To not want to move to Singapore?

[kday]

Hi,
I'm new here, and not even sure if I'm posting in the right place but it would be great to have any views you're willing to share.
My husband has a great opportunity to work in Singapore. He really wants to take it and I really can't muster any enthusiasm to go. We've got two little kids (one 3 and one 18 months) and a house we've just bought. I'm a SAHM with aspirations to return to my old job in a year or two (my old employer is keen on this idea too).
After 8 years of moving about (Australia, UK) I feel settled. I feel like I have a bit of a plan to regain my working life. I LIKE feeling settled and having a plan!
I'd like to be keen for the adventure but all I can think about is that I don't know anyone there, I won't know where to live, how will I get the kids into schools/activities etc... All the boring, practical things but the things that I'll have to get right or we (the kids and me) will be miserable. Or, is this just wrong - I should just seize the opportunity and trust the kids will be happy regardless of where we are?
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did your husband resent you from depriving them of an opportunity?
We have no family here so no worries about wrenching the kids away from GPs etc, but we do have close friends, some of whom are lifesavers to me as a SAHM.
Many, many thanks for any thoughts.

It's a tough one. I would personally love to move abroad one more time but that's just me.

The good thing is that your children are little- which is great as they are very adaptable and there wouldn't be too many issue about schooling/leaving friends behind etc. Effectively that age is the ideal time to move. As long as they're with you they will be happy.

We have some friends who live in Singapore and they've told the quality of life is very good- it's quite an 'easy' place to settle into.

Saying that of course you will have to make new friends and re-adjust. Your husband will be busy at work and won't have much time for you. Would it be a long term move?

Singapore is not a difficult place to live, in fact a very good place with young children.

Yes I have deprived my husband of two country moves and I regret it.

I have refused to leave the area we live in, despite very appealing job offers elswhere in this country and abroad.
I want my dcs to grow up in one place and to form firm and lasting friendships.
I was moved around a little bit as a child and my brother, who is older, was moved a lot. It had a lasting impact on my brother's education and did nothing to help his shyness.
The area we live now is made up of a lot of oil workers who have moved around a lot. Their children have seen the world, lived in amazing places, had fantastic experiences and are very well educated. Having lived and taught here though, I do feel that they form "disposable" friendships. They know that in a year or two they will move on and have to leave these people behind.
On one side they are often very confident and personable and very able to form aquaintances. On the other, they are often quite cocky and lack some depth.
Obviously this is a massive generalisation. I have met amazing people, who a treasure, who have lived like this and I have met horrid people who have lived in one place all their lives.

People who live in various countries like this are not necessarily as I describe, all I mean is there is a greater risk of this.

All of that said, Singapore has a large population of expats who are very friendly and supportive. The standard of living is excellent. The weather is predictable. Amazing holidays are on your doorstep. I imagine there is fantastic schooling available. There will be many plus points in the move.

It wouldn't be for me though. I want my dcs to have a settled start in life. Everyone is different though and thrives on different things.

YADNBU to not want to move. I completely understand.

However, you do need to think more about the positives of the idea before you make an outright decision, especially as it is known as a great place to move to. It could be fantastic. Research a bit more, I think plenty mnetters live there, and keep an open mind. At the same time discuss your fears with your dh. Good luck.

Thanks, anonacfr - really helpful to have your perspective. I agree that I'm lucky the kids are little - we don't have to worry about schools and long term friends for them at least.
It would probably be a 2-3 year move, so not forever. In some ways, I think that make me feel worse (all that effort for a short period) but I think that might just be laziness/tiredness talking.
I moved about a lot as a kid (not abroad, but lots of different houses after my parents split up when I was little and the "family home" was sold). I keep saying I want the kids to be settled and in their "forever home" but I probably actually want that for me! You know, giving your kids the childhood you don't think you had... Of course, if I give them the settled childhood they'll probably grow up and wonder why their parents weren't more adventurous!

Sorry, my post crossed others. Thanks everyone for your thoughts - I'll try to keep an open mind. Carrotsandcelery - they're my worries exactly. I want the kids to be settled with the friends they've had since birth (not that long in their case but still...). Rightpissed off - do you regret it because DH resents the decisions made or for another reason?

If you don't want to then really don't, for the Expat life to work you need to be grabbing at the opportunity with both hands and for you and your DH to be in agreement.

I have seen SO many marriages tank over the years as an Expat because of the differing wants and needs of the couples.

Moving overseas places so much stress on a family.

OK I have the other side of Carrotsandcelery's perspective.
I was an expat child and moved around through my entire schooling. I don't have any young childhood friends (if that makes sense) but I got the opportunity to take both the baccalaureat and A levels (due to different hemisphere schoolyear schedules) and as a result am fully bilingual and got great study opportunities- that's allowed me to settle in the UK. I also have lifelong friends- children of my parents' friends that I have known since I was born so I don't feel I've missed out on friendships from all the moves.

I agree that things can get tricky for older expat children but I think if you're looking at 2/3 years with toddler age children they won't necessarily be 'affected' and will instead have great childhood memories.
Looking back I find that IMO the most durable friendships are the ones I made at university- I never suffered from moving around as a child and instead loved the whole thing.

Honestly it can be a great experience for children- and they will make friends! Maybe not on the terms you want but it will happen...
Anyway I will now shut up. As you can clearly tell I am rather biased!

Me again.
Morloth is so right. In your position I wouldn't worry about your children- as a SAHM expat wife you'll be the one directly affected by the move.

Singapore is quite easy with young children - for asia anyway. looks like we are heading there this year but have lived there before so know what to expect and still have friends there. For info check out the Singapore expats board. They have quite an active forum which covers everything you need to know. Also expat singapore had a good housing section with info and photos of houses, condos, prices etc - will give you an idea.