...to really, really not want to eat my MILs dinner?

[Galdem]

She is making some sort of steamed salmon thing. It has been on the hob for about two hours. The broccoli/green beans have been boiling for an hour. AN HOUR. It smells like school dinners.

I know I have to be polite/grateful and eat it. She is just trying to be nice. But I feel so, so, so sick at the thought of eating it. Could I feign sudden sickness?

Ah, you are eating it right now aren't you?

Enjoying every tasteless, soggy/rubbery mouthful.
The slopping at the back of your throat.

If the salmon has been steamed for a few hours, it should nicely resemble a piece of pale pink rubber by now!

So, was it tender and yummy?

I'm off to peel spuds to make some creamy mash to go with the afore mentioned casserole.

Do what we did as kids....stuff your mouth full..go to the loo and spit it out.

We found my granny's battered and much loved cookery book after she died. Carrots had to be boiled for 50 minutes. Asparagus for 20 minutes. It explained a lot.

Our tactic was to arrive early while she was still in early cooking stages and not at all ready and then lock her out of the kitchen

My MIL used t boil veg for hours, or she would cook hours in advance and bung everything into the low oven of her AGA.

Whenever I cooked for her she would refer to my cooking as 'nouvelle cuisine ... you know, when you don't bother to cook things properly'

She hated cooking - even after 20 years DH thinks my cooking is much better than it is because of his previous expereinces of home cooking

Her mash was very nice, actually . I hid the rest under a paper napkin and chucked it out when clearing away without her noticing. It was stressful, though. At one point my DS said 'Mummy, why aren't you having seconds? You usually love salmon'. I could have kicked the little beggar under the table for that one

I like your idea@TattyDevine My MIL is the first to tell me that my food needs more salt/spice/flavour, my meat isn't well done enough/my rice is overcooked / how can I eat cold food for dinner? etc etc. She never holds back. At Christmas lunch, which i slaved over all morning, she cut up an AVOCADO and said she needed something salady with her meal and was surprised I hadn't prepared anything . Avocado with gravy and stuffing...yum

And I don't feel in the least bit bad for 'bitching' about her. She stays for weeks and weeks on end in my house and we all bend over backwards to accomodate her every whim. MN is the only place I can come and let off steam.

Broccoli boiled for ONE HOUR. Fish cooked for TWO HOURS on the hob. Come on, be reasonable

you're a brave woman to have sat through that one. hats off to you!

Have a

My MIL is a fantastic cook but can be abit clueless. I was 7 months pregnant with my PFB and she served up this delicious home made cheese cake. Was half way through it when the raw eggs thing occurred to me. Asked her if it had raw eggs in "no" she said "but it has eggs in that are not cooked". Right...so had to sit there and watch everyone else trough it down.

You're at my MIL! veg goes in the steamer about the same time as meat goes on. Cauliflower cheese is frozen cauli which is then boiled to within an inch if it's life and then has grated cheese put on top and is cooked again for about 20 mins! Yummy (NOT!).

I always get comments along the lines of "are you not hungry Chou? You've not eaten much"

My MIL rarely cooks as her DH does it all but was staying at her house once and she cooked breakfast. She didn't have enough of beans or spagetti to do everyone so mixed it together. When she bought it in I nearly gagged as I can't stand that. DH comes from the same school of tact and diplomacy I do and took the right piss out of her however, I still had to eat it yuk!!! It's making me feel sick just thinking about it!
I also can not eat cheese which my DH told them and the first time I met them they said 'oh DH told us you don't eat cheese so we got some pizza's in for you' I just went but there is cheese on pizza in a most puzzled way...they really can be that stupid.

Thank fuck for the mash!

You are a brave woman. Def calls for a or eight two.

My MIL once invited us to lunch and said we would be having baked potatoes, sounded lovely - and I wondered what we would be having with them.....I neednt have wondered - we turned up and she had blasted these small salad type potatoes in the microwave, the skin was so crinkled there was hardly any potato left inside them, and no - we didnt get a filling either, delicious!!!!!!

zukiecat, you've just reminded me of one of mil's specials that she swears everyone loves (and yet nobody ever has seconds and if anything else is on offer that will all go first before the wretched pie is started on).

she makes a vile pile that we call dogfood pie - seems to be chicken (alledgedly) in a soppy mess at the bottom including the veg - precooked and added so very mushy - then a layer of liver pate. which is actually the cheapest liver sausage stuff she can find, the pastry on top.

It was always going to be a bad one for me as I loathe offal and hate pastry, plus think veg cooked in stews/casseroles/pie fillings etc are vile (unless onions or mushrooms) but it just smells of dogfood. horrid. and the whole house then smells of it, making it difficult to stomach anything else on offer.

Rest of her food isn't great but it's possible to down a few mouthfuls without feeling sick. Not this though!

She still claims it is everybody's favourite meal that she makes even when I point out that I don't like anybody's pies

Sounds like my MIL - a once reasonable cook but ability is diminishing with age. Usually all veg have been bought frozen or those pre prepared ones from Marks. All way over cooked in the microwave and because she does about 20 veg and various trimmings with the meal it is all cold. Roasties (frozen) are deep fried and the meat will have been overcooked the day before and warmed up so is like eating shoes!

BUT she always buys nice puds from M&S; she thinks I have a sweet tooth - I don't really but pud is often the only edible part of the meal!

My Grandmother is similar. She does make very nice boiled or mashed potatoes, but she always cooks her meat until it's dreadfully overdone.

She once boiled sirloin steak (it has to be sirloin, she thinks it's 'posher'!) for an hour in a sauce she was making. It was like trying ot eat the sole of your shoe, hideous.

Oh, and she makes cheesecake using packet jelly!

My MIL has a special way with rice. She boils the water in the pan, throws in the rice then switches the ring off. Leaves rice sitting for 10 minutes and serves. Mmmmmm, crunchy.

My Mum has a thing for Fray Bentos pies .

Milnigavie, I'd give one of DDs kidneys for a beef and mushroom fray bentos.
My dead MiL knew I didn't eat meat but gammon isn't really meat is it kreech?

DH can't understand my aversion to Fray Bentos pies. I think anything you need to smother in HP sauce just to swallow it, isn't worth having!

My Mum overcooks veg too - I think her generation didn't know about vitamins! It can be hard to tell which are the peas and which are the sweeetcorn.....

Once at her house she served us a roast dinner - lovely chicken and roast potatoes, although unfortunately she put the veg on when she part-boiled the potatoes!!

She was dishing out sweetcorn when she laughed and said she had overdone the veg a bit....I was so relieved at this (albeit late) recognition of her cooking skills that I laughed and said 'Yes, it is a bit overcooked isn't it' only to get a deathstare in return.....then she icily replied that she had meant she cooked too much of it......oops

Didn't stop her doing it next time though!