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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know where my son is?

15 replies

OTTMummA · 22/02/2011 14:37

DS is our only child, he is 3 and we both work, DH full time, me 3 days a week.

Mil often picks up DS from Nursery to see him for a few hours after her work, a few times a week.
I have no problem with this at all, and don't even complain when he comes home filled to the brim with cake and sweets and won't eat dinner.
I think it is nice for him to be spolied by granny every now and then.

BUT! 3 times in the last fortnight i have gone to pick up DS from nursery as i finished early and he hasn't been there.
Turns out MIL phones DH and asks if she can pick him up, and bring him back to ours later.
After each time i have had words with DH about letting me know and that i should be at least told before it happens if not to ask me if it is ok.
But it keeps on happening.
WTF can i say to DH or MIL to let them know that this is not on at all.

DH just doesn't seem to get it at all! when i ask him why he doesn't call me he just shrugs and says 'i forgot'. Hmm
and asks why i need to know, he is safe with MIL and has fun etc.

It really is getting to me, i had serious anxiety issues about DS and letting others care for him, and it has taken a lot of work for me to go back to the workplace and not be a gibbering reck about leaving DS.
I feel like they are undermining me and not listening.
AIBU for wanting to know where DS is during the day?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
OTTMummA · 22/02/2011 14:37

wreck*

OP posts:
Hullygully · 22/02/2011 14:38

I think that is really a bit peculiar.

Tell MIL she needs to phone you, not dh.

tethersend · 22/02/2011 14:39

YANBU- can you ask MIL to call you instead of DH?

makemineapinot · 22/02/2011 14:39

Could you speak to your mil and explain that your DH keeps forgetting to tell you when she's picking up your ds and that you feel a bit of an idiot going to nursery to collect a child who isn't there? Then ask MIL to phone you when she wants to pick up your ds. Might be worth a try!

tethersend · 22/02/2011 14:39

xpost hully

Lawm01 · 22/02/2011 14:41

well, if you are happy for MIL to pick up DS from nursery and spend some time with her, it doesn't sound like she and DH are trying to undermine you. More that they are being unthinking in the consequences of you not knowing when she has done this.
Surely you could say to MIL "DH is being a right numpty lately - keeps forgetting to tell me if you've arranged to pick up DS. Causes me hassle because I go to nursery for pick up needlessly, instead I could take advantage of you looking after DS by going straight home after work and doing some chores/putting my feet up with a cuppa. Aren't men thoughtless?!" Then suggest she makes the pick up arrangement directly with you to avoid this 'mix-up'.
No need for it to become a battle, all parties seem to be happy when MIL collects DS, just make the comms work better!

manicbmc · 22/02/2011 14:42

What makemineapinot said. If they still don't understand why you need to know then tell the mil she's not welcome to pick your dc up any more and let nursery know.

Lawm01 · 22/02/2011 14:43

Oh, I'm still trying to get the hang of this MN lark! Others have said exactly what I did, but far more succinctly, so therefore got their message in first and I look like a sheep!

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 14:44
mousymouse · 22/02/2011 14:46

I agree with the others, she needs to tell you that she will pick him um. just tell her that.
next drastic step would be to tell the nursery not to let her pick him up unless you tell them it*s ok...

BringOnTheGoat · 22/02/2011 14:47

WWYD? I would ask MIL to call me only as it casues me stress. If she refused or ignored this, I'd tell nursery not to let anyone except me collect DS as it is causing me anxiety.

Your DH is being a twunt about it. If you are anxious, he should support you.

BringOnTheGoat · 22/02/2011 14:48

Oh and I'd show him this thread Smile

mousymouse · 22/02/2011 14:48

law you are so diplomatic :)

happyfairy · 22/02/2011 16:26

my mil tried this - took him out of nursery turned her phone off and i had no idea where dc was - simple soloution i told the nursery i didnt want ANYONE taking dc out without my explicit permission - nursery were v good to be fair as i dont think i was the only one with this problem so when mil was arranged to pick up i was given a password to give to mil to let tdc out iyswim - a random word for that paticular day and also sign in sheets were brought in to fill in who was dropping off/picking up that day so if someone else turned up nursery phoned to check it was ok for the person to take the dc

i saw another granny turn up once and the staff ringing the mother to check it was ok to relese the child

mind you she tried turning up at dc's new nursery a few weeks ago earlier than pick up time without phoning me and found it was all locked up and the janitor had to tell her it was the holidays and the place was closed for the week lol she never mentioned it to me but her sister told me :o

saffy85 · 22/02/2011 17:02

YANBU. As your DH "forgets" (it beggers belief how someone could forget something quite as important as this) I'd insist MIL ring you and not him especially as it is you who picks your child up from nursery.

I'd personally be livid in this situation and if it kept happening (which lets face it, is undermining you) I'd simply make sure MIL wasn't allowed to leave nursery with him at all.

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