or just sleep deprived and mean to DH?

[pommedeterre]

DD has had a d and v bug since Monday/Tuesday. Last week she had a streaming cold. Sleeping has been crap. I do all the wakings and end up sleeping in the spare bed as it is nearer her and shut out door so dh can get as much sleep as possible through the noise. I feel awful. I have also missed 2 work days so far (do 2 a week) and think I will be missing tomorrow too.
I feel rubbish on no sleep, frustrated about missing work and worried about dd.
DH is also not sleeping as normal and is worried about dd.
This morning after wakings at 11, 12, 1, 3.30 (to change shitty nappy) and 5.30 I could have cried when I heard him waking her at 7.30 (as we normally do). He got her totally up, curtains open and took her temp which was still high. He then gives her to me (as normal - fine when sleep okay) to change nappy etc.
I was really snappy with him for getting her up as I think both dd and I would have benefited from more sleep. Then in response to my slight moan about having to miss work again suggested I could do bits from home. Seriously, who manages that?! I was only after a bit of sympathy for god's sake.
Feel annoyed and misunderstood. Not sure whether to email him setting out why or just leave it and assume I just need more sleep.

He was a bit thoughtless - horrible times, but she will be better soon. Should have let her sleep but i guess he just didnt't think, men are good at that!

I would just let it go - don't send an email, it wont achieve anything other than cause an argument.

Put it down to tiredness and try and get some naps in today if DD does have a sleep (easier said than done i know)

So you are doing everything in your power to make sure your dh gets a decent sleep? And he hasn't the common sense to leave a sleeping, ill child be?

I'd be bloody grumpy too. Just have a gentle chat with him and tell him to let her sleep in when she's not well. She'll need sleep to help her get better.

Hope she's well and you are all sleeping properly soon. x

YANBU. To be fair, it sounds as though your DH wouldn't have known that you and DD had a bad night if he was sleeping in a different room, so can't really blame him for getting her up. But why can't he have a day off work to look after her, and maybe do night duties to let you get some rest (unless you are bf'ing her?)

I would say definitely DON'T email him though - things never end well once emails/texts/facebook etc are used! Could you give him a call at lunchtime, or maybe have a chat to explain how you feel when he gets home from work?

Hmm. The work thing is a bit of a sore point too I guess. Maybe because actually I'm so envious sometimes of him being able to carry on his career! He did weakly volunteer on weds but then something came up and it was just easier all round for me to have it off in the end.He has also been taking on a lot of extra work over the last 6 months without even asking for extra cash which is driving me up the wall. That's probably another threa though.
Thanks all, will hold off the desire to do a ranty shouty email :)

i don't think it was done maliciously.

Maybe when DD is better and you are both a little less sleep deprived, you could have a sit down and talk about the work thing? I think its natural for a lot of women to be envious sometimes if you choose to either go part-time at work, or be a SAHM, even if you love being at home with DC. Sometimes this just needs to be acknowledged!

Acknowledged in the relationship I mean, otherwise it can be become a bit of an elephant in the room, that tends to rear its trunk during times when you feel particularly sleep deprived/covered in poo etc etc!

I think it's undertsandableon both counts..you are allowed grumpiness and he is allowed to worry about and check on dd...if she is very small it is wise to check her temp regularly.

But, he knew she had been ill, so why not let her sleep?

Why are women expected to have the sense to do this, but not men?

Why are women expected to have the sense to do this, but not men?

Exactly! If I hadnt known whether she had been up all night then I would have checked! Yet another example of "he's only a man" excuse making.

I would be mad too, and I would insist that he take tomorrow off, you have already missed the equivelant of a week off work, so its time he stepped up and did his share. Dont ask because he will find a reason why he cant. Tell him that you are going to work tomorrow so he needs to a)ring in to let them know he wont be there and b) do all the night wakings tonight so you can get some sleep.

can see why he's not giving out sympathy if you're snapping at him. just seems like a crappy tired morning.

It might be an idea to spell out to him a) exactly how fed up and frazzled you are and b) the need for a change in your DD's routine (ie not waking her) until she's better. Then ask him to take a day off to look after her, on a day when you're home anyway, so you can rest up and catch up on sleep. If you've been doing all the night waking so as to make sure he gets enough sleep, then this is entirely reasonable.

But don't send him a grumpy email. You're much more likely to be able to agree a solution to the real problem - ie you not getting enough sleep - if he's not feeling aggrieved after receiving cross messages from you at work.

I would send an email. Not a shouty, ranty one though. Start off by apologising for snapping and then explain why. Explain how the sleep deprivation feels, explain the resentment at having to take another day off work and explain that you need kindness when he returns home from work.