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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect presents for dc after family row?

19 replies

FuppyGish · 24/02/2011 21:09

My DH/me and his sister fell out badly about 9 months ago. It was very acrimonious and we have not spoken with her at all since.

We have a dd together and my dd from my first marriage who DH is step father to. His sister always treated my dd as family, bought birthday presents etc.

My DH's nephew (sister's son) had a birthday about 4 months ago. We bought a card and sent money (he's 19 and at university). Didn't even think about it really. We always do send him money/cards for birthday/christmas and its his mother we're not speaking to not him.

Since then both my dd and our dd have had birthdays. In our dd's case, her first birthday. And no present/card was received.

AIBU to be upset about this? Its us she's fallen out with not the dc so why punish them? Confused She's still their aunt after all.

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 24/02/2011 21:10

Cowpat

HecateQueenOfWitches · 24/02/2011 21:12

Some people are petty and childish.

Continue to not drag the children into the adult argument. You are doing the right thing.

And by continuing to do so, you will make her look and feel more and more bad and petty and pathetic.

Original poster
FuppyGish · 24/02/2011 21:17

Thanks Hectate. To be honest it didn't even cross our minds not to send DN Christmas and birthday gifts.

Puffin - words of wisdom. Unless it was directed at me Grin

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 24/02/2011 21:49

NO. At the SIL Grin

AppleyEverAfter · 24/02/2011 21:54

If it was me I'd send the cards. But if you want a decent relationship with her maybe it's time you bit the bullet and tried to make up? Could this be done?

abbierhodes · 24/02/2011 22:01

I think you're right not to jeapordise your relationship with your 19 year old nephew. That relationship is already established, and I'm sure you cherish it. However, how on earth can anyone have a relationship with a 1 year old whilst not speaking to her parents? That's madness. I've been that child, my aunt insisted on 'not dragging me into the argument' and made a big fuss of me if she came across me without my mother there. I felt awkward, as I didn't know her, as well as extremely disloyal to my mum. Why would you want your daughter in that situation?

Original poster
FuppyGish · 25/02/2011 19:19

AppleyEverAfter - unfortunately not. Things were said I had pnd and didnt react well, and prehaps said some things back that were a little bad.

Aabierhodes - I don't understand sorry. I've only ever met the DN once, he lives the other end of the country and dh sees him perhaps once a year. I don't want to put my dc in any sort of situation, my 6 year old has met her aunt many times, my 1 year old has 'met' her perhaps 3 times. That isnt really the point to me, its that she has stopped sending presents/cards to the dc because we have fallen out. Seems mean to take it out on the dc.

OP posts:
smokingnuns · 25/02/2011 19:48

YABU - your dc won't know any different. I sent a birthday card to the son of a friend after we'd fallen out. She sent it back. You gotta laugh. HOpefully you'll be able to make it up at some stage and your dc will know her as their aunt.

Original poster
FuppyGish · 25/02/2011 20:22

She sent it back?? Shock that's pretty bad.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2011 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FuppyGish · 25/02/2011 21:52

Could be true Madame.

No question over sending DN cards/presents, we never once thought not to, as you say its nothing to do with him Smile

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 25/02/2011 23:44

What part of my post is it that you don't understand?

I'm just making the point that if you don't have a relationship with someone, then neither do your children, not at their ages. The situation with your nephew is different as he is an adult who makes his own choices.

bellavita · 25/02/2011 23:53

DH's mother fell out with us must be coming up 8 years this August. She fell out with us after DH asked her not to smack our children who were then aged 6 & 4 - in fact she told him never to go back to her house again or take the boys there. The witches sisters all took his mothers side and since that day 8 years ago, our boys have had nothing. It is heartbreaking, but I try not to think about it anymore.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 15:56

Oh bella that's awful.

But you did the right thing to not allow your children to be hit.

If I can't do what I like to your kids, I'm not giving them anything for birthday or christmas?

Yeah, I think that's ok. Don't you?

What a cow she sounds.

bellavita · 27/02/2011 16:02

Thing is though Hec, DH wasn't angry with her or mad, he just asked her nicely to leave the punishing to us if we thought the boys needed it and she completely lost it with him.

Families eh!

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/02/2011 16:05

I think Yabu.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 16:05

Yup, can't live with em

can't disembowel them with a white hot poker...

Sounds like you're better off without them.

bamboostalks · 27/02/2011 16:08

She probably hasn't even given their birthdays a second thought.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 27/02/2011 17:04

she's obviously a twat. Your children will grow up realising she's a twat, and if they grow up not knowing any different then it probably won't affect their lives as much as it does yours.

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