To think enough is enough

[julybutterfly]

DH doesn't care about me or the kids, doesn't care that I'm depressed after losing a baby at 22 weeks and being reminded of the labour when I lost another baby recently. I want to take the kids and go, if I moved fast enough could he track us? Would he know where we'd gone?

How awful for you to lose two babies.

I'm only playing devils advocate, but I was wondering how he was coping with your losses?

Why do you think he doesn't care?

I'm so sorry to hear that OP but perhaps he's not coping to well either? I know as mums we tend to say 'I lost a baby' but really it's 'we' lost a baby. Do you think a tiny part of this is that he doesn't know how to cope?

I'm not saying that's the case but just perhaps?

Maybe talking about it is too painful for him rather than a sign he doesnt care.

People deal with grief in different ways and different coping mechanisms.

Please dont do anything you might regret later.

Are you getting help with your depression?

So sorry for your loss xx

He wont talk to me...at all. Makes everything from the children dropping food on the floor to me having a shower at the 'wrong' time a big deal. I don't want to be here

It sounds like he could be suffering too but unable to talk to you. Men often grieve in a much more blocked way than women, in the mistaken belief that to show their feelings is a sign of weakness. Or they can just bottle things up because they are scared of hurting the person they love.

He may have no idea that you are feeling so close to leaving him, and you really have to talk, not just run away, as that might not be the right solution.

Do you get any time alone when it is just the two of you, and you can talk uninterrupted?

I know you said he wont talk about it at all, but do you think if he knew what a desparate place you're in right now and what's at risk, that he'd perhaps open up to you?

I think you need to communicate to him the depth of your feeling somehow.

If he wont talk are there any other ways you can get it across?

You've been through so much together, you need each other.

If you genuinely dont want to be there, do you have a friend/relative close by that you could stay with for a few days.

Before you go, you need to explain to him how you are feeling. If he wont listen, write him a letter and be there while he reads it.

You really should give him the opportunity to at least try give you some sort of explanation for his behaviour.

Going purely by your op, it would be unfair for you to whisk his children off the face of the earth for him never to see them again (I do appreciate that maybe there is stuff you havent told us).

I think you need a break - can you stay with relatives? I'd say for a week, though let him know where you are and explain that you need a break. Maybe then you can talk - I don't think now would be a good time to talk as feelings are running very high. I'm so sorry to hear you have lost two babies OP