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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think being female isn't an insult

52 replies

poxoxo · 21/02/2011 14:27

I was with my brother and sister yesterday and my brother was complaining about a gash he got on his arm from football. My sister then said oh don't be such a girl. AIBU to hate the way that being female is sometimes used an insult

OP posts:
Heroine · 21/02/2011 19:09

Oh stop being such old women...

Heroine · 21/02/2011 19:09

I hate that when it is applued to men complaining..

Teenybitsad · 21/02/2011 19:16

I just do it back...."Little man" "Big Man" both can be used insults depending on the tone of voice.

kaid100 · 21/02/2011 23:14

Calling a woman "mannish" is also an insult, so it goes both ways.

Snorbs · 21/02/2011 23:56

Telling a boy he's acting like a girl if he's reticent about something doesn't sit well with me. It seems to reinforce the stereotype that only girls get frightened and only boys are brave. Sod that. I don't think that's a healthy message to send to either sex.

I do jokingly call my DS a wuss if required but I do exactly the same to my DD too and "wuss" seems genderless to me.

BadaBingBang · 22/02/2011 01:54

YANBU. Sexism and racism is often dressed up as a joke, but it isn't a joke. It implies that there is something wrong with being a woman or girl.

Chil1234 · 22/02/2011 07:54

YANBU but it's the pecking order of insults that you go with the next weakest in the foodchain... Men call other men 'old women' or 'gay'. Women and gay men go for the animal kingdom and call each other 'bitches', 'cows', and 'mares'. And if we could understand dog-speak they probably go around insulting each other with 'honestly Fido... you're such a big cat's collar!!!'

SunshineisSorry · 22/02/2011 08:07

If ever my DP is moaning about a difficult client, if it is the man being difficult, he will say "oh, he's more of a woman than his wife" Hmm

SunshineisSorry · 22/02/2011 08:09

Chil, i think that has been a bit of a change though - it seems a common insult to call someone a "cock" lately. I will often say to DP oh, you are such a "man" or thats because you are a man.

Bluegrass · 22/02/2011 08:25

The insult comes from the implication that the man is transgressing gender stereotypes, which society says we should all adhere to, not an inherent problem with women. It is all about context, I've seen paternalistic used as an insult on here, but does that mean there is something wrong with being a father?

porpoisefull · 22/02/2011 08:36

YANBU - "You're such a girl" applied to a man or boy being scared of something or complaining about an injury means "Girls (or adult women who are also described as 'girls') are weak and feeble, boys and men are expected to be strong and brave." It's as simple as that - a view of gender roles that could come straight out of the Famous Five books. Pisses me off too.

steviesmith · 22/02/2011 08:43

I'm ashamed to say I nearly did this the other day. DS asked me what soppy meant and the first word that came to mind was girly. I'd consider myself a feminist so it's quite frightening how entrenched language is.

Bluegrass · 22/02/2011 09:35

Doesn't accusing someone of being a "typical man" achieve the same ends (ie depending on the pejorative context - thoughtless, emotionally constipated etc etc).

It relies on gender stereotyping certainly, there are pretty deep-seated ideas that it is transgressive to behave in a way that is associated with the opposite gender. Boys (and men) have less freedom to adopt "feminine" behaviours and so the "insult" caused by accusing them of this carries greater weight. A "laddish" girl raises fewer eyebrows than a boy who squeals, jumps up and down or flaps his hand in front of his face when he is excited. The girly behaviour is seen as far more worrying and likely to cause comment (by both genders). A strange world we live in.

Chil1234 · 22/02/2011 10:23

@Sunshineissorry... agreed, body-parts are a perennial favourite to describe someone behaving like an idiot. Interestingly, describe a man as 'an old dog' or 'bull-like' and he could be pleased about it. Describe a woman as a 'bitch' or a 'cow' and she's not going see it as positive. Male and female animals carry through the same gender bias as human beings, it seems!

Snorbs · 22/02/2011 10:26

Although describing a woman as "a fox" could be a compliment. The English language is a funny old thing, isn't it?

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 10:29

Bit surprised that no-one has questioned chil's "natural law" idea - the statement that women are "lower down the food chain" than men and in the "natural order of things" women fall below men but above animals (woohoo Hmm).

Personally I do not think that men are superior to women.

FlamingOBingo · 22/02/2011 10:39

YANBU It's horrible and anyone who says 'chill out' about it is not thinking very clearly about it. I would imagine the same people would be horrified to hear someone say 'oh, don't be such a paki' if they were behaving in a stereotypically Asian way. How come casual racism is so unacceptable but casual sexism is ok?

And ROFPMSL at the idea that we have acheived gender equality in our culture! Open your eyes! We are so far from being equal - yes we've come a long way, but we still have so, so far yet to go before women are equal to men.

theresapotatoundermysink · 22/02/2011 10:46

YABU. Agree with Kaid. You can equally call a girl a 'Man' as an insult.

FlamingOBingo · 22/02/2011 10:50

But in what way is it insulting, thersapotato? By calling someone a girl, you are saying they are like girls...who, by implication, must be wimpy, tearful, crap at throwing, crap at maths/science/engineering, pathetic etc.

Chil1234 · 22/02/2011 10:51

I don't necessarily agree with the concept of women being lower down the food chain, as I put it... it's just an observation as to why insults break down as they do linguistically.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 22/02/2011 12:41

I call DP a "massive woman" as a joke when he's being a wuss. But I don't think it's appropriate to use the same kind of language with a child, especially when you're not joking around and are actually making them feel bad. It paves the way for nasty views on gender roles in the future.

bigbeagleeyes · 22/02/2011 12:45

What about man flu? Would people be ok with using that?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/02/2011 12:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I think you're being over-sensitive. Some of the examples given are really puerile, of course they are, but they don't actually mean anything but there will always be people who will be offended by phrases like that.

If it really bothers you, OP, say something to the person who says it, you don't need other people to validate whether you should be insulted by it.

olderandwider · 22/02/2011 12:53

I do like the expression "you big girl's blouse", said with a broad Yorkshire accent Grin.

I think context is all. I would not like a little boy to be called a girl as an insult as it simply creates the idea in his mind that showing emotion is bad because it makes you look girlish. Two unhealthy messages in one little word. Awful.

Banter amongst equals who can give as good as they get, not so bothered tbh.

ARepleteHmmSkiNun · 23/02/2011 14:53

Yeah and what annoys me is when a man does something and a woman says you are such a little boy (cf Jeremy Clarkson) and when a woman does something and is told she is girly and and and when a little boy is described as like a dog as he needs lots of walks and running about and and and and..... when love is described as being like a red rose and and

SIMILES SHOULD BE BANNED. I believe the last government were working on such a policy document when they lost the election.

What is beyond the simile by the way? What does being "a big girl" mean? and why? and is it true? or not?