Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to get annoyed when pre school says 'he's not ready'?

22 replies

temporarystate · 26/02/2011 08:38

DS1 is 3yrs in March and I want him to do 1 full day (9.30 - 3pm) at pre school (along with 2 mornings (9.30-12) and they have just come back to say he is not ready.

He has been going to pre-school 2 mornings a week since he was 2yrs (old mainly because DS2 was 3m old so needed the break!) At 2.5yrs this went up to 4 mornings (again, because of DS2 and needing more help) and he has always LOVED going. Never once told me he didn't want to.

Reports back from pre school have always been abso fine. Some issues with behaviour have been worked on and are significantly improved etc etc

So I find it quite hard to stomach when they tell me he is not ready to move from 4 mornings to 2 plus 1 'full day'.

is it so unreasonable to want to try it even for a trial period first?
Not least that when i first asked them they told me he COULD do it!

He qualifies for his free hours after easter and so was due to start his new hours then. but they want to wait to Sept.

If I was working he would be doing 5 full days somewhere - so how can this be too much??

I think they are just using it as an excuse because they are over subscribed - but why blame it on my child!!

GGGGGrrrrrr!

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/02/2011 08:41

My DD started 9-2 at 3.5 and really struggled with it as she was so tired. Even now she is 4.4 she is still pretty exhausted by 2pm

LineRunner · 26/02/2011 09:03

My 3 yr old son struggled too at pre-school. He was so tired and fractious and didn't want to join in the activities. He didn't want to go; he didn't want to walk the short way home.

But I had to go back to work; so I found a really good local full-time nursery. My son flourished - lots of activites, but also naps and quiet time, food that he could choose himself, and a good staff-child ratio. I think it was the nap/quiet time(s) that made all the difference. It was just less hectic.

babyapplejack · 26/02/2011 09:05

If your DS doesn't sleep in the day ever, I don't see why he couldn't manage it. My DS didn't go anywhere until he was 3.0 and he started out with 3 full days and was fine. In fact, full days were recommended to help him settle. This was a couple of years ago now

fedupofnamechanging · 26/02/2011 09:09

Given that they told you he could do it and have now gone back on that, I think you should make an appt to go in and discuss it. Ask them why they think he is not ready and see if anything new has developed between the time they said he was able to start and now.

Personally, I don't think that 1 full day plus 2 half days sounds too much. In fact, I think it's a good idea to do some full days because he could be starting full time school aged 4.

I think you are probably right about them being oversubscribed and have promised more than they can deliver, in which case they should be honest. you will only find out by having a proper meeting and getting them to justify their reasons.

Summerfruit · 26/02/2011 09:12

My dd started pre-school full at 3.2 and she was fine before that she was attending a morning playgroup every day. Every child is different.

GiddyPickle · 26/02/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MCos · 26/02/2011 10:23

I think you should consider what the pre-school has told you. My preschool advised holding my DD2 back a year before starting school. She would have made the age cut-off, but on the very young side. I was a bit surprised, thought she'd be well up for school.

I took their advice, she is now one of the older kids, and is really florishing. I'm glad I took the advice. Thought I must add, that I knew the pre-school owner had my daughters interests at heart and that this advice wasn't money motiviated in any way.

coccyx · 26/02/2011 10:24

Is it that it fits in better with their 'number/staff ratios etc

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 26/02/2011 10:31

I thought the same as coccyx; I would ask them why they are offering a full day service if they can't offer it to everyone. Perhaps there is only a select few that are "allowed" to do a full day.

rosie1979 · 26/02/2011 11:30

I think a full day at preschool is really tiring - my ds started a 9-3 when he was 3.2 and on their advice the first few weeks he did 9-1, to "ease" him in.

Hes fine now but does get very tired, he has been known to fall asleep on the sofa as soon as we get in! :)

Why not suggest easing him in - say 9-1 - over a few weeks to the pre school?

To go from mornings to a whole day may be a shock to the system for him, even if its the same amount of hours.

princessparty · 26/02/2011 11:34

I think they are acting in your child's best interests and you should listen to them.

Franup · 26/02/2011 11:36

I wonder if actually it is because they can't fit him in all day. Up to aged 3 they need a higher staff to child ratio, so our preschool limit the number of under 3s they have per session and can be a bit reluctant to therefore let under 3s do too many sessions as it means over 3s can't do the full number of sessions they can get for free with the grant scheme.

worraliberty · 26/02/2011 11:42

He's just a baby, maybe he's not ready to be away from Mum for that amount of time? I know you say if you worked he'd have to get on with it, but maybe they feel as you don't, there's no point in putting him through the stress if he's not ready for it?

Tanith · 26/02/2011 11:43

I'm surprised they offered you a full day for a 2 year old in the first place!
Pre-school is not daycare. Most pre-schools, in my experience, will offer full days only to the older children and, if your pre-school is saying your son isn't ready, I think you should listen to them.

Original poster

temporarystate · 26/02/2011 12:33

sorry if I didn't make things too clear in my initial rant (!) The full day plus 2 mornings arrangement was not due to start until DS1 is 3.1m in the term after Easter.

At the moment he is still doing 4 mornings

He has a daytime sleep maybe twice a week for an hour. His behaviour/ patience is shorter on the days he doesn't sleep.

My motives are two fold - firstly for his benefit, school is looming, he enjoys it, and the pre school has been excellent for him in helping him develop. Secondly for my benefit in needing a break from the two of them and driving too and from pre school for 2.5hrs is a lot of hassle so having 3 days with one longer session means I can get more done. I do work part time and could fit this in to the full day when little one sleeps etc.

Are those reasons not normal? Is it wrong to push for it if part of the reason is me trying to cope?

I can see the tiredness thing could be an issue as his behaviour goes down hill. I just got the distinct impression the decision was a bit more 'off the cuff' than that

OP posts:

moaningminniewhingesagain · 26/02/2011 12:37

My DS is 2.1 and he does one morning, 9-12, plus one day, 9-3, at preschool.

He loves going. He mostly never naps, but if he gets very tired he just lies down and goes to sleep, wherever he is. He has only nodded off at nursery once though

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 12:43

If he turns 3 in March then he has loads of time to prepare...my DD is thesame age and she is starting part time nursery/pre school in September when she is three and a half.

I think a year is tonnes of time to get ready.

Is the day there quite structured? It is in the pre choolmy DD will attend...I know because my older DD aso went there and she struggled wih tiredness at thre and a half too.

pooka · 26/02/2011 12:52

School isn't really looming. Not really.

You can increase to a full day in September, when he'll still presumably have another whole YEAR before school starts.

Mine all did at least one (but dd did two) full days for the term before they started school. So full day M & W. Afternoon on Fri. Leaving2 whole days at home for us to spend together. DD started doing a full day when she was 4 - we have September and January starts here, so she had 2 full days a week from September until January.

DS1 did the same from the January when he was 4 and 3 months. Started school the following September on his 5th birthday.

DS2 will be going to a preschool that doesn't do full days at all - just mornings or afternoons.

Misfitless · 26/02/2011 13:34

I agree with worraliberty and others who say maybe he isn't ready. My DS was just 4yrs when he started full time school and he really struggled until the last term - I wish he could've stayed at home for the extra year but he couldn't.

My 3.5 year old does 2 mornings and two afternoons is shattered especially on the afternoon days - I think it's too much tbh and there's no way she'd cope with a full day!

You might need a break (don't see why tbh) but I don't think this should be a driving force in the decision when he's this little. Just maybe the staff do know what they're talking about and maybe they expect him to find it difficult to settle for that long.

Also, I seem to be the only one, but it seems a bit unfair that you're pushing him to doing a full day because you need a break because he's got a sibling - for your convenience! If you were working then it's a no-brainer but if you're not...?

Misfitless · 26/02/2011 13:36

Sorry, just read that you do work. Accept apologies. But no - imo pushing a young child to do full days so you can have a break isn't on when you admit yourself he'll struggle without a sleep.

A child who wants to go and stay all day, with the added bonus that you get a break is a whole different matter, obviously, but that's not what you're describing.

worraliberty · 26/02/2011 13:44

Can't whoever looks after your baby while you're at work, look after your DS as well? Perhaps a different environment other than a nursery would be better suited?

CrazyHorse · 26/02/2011 13:51

I really admire a childcare setting that can recognise a child who would struggle if left there more than a certain amount of time, and can advise the child's parents of this. They are acting in the child's best interests, which another setting may not do. Elsewhere he would be miserable due to having to cope with being at nursery for so long, and would be cared for along with 7 other children, who may also be struggling.

Thank your lucky stars your son attends such a fabulous nursery.

Flip