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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He is 80% great 20% arsehole

23 replies

chezza78 · 21/02/2011 00:26

Can I rant for a moment about my husband?

He usually does the last feed of the day 10-11pm ish and I get up roughly the next 3 times in the night when baby wakes up with wind/hungry/just for fun.

Anyway this evening he had fallen asleep by 10 so I did the last feed for him so that he could carry on sleeping. When I got back to bed he ranted at me and had a go telling me that I would make his life miserable tomorrow. I am now sat up downstairs writing this because I am too pissed off to sleep. Am I out of order to think that I was doing him a favour and that its a bit unfair to accuse me of doing something I haven't even done yet?

OP posts:

MrsShrekTheThird · 21/02/2011 00:30

ohhh, I have a 80% great - 20% arsehole man too. Just rant away, I'll be nodding along with you. Mine has had a similar rant that I left the dishwasher for him to do so that I could complain at him tomorrow [ehh???]
thing is, the other 80 percent is fine, so we just go ape at the insanity of the male species, and enjoy the other four fifths. Well they're blokes, they can't be perfect now can they

igetmorelovefromthecat · 21/02/2011 00:34

Having just split with DP, I can confirm that all men are twats, or at least have some twattish elements to them.

On the plus side, 80% is not a bad ratio.

freshmint · 21/02/2011 00:35

20% arsehole is too much, surely?
he ranted at you for feeding your baby and going to bed?

you deserve someone who treats you with some respect.

scottishmummy · 21/02/2011 00:40

dearie me the men are this & that stereotypes.conversely some women are gits too.

maybe the men some of you know are twats

dont generalise it to others

igetmorelovefromthecat · 21/02/2011 00:44

Yeah I'm a right twat. Never denied that.

treas · 21/02/2011 01:34

Well chezza78 your dh might have had a point if he were married to me - tonight I snapped at my own dh because he tried to load the dishwasher! Well he wasn't doing it the way I like it done.

anonymosity · 21/02/2011 03:42

do you normally speak to each other this way? If so you are definitely in trouble - either a split or years of unhappiness while you snipe.

If however, this rudeness is only down to excessive tiredness from having a new baby - have a chat about respect and boundaries and sort it out now, before it becomes common place.

ttalloo · 21/02/2011 06:00

The 80-20 ratio seems reasonable to me (like DH on a good day).

And the fact that your DH does the 10pm feed seems pretty amazing. My DH had to be browbeaten into doing it.

But your DH's outburst is out of order - unless you have form for making his life miserable if you do him a favour?

Original poster

chezza78 · 21/02/2011 14:56

I don't think I have form but he may beg to differ, I am sulking today and still waiting for an apology-very childish but ever so slightly enjoyable!

OP posts:

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 21/02/2011 14:59

one of my little mantras (especially relevant to my day today) is "You've gotta love the dork inside your man!"

Once that turns into "you've gotta love the man inside your dork" you've got some real issues.

ningthemerciless · 21/02/2011 15:12

Ooo mine's has the same ratio - he had a go at me in the park yesterday for not playing with our dog in a "constructive way" and then giving her a treat when she came back to me .

TiggyD · 21/02/2011 17:05

Dump him or STFU.

Nobody is perfect, not even you.

diddl · 21/02/2011 17:21

Well, he knows you, we don´t.

Does he have a point at all?

HHLimbo · 21/02/2011 18:01

this is what the 80:20 rule is about isnt it?

redrollers · 21/02/2011 18:03

well he was right wasn't he?!
if he meant you would sulk all day? you are!!

peeriebear · 21/02/2011 18:09

But she wouldn't be sulking if he hadn't had a go...
My DH is almost definitely less than 20% arsehole. I think the worst thing he does is lecture the children until they have forgotten his original point and they just want to smother him instead of heeding his important words
"DH, they're not listening, you could have made your point in 5 words"
In one ear and out the other!

AppleyEverAfter · 21/02/2011 18:14

I think a sharp elbow in the side at the 3am feed would have been appropriate here. He should be thankful he got away with the last feed. I am definitely the twat in our marriage, though.

redrollers · 21/02/2011 18:17

i think he knew she would sulk, he knows her, is that not what he meant?
FWIW, all a bit stupid and childish.

TheSecondComing · 21/02/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/02/2011 18:37

Hang on, she did something nice for him and he had a go at her! I think the OP is entitled to feel a little pissed off.

Go and wake the ungrateful fucker up, every time the baby disturbs your sleep tonight.

SunshineisSorry · 21/02/2011 18:51

Heres what i think - i think the DH behaved like a twat, but maybe, like the OP he is knackered, i know she does most of the waking up, as i used to as i breastfed but it still woke my DP up. There is nothing like being knackered to make you grumpy and unreasonable. In the scheme of things, its really not a big deal

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 22/02/2011 16:20

I hear you SecondComing & have a similar ratio with DP, with similar bludgeon instincts too

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/02/2011 16:24

80/20 is a bad ratio IMO.

It is more 97/3 in this house, and that is exasperating enough. He would never rant at me in advance of something he thought I might do though, I would be furious in your shoes.

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