, lots of good advice, I think scanning and putting onto a memory stick is a good idea to start with.
We thought we had a gas leak yesterday, luckily we didn't, so I am going to pack a bag that we can just grab and go if necessary.

While I was sitting outside the house yesterday a lady went past with a DD about my DCs' age. I went round her house (she told me where she lived) and invited her and her DD round to play. We are missing playgroups so I am going to investigate how to maybe set up an impromptu playgroup for preschoolers in the area. That has made me feel better.

Thanks again.