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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that I don't really mind

23 replies

Grandmasterpudge · 24/02/2011 16:59

my partners viewing of porn?

this is based on a few threads, I know its a very emotive subject so i'm being a sensitive as poss . I can understand if the viewing has been secretive and found out by the OH and they feel very lied to if they made their feelings clear.

but open use? am hoping for a calmer thread on this subject. Does anyone feel the same?

Porn(in this example) is used as a release, we don't live together so sometimes when the err, feeling comes were not around each other for sometime.If we lived together, i'd clamp down ..a bit.

waits for flaming

*prepares for flaming

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/02/2011 17:05

the problem a lot of folks have around porn is the exploitation of women

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2011 17:09

'am hoping for a calmer thread on this subject'

hahahahahahaha really??

Why are you preparing for a flaming then?

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2011 17:10

My DH is constantly looking at car porn on the net.

Should I be worried?

BuzzLiteBeer · 24/02/2011 17:11

didn't you read the threads this is about?

using porn, in the main, = using women. For most of us it has little if anything to do with trust or jealousy or anything like that, its an ethical objection that quite frankly is difficult to argue around if you know the first thing about it.

Original poster

Grandmasterpudge · 24/02/2011 17:25

Sure it is exploitative, but this is a career they have chosen! I think to compare choosing to be a porn star to someone being forced on drugs and then on the streets to sell themselves by a violent pimp is extreme.I dont thinks its 'empowering' but they have chosen this.

I don't watch it myself just to clarify

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 24/02/2011 17:29

Trafficked women don't choose it, neither do children of addicts.

Does your partner only use 'ethical' porn then- does he check?

Cos if not he's wanking over exploited women and children.
That's why I have a problem with it.

Feel free to come back and tell me that he only uses fair-trade porn.

LaurieFairyCake · 24/02/2011 17:30

That's children OR addicts

FabbyChic · 24/02/2011 17:30

The women actually get off on knowing someone is watching them, they get paid god bloody money for what they do. It is after all just a job to them.

Wouldn't bother me a bf watching porn, have been known to watch some myself in my younger years.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/02/2011 17:36

If it's exploitation, then it's exploitation of men also, not just women. I don't subscribe to the idea; people do have choices they just don't always make good ones.

I'm not saying that I agree with the porn industry in general, I don't, but not because it's exploitative, I just can't understand why anybody wants to look at it.

altinkum · 24/02/2011 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Grandmasterpudge · 24/02/2011 17:43

Whilst I agree its exploitative, not ALL adult industry workers are trafficked/addicts/kids of addicts

you only have to watch girlsof the playboy mansion to realise some of these girls had alright lives and used there assets to their greatest advantage,

and why is no-one mentioning the exploited male porn performers? bar LyingWithintheWardrobe

OP posts:

linziluv · 24/02/2011 17:51

I honestly couldn't give a monkey's about men watching porn...men are visual creatures anyway so can understand the appeal...I would never feel insecure about it...I'm 100% sure a porn star ain't knocking on my DP's door!
As for finding DS's porn stash (he's not yet 3 so no concerns yet!), I'd personally be more worried if he didn't have a stash!
That's just my opinion anyway

FabbyChic · 24/02/2011 17:52

I actually know someone who does it for a living. And she certainly is not exploited. She earns thousands, all cash.

jazz412 · 24/02/2011 18:00

DP watches porn, doesn't bother me at all. I'm sure he's not going to be able to act upon his fantasies if he has any with them :D

Agree that if you see it as exploitative of women then it is also of men and it's their decision to go into that industry which is quite well paid or so I've heard.

secretdcaddict · 24/02/2011 18:10

If he is watching Porn then you should definatly have a talk or reconsider. Why does he need to look at naked women to turn him on. Would you ever behave like that. If he is watching Porn im my experiance there is no trust. Does it mean that if he see's someone at a club showing off her body with cheep outfits that will turn him on.

HeathcliffMoorland · 24/02/2011 18:12

YANBU.

FioFio · 24/02/2011 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

boobjob · 24/02/2011 18:16

It would piss me off if my boyfriend watched loads of porn but I don't think I would lose sleep over it. Not all porn stars are forced and most go in that industry becuase they love sex and they want the money.

PlentyOfParsnips · 24/02/2011 18:23

What was wrong with the last thread?

jazz412 · 24/02/2011 18:58

secretaddict - he may well get 'turned on' by someone in a club but that's exactly where there is trust because he wouldn't act upon it... I find other men attractive and wouldn't mind seeing them naked so I suppose I would 'behave' like that...;) but that certainly doesn't mean I'm going to run off or anything else with them.

I think if anyone is insecure enough to believe that if the other person is attracted to ANYONE else then they're untrustworthy then that's pants!

What about all of the women who have fantasised over a bit of george clooney - if they had the chance to see him naked what's the betting that 90% would have a gander?

It's not a problem to me.

Original poster

Grandmasterpudge · 24/02/2011 20:08

These women get very handsomely paid for being 'exploited' hardly the same as prostitiutes who are raped by punter who sometimes refuse to pay and beat them to a pulp, or pimps who take their money from them.

The directors can be scumbags and of course there are horror stories like every other line of work

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 25/02/2011 11:24

Yes. I used to think that - although oddly enough he was the one who didn't like porn because he found it exploitative )

But as I have learned more on mumsnet I have come to see that for every woman who has made a career choice and loves having sex on camera, there are 20 who are forced / coerced into it and who wouldn't be doing it if they weren't vulnerable or didn't have a drug habit or hadn't been abused etc etc

And that once they're doing it, for every one who does only and exactly what she wants to do, there are 20 who are forced to do things that they don't want to do.

And then there is the even more dangerous 'underground' stuff, where women are actually hurt. and that's all part of the same industry.

And I can't, when watching it, determine if the woman I am watching has sought out the career and is in charge of what she's doing and loves it, or has a drug habit and is being coerced into it or is a victim in a hundred other ways. I just can't tell. So I can't say well, I will only watch that porn because those people are happy and in control but I won't watch that porn because the women in that have a drug habit and are also being yelled at and bullied, or are basically kidnapped and forced into it. Because I have no way of knowing why or how the person I am watching has come to be doing what they're doing, I am not going to watch any of it.

Yes, I used to find porn a turn on. I'll be honest. But now, all I can think about is I wonder why that woman is there. It's impossible to find it a turn on when you are worrying whether or not the woman being 'spitroasted' rather violently is in charge of the experience or not.

Toygirl · 25/02/2011 11:29

Doesn't bother me either. I have watched porn as well but find that as I get older I am not into it as much. We have a few 'for couples' porn DVDs that we have still to watch. I also agree that if the women are getting exploited then the men must be also.

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