to think my friend is being rather hypocritical?

[LoveHoney]

This has taken me rather by surprise, so I am prepared to be told IABU, or at least a little irrational!

Background- my friend who is the same age as me(lets call her Lucy) has always been very sweet and naive to the point of being prudish, which she herself fully acknowledges and it is almost her 'thing' if that makes sense. At drunken parties when the conversation gets a bit flirty or there is any innuendo about sex she will say things like 'ooh you know how sweet and innocent I am, I dont want to hear about any of that!" and when she has heard things about other people's sex lives (nothing wild- things I would call which I would call ordinary- eg having sex downstairs, sending sexy texts to one's husband,having sex more than once a week) she has been shocked and even on occasion seemed repulsed (when she found out a mutual friend usesd a vibrator).

Her stance on this I would say has affected our closeness of friendship as I haven't been able to be as open with her as I would have liked. DH and I are TTC at the moment and we are tryign to be more experimental sex-wise to avoid the sense of obligation that can come with TTC, but I haven't been able to talk to this friend about this. Which is fair enough, thats who she is, etc etc, I don't judge her for this, its who she is.

Anyway, last night we had a girls night round mine with 2 other women with a few and a propos of nothing (the conversation up to then had been fairly mundane), she tells the group that she had made a home sex tape! Cue all round (understandable I think given the background)and her then refusing to say anymore. So I don't even know if it was with her DH or with a previous partner, recently or years ago.

I am not at all taking issue with the fact that she made a sex tape- not my business at all and if anyhting Im pleased for her if shes spicing things up BUT AIBU to feel a bit now I know this, given i have always felt like she was completely judging my sex life for being 'wild', even though i have never done anyhting like make a sex tape!?

I'd just have had a good laugh, and said, good on you, didn't think you had it in you!

you don't know if she was forced into it.

It's always the quiet ones

I'd just be laughing inwardly and pressing for details.

I reckon she is a wanton hussy of the first order and probably has some sort of S&M dungeon in her cellar. But thats up to her - if she doesn't want to discuss personal stuff or listen to personal stuff that is also up to her. Im very open about my sex life but some of my friends are less so, why would that affect my friendship?

Erm, well I think if she had been forced into in Dred, then she either wouldn't have brought it up at all, or it would have been very clear to the OP and friends that she seemed sad/frightened when telling them about it. As it stands, 'she said that she had made a home sex tape' doesn't really indicate that this might have been the case.

What an odd thing to say!

DId she tell you when? no, it appears not since you don't know which partner.

Being kind, you could assume that this was recent event, which would signify her broadening horizons - if she CONTINUES to protest her sweet innocence and naivety now, THEN you can say she's being hypocritical.

But not yet.

Thumbwitch those are wise words- without knowing when it was its impossible to form an opinion yet.

Dred- I absolutely did not get the impression she was forced into it. it was said in a sort of 'showing off' way if anyhting.

Sunshine as I said in my OP I have no problem at all with her being shy about things, as you say each to their own, some are more open thatn others BUT I have felt on several occasions that she has 'judged' myself and others for having active/enjoyable sex lives whereas she has liked to play the martyr.

She could be lying in an attempt to keep up with the rest of you.

What curly said.

She may be getting fed up of her prudish image or she may have had a few too many, said the truth then wish she hadn't. I know I open my gob a bit too much when I've had a few.

I would have been questioning her in that specific situation, , but then I am known among my friends for my total bluntness.

Or she could be trying to "venture out there" and liven things up a bit. Maybe this is the first foray into a new her and she will gradually become more open and able to discuss things with you.

I don't discuss my (currently non existent) sex life with anyone, although I will experiment in the bedroom. To me although I'm willing to try most things at least once I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing it (the exception being my dp/dh), with the possible exception of having had a few drinks.

However, I wouldn't portray myself as a prude either and would quite happily discuss someone else's sex life if they wanted to.