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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that sharing conjunctivitis is totally unacceptable?

40 replies

lallyp · 21/02/2011 09:19

My best friends DD has full blown conjunctivitis and just made an appearance at a gathering with 10 other little kids and their parents. I explained how infectious it is, how easily it passes from child to child and how horrible it is for most children when they get it and that when my son got it he was very sick and would wake up screaming because his eyes were glued together but she did nothing and just let her DD play as normal.

Immediately after I spoke with her she spoke with another mum in german (their shared 1st language) and were both laughing and I am pretty sure it was about what I had been saying.

I feel really angry and sad. Am I the crazy one? Voices of reason please!
AIBU?

OP posts:

atthecarwash · 21/02/2011 09:26

I'm with you.

I was in a similar situation at a playgroup and luckily a few of us explained how wrong it was for her child to be there with other children and the she left.....she said she hadn't realised and anyway she was fine about it and came back the following week.

But I think parents whose kids have a cold or any other bug shouldn't be taking their kids out to meet up with others, it's soooo selfish.

It winds me up.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2011 09:28

a bit unreasonable really..

you cant keep a child isolated because of it, schools and nurserys allow children with it to attend..

southmum · 21/02/2011 09:31

I think YANBU in this situation if it was something like playgroup etc where it wasn't really essential for the kid to be there.

If it was nursery and the mum had to go to work then as long as the nursery takes kids (most do) with it then its not ideal but very understandable.

redpanda13 · 21/02/2011 09:34

When my DD was at nursery they were not alllowed to attend with conjunctivitis. This is normal policy in this area for a nursery.

LadyBiscuit · 21/02/2011 09:38

That's been my experience too redpanda. There is probably less chance of cross-infection with older children though I would think?

twilight3 · 21/02/2011 09:39

YANBU about the fact that she shouldn't have brought him.
YABU to lecture her, if you're concerned take your kid and leave. Yes, she's being selfish but this attitude doesn't go down well with anyone.

Original poster

lallyp · 21/02/2011 09:52

hi
twilight3 - i was just explaining - honestly. She is my friend and I just told her the truth about it. I wasn't ranting (then!)

squekytoy - why can't you keep a child isolated with it? its only for 10 days. Take them for a walk in the park, feed the ducks, watch dvds, play at home, anything. It can make other children really really unwell and turn the entire families lives in to a living hell for around 10 days (this is my experience of it). I totally understand if you have no choice and have to work they have to go to school/nurcery but just for a social? It just seems so selfish.

When my son got it he got it really badly and was very sick with a fever in the run up to getting it. I have just noticed green smeg in my 4 month old DDs eyes - brilliant.

OP posts:

MogadoredMemoo · 21/02/2011 09:53

Yanbu at all!

JentlyDoesIt · 21/02/2011 10:08

You are v much not BU. I have an eye condition (registered partially sighted) and am really susceptible to Conjunctivitis (am in fact at home with it today) - I get it to the point where the eye tissue gets infected and blood vessels in my eye socket tear. So if the child had been at the same party as my 2, I would have had to leave. It is hugely contagious and for me, quite dangerous. I know mine is an extreme reaction but if 1 of mine had it, I would keep them at home. Nursery have an exclusion policy for it as well.

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 21/02/2011 10:13

I took my DS (age 2.5) to an paediatric eye consultant at the Portland Hospital and asked in passing about conjuctivitis.

She said that it really is not has contagious as it is made out to be and that the usual nursery policy of making the kids stay at home was an over reaction.

This confirmed my experience that my DCs share towels / soft toys / muslins / everything and one seems to get conjuctivities now and again and the other never seems to catch it.

lazylula · 21/02/2011 10:15

10 days for conjunctivitis? I would probably keep mine away for a day or 2 but once treatment has commenced there is not the need to stay away. If I saw no improvement within 3 days I would be back at teh doctors, which actually did happen once when I was given ointment as it was supposed to be easier to use. Got drops instead and within 24 hrs symptoms had almost stopped!

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 10:34

Are you sure it is conjunctivitis?

I have a chronic eye condition that manifests like Cvitis but isnt contagious at all. I was asked to leave playgroup once because I had a flare up and some of the mothers didnt like it! I explained what the condition was and that although it looked awful, it wasnt contagious at all. But I then got cornered (literally) by 2 organisers who said I was selfish and unreasonable and was told to leave because the other mothers "didnt like the look of it" so we left and never went back.

What kills me is that one turned up few days later with some flowers for me and a "get well soon" card. To which I said "thank you but dont need a get well soon card as I am not ill." I think the woman that came round was embarrassed at how I had been treated, which she should as she was one of the women that cornered me, but I have still never gone back.

Be sure that he had what you think he had before kicking off!

Original poster

lallyp · 21/02/2011 11:08

Lazylula - 10 days = 5 days in each eye. Average time for recovery without antibiotics is 4.8 days. It is contagious as long as there is still discharge.

Bogeyface - 99.9% sure it is conjunctivitis. It is very unlikly that it is a chronic eye condition considering how common conjunctivitis is but i will let you know if she still has it in a few weeks time. My 4 month old DD had contact with the child a few days ago (the only child she has had contact with outside of family) and now has it. Conjunctivitis has a Gestation of 24 to 72 hours.

thesethingsaregoodtthings - the bacteria or virus that cause it are no more contagious than those of the common cold. It is the means of transmission that makes it worse. It makes your eyes itch so you rub them, its on your hands then on everything you touch.

Some kids don't get it bad, some just get a runny nose. Most get it horribly. I know my DS and DH certainly do.

with this knowledge surely we have a responsibility to each other to just keep it to ourselves and save other people from suffering it.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 11:14

The "few weeks" thing is irrelevant. I can have an attack that lasts a few days so to an outsider it looks like Conjunctivitis but isnt.

Also, it could be cultural if she is from another country where perhaps they dont take it as seriously as we do over here.

Strictly · 21/02/2011 11:14

Ds has it right now. I've cancelled all his playdates and activities for the next 3 days as I don't think it's right to risk spreading it to other children, espeically if they have baby siblings.

mrsSOAK · 21/02/2011 11:16

we were told by our nursery that in order for DD to attend she would have to have treatment and then she would be allowed back, took her to the gp and he said "Nope, not giving her anything; it will go away on its own. Its like giving antibiotics for a cough......." He then printed something off a website for me to give to the nursery manager which explained that as far as the public health agency are concerned there is no exclusion time for conjunctivitis. So we took DD back to nursery, explained to the manager and she contact her local authority who confirmed the doctors advise. The nursery manager was astounded as another child had been told the same thing, went off to the gp's and came back with drops. It seems there are differing opinions about conjunctivitis everywhere...

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 21/02/2011 11:17

It is no longer the recomendation that children should be off school nursery with conjunctivitis.

anonacfr · 21/02/2011 11:23

OK how do you know that it is conjunctivitis?
We've never had it in this household before.

DD (nearly 5) had a slightly itchy eye yesterday- by the night it had run- yellow discharge in the tear duct.
This morning however it has dried up and isn't running anymore. Her eyes are clear and un-itchy.
I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to get a doctor's appointment- should I bother?

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 11:25

Its probably like exclusion for nits. If it was insisted on, half a school would be off at any one time!

I can understand the OP being worried because of her families reaction to it. I get very very ill with Norovirus, far worse than the kids get with it, it must be my weak spot. DS's is an asthmatic reaction to coughs and he has been in hospital from it. But I have to accept that there is a good chance that at some point we will get those bugs again and have to deal with it.

I dont think expecting that anyone who has an itchy eye should lock themselves away for 10 days is reasonable!

anonacfr · 21/02/2011 11:43

Bump- I need a diagnostic!

Original poster

lallyp · 21/02/2011 11:46

Bogeyface - its not an itchy eye. The child with the conjunctivitis i am refering to has discharge seeping down her face and her eye is partly glued shut. Bringing a child with an itchy eye seeping discharge in to a social situation is knowingly transmitting it to other children. She will rub her eye, touch things and spread it. Why not just keep it to yourself? Is a few days not socialising really that traumatic?

Anonacfr - for the child I know who currently has it, my dd, my son and my husband it started with yellow discharge in the tear duct. Have a look at wikipedias information. It has all the latest info. It also explains how effective antibiotics are and the side effects they can cause. The vast majority of cases clear up on their own in less than 5 days. We aren't going to a doctor as it will just clear up on its own. Breast milk squirted in the eye is supposed to be a really good natural remedy if you have any available! I am trying this with my DD. Fingers crossed it works.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 11:49

Its possible Anonacfr, but as it has cleared up, I think your trip to the docs could be a waste of time as there is nothing for him to diagnose!

If it is true conjunctivitis then it is likely to last longer than overnight, it could well be just an irritation.

See how she goes with it, if it flares up again then go to the docs but I would be inclined to leave it for now.

NHS info might help :)

anonacfr · 21/02/2011 11:51

Thanks lallyp.
DD's eye ran a little bit last night but didn't glue her eye shut.
It now stopped running and just look a little crusty- like an excess of sleep.

It's not itchy and the eye itself is completely clear. As mentioned I was going to get a doctor's appointment but the symptoms seem to have cleared in basically about 12 hours.

solooovely · 21/02/2011 11:57

I don't understand how it can be not that contagious when every time one of my kids gets it the other one gets it soon after and then me and my husband. We find it really hard to get rid of because as soon as one of us is clear of it, it starts going around the family again. And yes we do all the basic hygeine stuff.

Lizbertnobacon · 21/02/2011 11:59

My dd has conjunctivitis last week and nursery said she was fine to go back as soon as she had the drops. I think a 10 day exclusion is a bit much! It cleared up after a day with the drops.

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