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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just ungrateful?

26 replies

ungratefulwench · 23/02/2011 14:36

I know I am really but if someone feels like agreeing with me, that would be nice Grin.

I have a biggish birthday coming up and dp asked what I wanted to do. After 3 years of pregnancies, bfing and sleepless nights all I want is 1 night away with dp. So I can have a glass or 2 of wine, no rushing back to the babysitter and a little lie-in on my actual birthday before going back to the dcs and having a big family lunch.

Dp said "ok where do you want to go?"
I say "back to that lovely b&b in quaint little town with the cosy restaurant around the corner, that we went to for 3 yrs running before we had dc"
Dp "are you sure? Ok, I'll book it tommorrow"
Me "great! thank you!"

Dp came home last night and said "oh I've booked a completely different hotel, outside of quaint little town so will have to drive/get taxi to restaurant"
Me "oh. was the b&b booked then?"
Dp "No."

Am I being completely ungrateful? The hotel he has booked has a spa, pool etc but is not the b&b I wanted. I had it all planned out in my mind for walk along the river, can walk to bar and restaurant from hotel so no waiting around for taxis etc and a little trip down memory lane for us both.

I am, I know I am but why ask what I want then book something else?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 23/02/2011 14:38

Did you ask him why?

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2011 14:38

quick - as him if he can cancel
YANBU
(well maybe a tiny bit but so would I)

Plumm · 23/02/2011 14:39

I'm sure he just wants you to have a nice spa treatment, swim, etc. Would he be hurt if you asked him to book the B&B instead?

CameronCook · 23/02/2011 14:40

YANBU - if he'd booked it as a surprise without asking then YWBU but he asked, you answered and then he booked something different.

CameronCook · 23/02/2011 14:40

SPB is right see if he can change it

MorticiaAddams · 23/02/2011 14:41

YANBU especially as you were so specific but it does sound as though he thought he as giving you more than you asked for. If it's a big hotel then it could well be refundable.

Claz1001 · 23/02/2011 14:41

YANBU. I would feel the same, he's missing the point. I'm sure his heart's in the right place though, just that men don't always get it! I'm being horribly sexist, of course.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/02/2011 14:42

ask him. It's really quite simple. "Why didn't you book the b&b?"

mmsmum · 23/02/2011 14:43

Depends why he did it. Maybe he thought the hotel was better with the pool and stuff so he was trying to do the right thing. Either you can ask him to change to the b&b or just go to the hotel. Personally, I would go to the hotel

Original poster
ungratefulwench · 23/02/2011 14:43

I did sort of ask while trying to hide my disappointment and he thought it looked nice. I know he was trying to treat me as a spa hotel is not his thing.

Thanks stealth, just trying to find the words without making his effort seem like nothing iyswim?
He could of just rang b&b and booked but he's put effort into finding somewhere else.

OP posts:
Plumm · 23/02/2011 14:47

Tell him you wanted the B&B because you want to spend time with him, not away from him having treatments, etc.

Original poster
ungratefulwench · 23/02/2011 14:48

I really don't want to make him feel like i don't appreciate the effort he went to to find it and he has picked something I would normally love but its not what I asked for. He looked so pleased with himself for finding it and how much I'll like it there that I really don't know if I have the heart to tell him!

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/02/2011 15:06

Well then, instead of feeling disappointed because you were trying to recreate the past, why not enjoy this trip for what it is today? The b&b was fun 'prekids' and going back to it would have been a trip down memory lane, but look forwards not backwards and enjoy the peaceful spa treat.

For all you know, you could have totally romantisised the b&b, or it could have changed hands and gone downhill, or anything.

Just enjoy the pampering and the break. You can still walk along the river, you can look at the b&b, you can go to the restaurant, but you are also bringing in something new.

And the most important thing of all is that it's about the 2 of you together.

The b&b wasn't what was lovely. What was lovely was you and him, together. The b&b was just a building.

squeakytoy · 23/02/2011 15:08

Supposing it is pissing it down with rain? Will you still want to wander by a babbling brook, and plough your way through the mud... at least the hotel will have the spa and other things to do, and you can still go to the places you would like to see.

balloonballs · 23/02/2011 15:14

Agree, go enjoy the spa and the time together! Next time make the booking yourself but for this time go with the flow.

I'd be pissed off as well by the way but hopefully would swallow it and enjoy the weekend.

Original poster
ungratefulwench · 23/02/2011 15:15

Hecate and squeaky that is how I'm trying to look at it and I know I'm being a bitch but I just get this sinking feeling when I think about it now.

I just wanted something that was excactly what I asked for this one time. Dp has a little form for trying but completely missing the point so when he asked if I was sure thats what I want, I thought it was because he'd finally gotten it right!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/02/2011 15:17

You may have got to the B & B, it could have changed hands or just be grotty now, some things never live up to your memory of them.. look on the positive side.

:)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 23/02/2011 15:24

YANBU & you are certainly not being a bitch.

I would call the B&B to see if they have any rooms available (no point in upsetting the apple cart if they don't) - if they do, I would tell him that whilst you really appreciate the extra effort he has gone to, that part of what you want is the trip down memory lane and only the B&B will do that.

If it's a chain of hotels I'm sure they'll, at the very least, 'bank' your night for a night somewhere else later - especially if he tells them what has happened. If not, you might just need to book another weekend (oh what a shame!! :) )

balloonballs · 23/02/2011 15:26

Don't think your being a bitch at all!!!

What's the point in him asking if he's going to do something else?

But...... let it go and enjoy the spa.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/02/2011 15:28

You are not being a bitch. You really aren't. But you are focusing on the wrong thing.

It doesn't matter where you stay. The point is it's the two of you together.

If this is sympomatic of a bigger problem about how he treats you - not listening etc, then that's something you need to discuss with him.

Original poster
ungratefulwench · 23/02/2011 15:36

I know,thanks for the posts, Im just wallowing. I'll snap out of it by tommorrow Grin.

It's not that he treats me badly but thinks if I as for X then I'll be really happy if he does xyz (housework is exempt though! Grin).
We don't get to go out very often as we struggle for babysitters so last birthday I said I'd like to go out for a meal for some time together so he thought I'd really love it if some friends also came as I had said I'd not seen some people for a while.
It was lovely to see them all, but again, it was not excactly what I'd said!

OP posts:
GORGEOUSX · 23/02/2011 15:36

OP He has obviously booked the hotel because he thinks you will enjoy the spa and wants you to have a bit of luxury rather than a B&B.

I'm sure he'll be thrilled to bits to hear that you'd rather stay in a (cheaper) B&B and next time you're celebrating, no doubt, you'll get your wish.

GORGEOUSX · 23/02/2011 15:39

Would just like to add that I could write down a list of very simple instructions for DH and he would still get it wrong - it's a MAN thing.Grin

HecateQueenOfWitches · 23/02/2011 15:39

sounds like he tends to take what you've suggested as the starting point and come up with something 'even better'. Sounds like it comes from a pov of loving you and wanting to treat you to something even better than you've asked for. iyswim.

What you need to do is to let him know that sometimes, what you suggest is exactly what you want.

Or book it yourself.

It doesn't always have to be him booking it for you.

Book the b&b, book the meal...

Pancakeflipper · 23/02/2011 15:43

I think he's done it with the best of intentions.

Can you not go and enjoy. And you book the B&B for his birthday?