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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to not have given anything to these callers?

46 replies

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2011 19:17

Picture the scene: 5.30pm, dinner on the hob, overtired fraught DS4 (11 months) on my hip, DS3 (3 years) whingingly hanging on my leg with no pants on, doorbell goes. 2 'nice' looking young women who are collecting for an organisation I had never heard of (although I have in the meantime ascertained that it is perfectly genuine and a very good cause).

I could smell dinner burning as they were giving me their spiel, DS4 was slipping on my hip etc etc.. you get the picture.

I hope I was perfectly polite to them, but I did say 'sorry, this is a really bad time, I do not want to donate anything at this time'. They looked crestfallen and left.

I feel a bit bad about having turned them down, but a lot IRKED at anyone calling at dinner time on a Sunday night.

AIBU? I'd really like to hear how others would have handled the situation.

Off to do bedtime now, but will be back later.

OP posts:

Original poster

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2011 20:54

oops, sorry to have upset you .

RevoltingPeasant, that is good to know, the feedback bit, I mean. Might do that.

Well, here I was all ready to justify myself... Does this mean I have to go and fold the laundry??

OP posts:

hugglymugly · 20/02/2011 21:28

Your house, your children, your dinner. Note the use of the word your. What happens at your front door is for you to decide, and no-one else. Please feel free to simply close your front door, without justifying yourself.

No, you don't have to go fold laundry - unless you really really want to. Have a or instead - it's your choice.

Suggestion - put a security chain on your door and engage it before opening the door. The simple act of doing that can reinforce the concept that you control who you speak to.

TheMonster · 20/02/2011 21:30

I'd have said 'no thanks' and closed the door.

Original poster

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2011 22:03

Thanks for the .

I am not worried about security chain (wouldn't work with awkward position of door anyway) and we do get very few callers like that.

It just seems so pointless to send these poor lassies out like that - I wish I knew how successful they were tonight??

OP posts:

Superslickwebchick · 20/02/2011 22:17

I get so fed up with people knocking at the door for money or anything else for that matter.

Our road seems to be bombarded with doorknockers for guttering, driveways, exterior painting, carpet cleaning, art work, betterware ....the list goes on. As I always say if I want to buy something or donate I'll do it in my own way and not when I am rushing out the door to brownies or when I am half way through cooking dinner.

You should not feel guilty at all :)

GotArt · 20/02/2011 22:19

You handled it very well and nicely. I would've have flamed them or not answered the door to begin with.

GotArt · 20/02/2011 22:20

I'm so glad I just moved into a condo. No more having to deal with door knockers of any kind.

TeaOneSugar · 20/02/2011 22:21

I walk through our town centre most days during the week, because I work close by, and I am well and truly fed up with chuggers stopping me, sometimes 2/3 different charities in one lunchbreak, each with a story to tell.

I have no problem with telling them I'm on my lunchbreak and therefore in a hurry, you don't have to listen to the spiel if you don't want to.

I don't have a problem with charities but if I set up a £10/15 direct debit with every one that asks me I wouldn't be able to pay my mortgage and feed my own dd.

I'm equally annoyed that the charity that I give to each month keeps calling me and writing to me asking me to increase my donation.

snowybun · 20/02/2011 22:43

Last year we had someone trying to collect for charity at our door they certainly got more than they bargained for.
We have a downstairs toilet which is next to the front door ds (5) was using the toilet when I answered the door whilst I got all the usual 'your neighbours have all been generous ds opened the toilet door backed his bum out of the door and said 'wipe my bum mummy' have never seen anyone move so quckly :)

Original poster

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2011 22:59

Ok, snowybun, you win! My DS2 would 'love' to wave his bare bum at unsuspecting callers - there's my solution!!

OP posts:

cocoachannel · 20/02/2011 23:08

We are getting more and more callers coming to the door. One man turned up yesterday and caught me at a very bad time. He stared at my massive baby bump and concluded, 'you must be an animal lover!'

I nodded in agreement and pointed out that indeed I am and that there was a lovely joint of cow currently roasting in the oven, and closed the door on him. Rude, I know.

Chuggers on the high street drive me mad too. It's like running the gauntlet past them most days.

FWIW, I work for a charity so know first hand that times are tough for fundraisers, but disturbing people at home is not on IMO.

SugarPasteFrog · 20/02/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 20/02/2011 23:43

You were far more polite than I would have been which would have been, not interested sorry and shut the door, or something like charity begins at home.

OliveMalay · 21/02/2011 00:36

I don't think charities/salespeople should call after dark or at the weekend.

JennyRobyn · 21/02/2011 01:39

you were far more polite than i would've been. I answered a knock to the door about 4pm a couple of weeks ago, to find two chuggers on the doorstep.

They looked about 18/19 The lad says to me
"Hello madame, are you painting?"
I look at im like this (i'm covered in paint, Paintbrush in one hand and a paint soaked cloth in the other so a bit bloody obvious!!)
He then says "Because it's raining i've come to give you a hand!" and bursts out laughing.He then continues "Not Really i'm only joking"
I am still looking like this and thinking what a fucking twat!

He opens his mouth to give his spiel and i cut him off dead and say "i'm not interested"
and proceed to shut the door.
As i am closing it he says " I really hope you have a fantastic evening painting" (I'm Painting the fucking walls, Not going on a big night out)

So shouted "Wanker!" at him before shutting the door. And no i dont feel guilty, i am usually polite but my god he was a prick.

I really hate it when they try to befriend you with mindless banter or flirting. And they always come when it's least convenient.

llbeanj · 21/02/2011 03:43

i hate it when they do that feigned hurt thing, seen it too many times from professionals, its just another part of their spiel

Mibby · 21/02/2011 04:15

We had some a week or so ago, came when I was feeding DD and still didnt take the hint that I was busy, despite the annoyed, crying baby in the background 'oh it'll only take a minute'. [hmmm] I just shut the door on them

vj32 · 21/02/2011 10:49

I managed to maintain my cool when crazy Christians knocked on the door when I was off sick - had a short conversation with them. Yes I have thought about religion. Yes I know there is lots of evidence for the existence of Jesus, I just don't think he was the son of God. Sorry I'm off sick today. They were OK. At least they believe in what they are doing.

Then lost it a bit with the BT salescall. Well, I was expecting a call from husband to check up on me. I got a salesman who contradicted himself in the first two minutes - he lied! So no, I am not interested in their super duper telephone only deal thank you.

Elemental · 21/02/2011 11:30

Love the pregnant-belly-must-be-an-animal-love thing!

I would be tempted to look confused and say "Oh no, this is a human child" or something. I am fan of the "disorienting remark" defence from Fry and Laurie web.archive.org/web/20080103212330/www.geocities.com/mmemym/bits2/fal0114.htm

Ripeberry · 23/02/2011 12:28

If someone was very blattant at it, they could set themselves up as a Chugger and stand in the street collecting money and people's bank details and make a killing.
I mean, how often are they checked out?

activate · 23/02/2011 12:30

as soon as they come to the door I say clearly and pleasantly "I'm sorry we don't do door to door but thank you" and shut the door firmly

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