Should we stay or should we go?

[BunnyW]

We currently live in central(ish) London, and both work in the City. I am currently 4 mths PG, and DH has the opportunity to move into a new job in Bristol.

He currently works silly hours (8am 'til anywhere between 9pm and 3am) depending on what's going on in the office. Am worried that won't be compatible with our new arrival.

New job would have better hours (8-6 ish) but involves a considerable pay cut and possibly fewer long-term career options.

I've got family in the SW (Exeter) and would like to be closer to them, his family are in Essex so Bristol would be quite a move away from them.

I'm keen on the move, he's not so sure (he's definitely one for seeing cons rather than pros, though). Its his career that is more important for long term earnings (mine is a bit more flexible) but I think we should go for it. Don't wan't to pressure him into doing something we later regret (his parents made a similar move at a similar stage in life and it didn't go well, so he's worried about it not working out.

Help!!

Am curious as to what he does....!

Tbh, I'd probably be with you on this one, but you really need to be certain of what concerns you. Some parents work away during the week and spend the whole weekend with their DCs, so having that kind of weekday detachment is doable. It's not something I'd personally want to do, but it's not a dealbreaker.

Would it be practical to sustain a paycut of that level? Can you make it work on less money? Where does he want to get to in his career and how difficult will it be if the move goes ahead?

He works in finance... but he's not all bad, honest :)

I'd rather not have him being away during the week, and he'd rather not do that either (his dad was away a lot when he was growing up).

I think we can manage on the paycut (both have some savings) but he's worried that the work won't be as interesting as what he does now. To my mind we both have to make sacrifices (I'm pretty much giving up my career entirely) so having more free time and a better lifestyle is worth being less stimulated at work. After all if you're only at work for 8 hours a day instead of 12+ it can't be so bad, surely? Having said that its not me that has to deal with it.

He's worried about me losing my support network (friends and colleagues with kids in the vicinity, and his parents just outside London) but on the upside we'd be moving much closer to my parents.

Sigh. What to do...

I live in Bristol, and love it. It's very child friendly. My family are also from Essex, it really isn't that far, but the M4 must be the most boring drive in Britain. Go for it.

Just one thing about your husband's concerns. I would be worried about downsizing job, salary and career prospects.

I did that once, for lifestyle reasons.... found the job very unfulfilling and ended up returning to my original career a bit behind where I left. But ultimately you know your family and what would make you all happy.

I moved out of London some years ago and took about a 30% paycut - I still had a much bigger disposable income and nicer lifestyle than I had in London because of the higher cost of living.

I reckon most things are about 1/3 more expensive - that's everything from a pint of milk to cinema tickets - not just your rent. Then you add on "inconvenience money" - I'm classifying that as costs you spend to offset working late (so ready made meals, a cab instead of the tube when working late, a cleaner, the top you treated yourself to because there wasn't anything clean and you deserve it for working so hard). Those costs really do add up.

I'm not sure if the figures would still be that favourable but it's worth investigating.

A word of warning: the work will be a lot less interesting. He won't get to "play with the big boys" as my DH puts it and you'll be gazumped on anything interesting by the London office. But is work his main priority? Would he be miserable not being at the top of his game?

DH had a similar decision to make except he was definitely leaving his job it was more whether to go for one particular job. We had recently had our third child and he was normally out of the house 7-15-6pm. The new job was less money but he would be only 40 minutes from home instead of 75 minutes away and wouldn't leave until 7.45 most of the time. He hasn't regretted it even though we are normally overdrawn at the end of the month and he would get paid a lot more if he worked in London.

I don't think you should rely on savings to see you through. They will run out quicker than you imagine. You need to look at the new salary and work out if you really can afford to live on it. Your DH's work hours are horrible and not compatible with life as a family, but it is miserable having no money, especially if you are used to having a high disposable income.

Go to Bristol(or wherever you are thinking of setting), have a serious look at house prices. Bear in mind that cost of living is going up everywhere and work out if it is 'doable'.

I think it will come down to what is most important to you as a couple. I'd make the move if it was financially viable

Thanks everyone - very useful suggestions :o I think we need to a) decide whether the job is going to be right and b) crunch some numbers. xx

Sacrifices can be made yes, but do you really want him in a job he hates so that in a few months you decide to come back because he hates it so much?

Seems to be all about what you want. He will be the one working in a job he may or may not enjoy on less money to suit YOU.

I think you have to weigh up long term earning potential.

Yes you have some savings now, but if you are going to be burning through them just on month-to-month costs, then what happens when they are gone? Not only are you looking at a shortfall, but a position where you are going to find it really hard to have any savings again, possibly for many years.

A temporary drop in salary to move to a different career path where there will still be opportunities to advance/earn more/branch out into different areas of interest is one thing.
A pay cut AND a limiting of career options could have a massive impact on your long-term financial stability and what you can afford to do in 10/25/35 years time.

Friends of ours did something similar. Husband found himself working very hard not to resent wife and baby. So you are right to think long and hard about it.

Just a word about Bristol to offer:

We lived there for 6 years and it's a VERY expensive city to live in and it VERY congested. DH spent one and a quarter hours most days driving seven miles into the city in the morning. Good secondary schools are very hard to come by.

I meet a lot of people who work in London and they all seem to think it's considerably cheaper to live outside the capital. To be fair it is in many places but I don't think Bristol is one of those.

We're currently weighing up relocating to the Midlands (we live near Manchester at the moment) so I share your aganies at the moment!